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Is it ever acceptable to finish someone over the phone?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so I want to finish it with my fella, but just due to the circumstances I haven’t seen him for weeks.

Today I was meant to be going to see him but the garage rang to say they could fix his bike today, last week there was another reason as there was the week before (there all real reasons, I can tell when he's lying to me).
I am sure of what I want to do and I'm sure he knows its coming, the relationship has just come to its natural end really and I think I deserve more than something that has fizzled out.

So next time I can see him it will have been a month that I have been trying to do it for. I know the answer is going to be no but do you think that telling him over the phone could be acceptable?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't like to hear about it over the phone...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, its cowardly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've been finished over the phone, but that was because it was long distance, it ain't nice but in a way it was a bit easier because we didn't go to bits infront of each other
    if you can see him without having to stay around then do it in person
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh i didnt say he lives about 40 miles away. It is possible to see him without staying over as long as i go early as the buses run to his village at very strange times and then stop at like 5pm.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it's never acceptable, imo.

    how would you like it if he did it to you?

    you might not have seen him for a while but he deserves a bit more than that. can't you just go anyway even though he's getting his bike fixed?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    under normal circumstances I would say it's not acceptable. But if you've being trying to do it for weeks, but because it's long distance you can't get face to face then I think it's a possibilty.

    Maybe you could call him and say that you don't think things are working out because of the distance and that you really need to see him urgently to talk it over because you'd rather do it in person. At that point he might just be happy to end it over the phone if he's feeling that same as you. If not, at least you've told him there's a problem so you've got some of it off your chest.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    40 miles is only about an hour and 15 mins away in the car isn't it? hardly long distance!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its not the best answer to finish with someone down the phone.no. if i were the other person i wouldn't even think it was very nice. tbh i think you owe it to him to do it face to face.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh I agree with everyone really, it’s just that it makes me feel like such a bitch being nicey nicey on the phone to him every day. I couldn’t have gone down today anyway, he had to wait while it was being fixed and I won’t ride on the back of it.

    At Xmas he informed me that he had decided we needed a break over the phone. He rang me at my works Xmas party to tell me so I know how shit that made me feel. I wouldn’t want to make him feel that bad. But then there’s a part of me that thinks well he didn’t care enough to even wait until I wasn’t at a party let alone see me face to face so why should I? (Petty I know)

    I might just turn up at his house Un-announced tomorrow, if he isn’t in then there’s nothing lost I suppose. I get the feeling that although all the reasons that he cant see me are true that its just a bit of a coincidence that something comes up every time were meant to see each other and that he is putting off seeing me as he knows what’s coming.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    melanie wrote:
    he knows what’s coming.
    its probably better if he does know whats coming. - he will take it a lot better. and then you both get a chance to clear the air a little.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well why don't you ask him what he's doing tomorrow just in general conversation?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    40 miles is only about an hour and 15 mins away in the car isn't it? hardly long distance!

    You drive too slow. :p

    I think all break ups should really be done in person. But if you feel like he's consciously putting off meeting with you, I don't know. He could potentially drag it on for ages. See how your turning up unannounced plan goes I guess.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, if your in a long term relationship and wont be seeing them for months and months. Otherwise, no!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, I can't see any way in which it's acceptable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You drive too slow. :p
    it was only an estimate!

    it takes me about 40-50 minutes to drive 28 miles to uni so..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I say yes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm probably better to write a 'Dear John' letter in these circumstances
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive finished with someone over the phone.
    Basically because i didnt give a toss about him and because i was terrified of him and it had taken me about 6months to build up the courage to do it on the phone.

    Ive also had someone finish with me over the phone- and i cared about him a lot. Thing that made it harder was that therea always questions u wanna ask ans he wouldnt give me the chance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont see the difference. If he cares, then it will hurt like a bitch however you do it. If he doesnt really care anymore then hes not gonna be bothered.
    You could always either text him or phone him saying we need to have a serious talk about where our relationship is heading (kind of thing) and then he`ll know whats coming, but you wont be actually dumping him over the phone per se.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Breaking up by phone, txt, email or letter is the ways cowards use to do it...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah but if hes avoiding her anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not because people acts as cunts that you have to stick to their level...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been dumped over the phone before. It was originally through an email but then we got back together and then he did it a few days later over the phone. Fucking charming. It hurt like a fucking bitch.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when i ended my long term relationship last year it was over the phone. It hadn't started off that way but things weren't right between us and we were 180miles apart. We were talking and he asked me " you don't want to do this anymore do you?" and i couldn't lie to him when he knew my heart wasn't in it anymore. I didn't want it to end like that but it just sort of happened.

    but then he had a few days before refused to visit me after a really bad car crash coz he was playing cricket- the team was more important than comforting his GF after a near death experience on the M25
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i went over to see him yesterday, just turned up so that he couldnt avoid me.

    And we have finished. We didnt argue about it or anything, we both knew that it had turned into best mates more than anything else and that it was time to finish it. Its awful. I thort that i would be fine with it, i have known that this is what needs to happen for months but it still hurts like a bitch. 3 years together is such a long time to just throw away.

    How do people know that when their relationship turns into a friendship and you try to get it back but you cant that they should finish? how do you know that that isnt what a relationship is? What if i have some big ideas about ever-lasting passion and love my vision doesnt exist? what if iv just thrown away the only relationship that i was ever ment to be in?

    fuck. sorry to rant, i didnt expect it to hurt this much, i feel like I've lost a leg or something. im so tempted to ring him up and beg to get back together again :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you have been trying to leave him for a while then its most probably the right decision to make.

    When I left my ex of 3 years I was very tempted to ring him up and beg him to get back together with me and it usually happened when I was drinking. Deep down though, for a long time I had wanted things to end between us. I never felt the same about him and only wanted him as a friend. However, we are no longer friends. Its for the best though.

    For months and months I tried to get our relationship back on track but I quite simply didn't feel the same way he felt about me so had to end things. The relationship came to its natural end.

    Of course you haven't thrown away the only relationship you were meant to be in. You will meet someone else. PM me if you wanna chat *hugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    melanie wrote:

    How do people know that when their relationship turns into a friendship and you try to get it back but you cant that they should finish? how do you know that that isnt what a relationship is? What if i have some big ideas about ever-lasting passion and love my vision doesnt exist? what if iv just thrown away the only relationship that i was ever ment to be in?

    Hi. Sorry to hear about it :( I finished it with my other half on saturday as i knew, like you, that it was not meant to be. I managed to make myself look an arse by starting to cry as well, good one huh :rolleyes: But what you've just said above is a normal thought process when you've just split up with someone. I felt exactly the same thing and thought oh shit have i just got rid of the best thing i could have had. But at the end of the day if it's not been right for a while and you've tried your best to keep it going/get it back
    then you have probably made the right decision. He meant a lot to you, you're going to debate whether it was the right thing. But at the end of the day it's not fair on either of you if you just cling on to a dead relationship. Only time will show you whether you've made the right call. But whatever you decide well done for doing it face to face and ending it the right way :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers for your replys, i just expected that because it was me finishing it i would be fine, its not as if i didnt see it coming.

    I dont think its helping that my 3 best mates have all left uni and moved home and now i feel like i have nothing. I suppose that i just need to get myself sorted instead of sitting here feeling sorry for myself. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When my ex and I broke up, my mum said to me that a relationship is a living thing and that when it dies, you need time to grieve. Even when you know someone's dying, or, in the case of a pet, when you make the decision to have it put down, it doesn't stop you feeling very sad. Just give yourself time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers, i know i just need time.

    I was fine until he rang me before, i had gone out last night, let my hair down and stuff but now i have heard his voice im back where i started.

    Poo Poo Poo :grump:
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