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Sexuality

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi

I would like to hear from guys who are uncertain of their sexuality particualry those who have changed from being gay to straight or who are gay but are in a heterosexual relationship.
I have been gay all my life but have recently felt the need to explore straight relationships. I do not know if I can have a mutually satisfactory sexual expereince with a woman as I have not tried. My sexual expereince with guys has not been fulfilling as I do not like anal sex. I heard that in the states they have so called Sorrogates who volunteer to have sex with guys who are uncertain about their sexuality by way of an introduction into heterosexual sex.

Thanks

O:confused:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ah must be confusing eh, i questioned myself before, but only ladies have ever turned me on, the gayest i get to is reckoning if a guys arlte looking or not


    personally you should find a girl yourself who you find sexually and mentally attractive, even if slightly, and just see how that is, cause sex isnt just about the act and what sex it with, but with who the person is in relation to you

    hope that helps
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok, so i aint a guy, so feel free to ignore this, but just wanted to ask how many of your mates are male and how many are female?? Maybe if you have a lot of close, girl mates, you could talk to one of them about it! im not saying ask one of them for a fuck, so you can see what its like, just for some advice from their point of view :confused: just an idea!
    SBG
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    also dude, dont label yourself, i never say what i am, which is virtually stright, as i reckon i like who i like, just happens to be girls, and that only matters to whom i like, or those who think they like me, so yeh just talk to someone about it, nothing wrong with experimenting, even if it does seem a bit strange for a gay guy to do with with a girl, just see what you like, dont knock it till u try it :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive never heard of such a scheme in the UK, although doesnt surprise me if it exists in America.
    My opinion is its up to you if you want to explore straight relationships. A lot of gay people do, and often there isnt a shortage of women who would love to think they converted a gay guy!
    I know my mum used to have a relationship with a gay bloke when she was at uni, he just wanted to try it out. It lasted about a year, and they still occasionally write to each other once in a blue moon, but he went back to being gay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you're pretty confused right now - I'm not sure that a surrogate partner would actually help you deal with this as the only way to really know if you're capable of a loving realtionship with someone is to have real feelings for them. I'd suggest giving the following organisation a call and having a chat about this - as the others have said, it's not uncommon for young people to be confused about their sexuality and maybe you just need some help in finding out what makes you happiest.

    London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
    Helpline for lesbians and gay men, offering support and information.
    Helpline: 020 7837 7324
    www.llgs.org.uk



    ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all the replies guys, really appreciate it, I like women very much but never felt attracted to one sexually, and whilst some gays may experiment with straight sex I would feel uncomfortable about the idea of having sex with a woman without her knowing that I am gay or have had gay relations in the past. So I guess I need to find a woman I am attracted to mentally at least and then somehow explain that I am gay and then see if she's interested in having a relationship with a gay guy ...there's also the fear of failure of course - I mean what would happen if I tried and it didn't work ...!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Out of interest, have you started finding women attractive, or is it just the idea of having sex with a woman?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my opinion if a guy doesn't question his sexuality once in his life something is wrong, most people think about it, and i'll admit I have.. but still only girls do it for me,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My friend who is a lesbian started questioning her sexuality - trying to be open-minded about the possibility she could be just Bisexual.

    Then the other week, she met a guy she knew and thought she was attracted to him. So she kissed him and from then she said she is defintely a lesbian - though the poor lad was rejected. I felt soo sorry for him... so if you intend to experiment with the ladies - make sure you're straight with them. Tell them you're not looking for anything heavy and just a bit of fun, as you don't want to be leading them on.

    There's no right or wrong - It's good you can be opened about these kinda things.

    Just be careful. Xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    Out of interest, have you started finding women attractive, or is it just the idea of having sex with a woman?

    My thoughts too. Can you feel that you may be able to have an deep emotional attachment to a woman? If not, the sex will be meaningless and will not prove anything to you.

    Also, there are thousands of gay men out there that do not engage in anal sex. Anal sex does not define men being gay. Perhaps you really need to chat to someone (like the Gay Switchboard) to actually identify what your feelings are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK to the first question - have I started finding women attractive? - the answer is not sexually attractive, by that I mean I do not get a hard when I see an attractive woman, even if naked like I do when I see an attractive guy for example. To the second comment Yes I think I can have a deep emotional relationship with a woman its the physical side that I am not sure about (I am admit I am scared that I may not perform as expected).
    The reason why I am questioning my sexuality, is for two reasons:
    Firsly most guys I meet interested in Anal sex which I don't enjoy. secodly all my gay expereinces have been emotionally unsatisfying this has led me to wonder if I can be in a mutually satisfying relationship with a woman.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, everyone has to start to learn somewhere when trying to satisfy the opposite sex. If the woman in question is understanding and considerate, she will help you to progress in your skills at heterosexual lovemaking.

    Do you think that this is a long and deep-seated fear of under-performing with women that made you take the 'easy' way out and go with men (albeit with some level of attraction). After all, men know what men want and if it feels good for you, you know it probably feels good for them too.

    Anyway, whatever happens, I hope that you find the right person in the end. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks...I would be very lucky to find such a woman...actually I often wonder if that is the reason, there's also the need for male approval , I had a very cold and distant relationship with my Dad when I was growing up so may that's an issue as well, having said - all indications are that sexuality is determined by our Genes so you never know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a relationship is more than just sex, its just a way of showng how you feel, the girl i want to be with, if i didnt know her, i wouldnt get aroused by seeing her naked or anything, its just cause of our mental conneciton and the fact i want to be with her loads


    just keep an open mind
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Apparently about 1/3 of gay men do not partake in anal sex, so you aren't exactly alone if you don't enjoy it.

    If you don't find women sexually attractive then it may well mean that you wouldn't find a relationship with them satisfying, as the sexual element would be missing. That doesn't mean that it isn't worth experimenting with, it depends if being good friends is enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by only4fun35
    ...actually I often wonder if that is the reason, there's also the need for male approval , I had a very cold and distant relationship with my Dad when I was growing up so may that's an issue as well, having said - all indications are that sexuality is determined by our Genes so you never know.

    The relationship that you had with your father could well have had something to do with your confusion.

    Sexuality is not neccessarily either 'gay' or 'straight' but there can be plenty of levels of 'grey' in between. You may have just had mild bisexual tendencies but your situation pushed you further than you might have otherwise gone.

    You may always still have bisexual tendencies but exploring the straight side of your sexuality may help give you a more fulfilling lovelife as far as sex and relationships go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Update

    Dear All

    Thanks for your messages...just an update I have met and am in a relationship with a woman, she's older than me but it is emotionaly and sexually satisfying. I do feel guilty for not coming out to her and the fact that I am still having sexual relations with guys when she's not around. I do love her and care about her but seem unable to resist the temptation to have sex with guys! I am less confused now because I know I am definetly gay but also that I can have a satisfying relationship with a woman. I could not bear to break up with her and that is why I am afraid to tell her the truth. I sometimes wonder if she knows or suspects and does not want to shatter what we have together? Is it wrong not to come out to her? if she's happy and I am happy why should I spoil it?

    Regards

    Only
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hi there,
    It's good to hear that you are feeling more content with your sexuality and have met someone special. However, while I don't think it's wrong for you to come out to her as bisexual, the fact that you are cheating on her is obviously a massive issue.

    I'm not going to tell you whether or not to tell her the truth, but perhaps think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. If she was having sex with people behind your back would you feel ok with it? Would you still consider the relationship you have was "emotionally satisfying?" or would you feel completely betrayed and want out?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wonder if you approach a woman as obviously gay (use some stereotypical outfit and voice and gestics), and tell her you are unsure of your sexuality, that maybe a really good girl is what you need how willing she is to 'show' you :hyper:
    I commence scientific research on that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From a womans point of view I think everyone questions their sexuality at least once in their life. Most of my male friends have admitted to me that they have wondered what it would be like to be with another guy. They say that they tell me because they know I won't judge so maybe you don't hear of it a lot people people are scared of what others will think.

    When I was ay university I classed myself as gay and had a 4 year relationship with another woman (albeit it wasn't a good relationship but that was because of the person not the fact she was a woman) I then had a relationship for a year with another woman and since then have dated mainly guys. I am now happily married to a man who knows about my past.

    Phoenix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I never did that. I mean I playfully said it, because I was fed up with certain women, but never really "thought what it would be like", or "maybe I am a bit of bi" or anything.

    I was never attracted to men or never pondering about it, since day one.
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