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We broke up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey.
Yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend. She had the house to herself for the week and I came over to keep her company on monday. Tuesday I went work, and you guessed it, she went to his house. Wednesday morning she said he kissed her on the cheek. Wednesday night she said they took their tops off and were kissing. Thursday I manipulated him and he told me everything.
They've been seeing each other for weeks. All these other kisses... that was only when they got caught out. They've been meeting up and cuddling and kissing and having foreplay way before. For about a month or two. She said she's confused about her feelings. She said she loves him.
I told her we couldn't be together anymore. I still want her, and maybe I a bit shamefully said to her if she ever decides it's me she wants then I'll love her. She said to me she's probably going to pursue a relationship with this guy. But then she said she's not sure.
I think she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. It feels ok as long as I'm doing something. My worst fear was her lying to me about it all, all along, and it seems thats exactly what's been happening. The furthest they got was having dry sex (in which he came) so at least they weren't full on having sex. She said as a joke when they do she'll be thinking of me. It cut me deep.
Next week we have a holiday booked to center parcs. I'm poor, and we won't get a refund at this stage, so we're going anyway. We're trying to be friends, but the problem is it keeps going round my head, and now she's not really hiding her efforts to be close to him.
2 years, 1 month, 7 days
A tragic end to my first love, wouldn't you say? I shared every experience with her. I thought I knew her inside out. If it's any consolation to myself, I always had a feeling she wasn't telling me everything. At least now I know.
As I was leaving last night she started crying and grabbed me and kissed me. I'm not reading into it though. I kissed her back, but it wasnt passionate, and she stopped and then I pulled away.
I'm worried next week (we have a double bed) she'll say she awnts to make love to me. I dont think I'd go through with it, but I might if I think she loves me. Then it'll hurt so much more when we get back and she starts seeing him.
We've got a wedding reception to go to tonight. I suppose the problem with being so close is that you can't cancel all your plans. I haven't really told anyone except people on here because I dont want people to think our relationship was a fake stupid one without real feelings. It went wrong and that can't be changed, but there was love, and it was our first true love.
I think that's what I'm telling myself, that it was just the affair (can I call it that?) that was a lie, but all the feelings she had for me she meant.
Just wanted to get it off my chest and have some sympathy really, like I said, I can't tell my friends or family. Not yet.
Yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend. She had the house to herself for the week and I came over to keep her company on monday. Tuesday I went work, and you guessed it, she went to his house. Wednesday morning she said he kissed her on the cheek. Wednesday night she said they took their tops off and were kissing. Thursday I manipulated him and he told me everything.
They've been seeing each other for weeks. All these other kisses... that was only when they got caught out. They've been meeting up and cuddling and kissing and having foreplay way before. For about a month or two. She said she's confused about her feelings. She said she loves him.
I told her we couldn't be together anymore. I still want her, and maybe I a bit shamefully said to her if she ever decides it's me she wants then I'll love her. She said to me she's probably going to pursue a relationship with this guy. But then she said she's not sure.
I think she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. It feels ok as long as I'm doing something. My worst fear was her lying to me about it all, all along, and it seems thats exactly what's been happening. The furthest they got was having dry sex (in which he came) so at least they weren't full on having sex. She said as a joke when they do she'll be thinking of me. It cut me deep.
Next week we have a holiday booked to center parcs. I'm poor, and we won't get a refund at this stage, so we're going anyway. We're trying to be friends, but the problem is it keeps going round my head, and now she's not really hiding her efforts to be close to him.
2 years, 1 month, 7 days
A tragic end to my first love, wouldn't you say? I shared every experience with her. I thought I knew her inside out. If it's any consolation to myself, I always had a feeling she wasn't telling me everything. At least now I know.
As I was leaving last night she started crying and grabbed me and kissed me. I'm not reading into it though. I kissed her back, but it wasnt passionate, and she stopped and then I pulled away.
I'm worried next week (we have a double bed) she'll say she awnts to make love to me. I dont think I'd go through with it, but I might if I think she loves me. Then it'll hurt so much more when we get back and she starts seeing him.
We've got a wedding reception to go to tonight. I suppose the problem with being so close is that you can't cancel all your plans. I haven't really told anyone except people on here because I dont want people to think our relationship was a fake stupid one without real feelings. It went wrong and that can't be changed, but there was love, and it was our first true love.
I think that's what I'm telling myself, that it was just the affair (can I call it that?) that was a lie, but all the feelings she had for me she meant.
Just wanted to get it off my chest and have some sympathy really, like I said, I can't tell my friends or family. Not yet.
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Comments
I think you should stay away from her as much as you can tbh as you sound vulnerable and she will take advantage of you because she can.
I also dont think going to Center Parcs with her is a good idea, is there anyone else you can go with?
I cant tell you what you should or shouldnt do, but I think its best if you dont sleep with her. She just wants the best of both worlds.
I think also, if you want to stay friends, after the holiday, stay away from her for a while, get your space. Maybe you should take a friend to the holiday instead of her, as her affair probably wont want her going anyway. It'd just make it awkward.
I really hope that all goes well for you, and that you find someone else who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. You're a cool guy
*big hugs*
Sorry to hear about your break up. I know it's a cliche but time is the best ever healer.
Just stay away from her. For her to say she'll have sex if your in the same bed whilst saying she loves someone else is a total headfuck. If you let her walk all over you she will well and truly fuck you up trust me.
This first bit after is going to be really shit, it always is when you've poured all of your hopes into someone and they've done you over. But you're a good guy, and you've got a big heart, and one day you will find a girl who both appreciates and deserves you :yes:
She's more or less leaving you for this guy that caused you so much grief - i wouldn't go to center parcs. I'd cut her off. You deserve someone alot better.
If she wants sex then tell her to piss off. Selfish cow. She can't have you both. Sorry to be harsh but do you really want to be her play thing? Knowing that she'll go back to him and will be doing more or less the same thing to him.
Anyways - you'll find a nice girl who'll respect you and deserve you sooner or later.
That does not matter. If it was sex or just dry humping or taking the top off. Cheating starts in the head, and when she is that far, you have already lost.
Ditch that ho. And make a childish plan to get back to her in a mean way.
Like going to holiday with one of your friends. They might pay you a bit for it and it SURE shows her. "you stay at home fucking that moron, I go on holiday fucking hot chicks."
even if yout don't...
She can't complain, she's bought it all on herself.
Ditch her. Forget Centreparcs. Go to the wedding reception by yourself and tell people that the little slutbag couldn't keep her legs closed. You have nothing to feel shame for - she did the dirty on you, not the other way around.
Why the hell can't people just end it and move on when a relationship isn't working?
I'm truly sorry, squire.
Be careful as well what you take in from what she says to you. Alot of it just sounds like words to me, to try and make you and herself feel better. Her actions have been far worse.
i would definitely NOT go to center parcs with her.. if its completely unavoidable going with her (money paid etc) then ask when you get there for 2 single beds in a room instead of a double- these things can be easily arranged.that'll give her the first kick in the face, and you'll be laying down the law. then spend the whole holiday on your own, or make some friends. center parcs really is quite tranquil and serene and to me would be the best place for getting over a breakup!
about the family- it is really embarassing and hurtful to tell the whole family, i was in a similar situation once.. just tell a close member first who you can confide in, and then if you're like my family, word will quietly and sensitively get round, to avoid any 'HOWS THE GIRLFRIEND?' questions in front of evry1.
to agree with everyone else here, you sound like a great guy, and the best of luck in the future
x
This is exactly what I was going to say. Almost to the word.
It won't feel like it now, but you will look back and realise it was for the best. Things have been bad for ages, and from what you've said on here, I'm really not surprised she has cheated on you. When was she planning on telling you? She probably didn't intend to hurt you, but only because she didn't intend for you to find out. But she quite clearly didn't care about hurting you- her kicks were more important than your feelings.
If the wedding is for her family don't go. If it's for yours don't take her. Don't go on holiday, you will hate it.
Because it's failed it doesn't mean the feeling was never there. It's just gone away now, and not for the want of trying. Things fail, it doesn't mean that the people involved are failures. Don't beat yourself up about it, have a good cry, and don't feel that you have to get over it within hours. It will take a long time to get it out of your system, just don't let it eat you up and kill your trust.
Keep your head up kid, relationships arent the be all end all. You'll forget all about her with time
and not that its a good idea or anything but if it was me id kick that fella up and down the road for a while :no:
I was actually thinking of asking the guy she's been cheating with if he wanted to go. I dont think I'd be any more jealous since it's pretty inevitable anyway. And £360 could be handy.
And about the girls... I've suddenly realised she was the only person I felt close to in the world. Like, I could open up to. Today at work I kept crying on the shop floor. It was my last day, should have been good, but no.
Talking to her and her friend online now. He's saying how sorry he is about it all, she's not really saying anything (she doesn't normally to me, normally to him). I did pay, but she organised it, so trying to get someone else to fill my gap. She's saying she'll go on her own and reimburse me but that seems cruel.
I wish I could go back in time and things would be ok again :crying:
edit:
no she doesn't want sex, but she is a passioante person and im certain that if we were in an environment as friends even though she says she doesnt want me she would because she lets her feelings take over.
I follow my heart but I think with my brain.
I'm sure they are sorry...sorry they got caught.
I said that to her, that she never intended to tell me, and she said 'is that what you really think' (I normally back down) but i said i know she would never have told me. There are things from the first week they spoke she has hidden from me. Not because she forgot, but because she didnt want me to find out.
My head hurts from crying non stop. I dont have any friends to look after me, rosie was the only one. Cant believe how alone I feel.