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This is a pessimistic forum, in my opinion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
You know, in life, when you've got troubles you need to learn to work them through, sometimes you need advice etc. but nothing just comes naturally. On this forum, maybe its just me, but so many of the threads have ended up giving advice like 'dump them', or 'move on'. Whilst this may be warranted in many cases, sometimes its such an impersonal view on a personal subject. If you love someone, then you work through the problems, but on here a lot of the time it seems to be an attitude of when theres trouble brewing then jump ship.
I'm not really having a dig, just an observation. I've posted up on here a couple of times over the years, and in retrospect could have sorted my problems out myself, but a lot of the time I have been given advice to jump ship. One time they were dead on - I had been with a girl for nearly a year, hadn't seen her in three weeks because she kept saying she was busy but then spent evenings playing civ II in her bedroom. In the end she dumped me...
But anyway. I just thin sometimes, this is a support forum for young people - thats a given - but its important to teach our peers that sometimes you've got to stick it out. Afterall, you'll only ever get out of a relationship what you put in.
*shrug*
I'm not really having a dig, just an observation. I've posted up on here a couple of times over the years, and in retrospect could have sorted my problems out myself, but a lot of the time I have been given advice to jump ship. One time they were dead on - I had been with a girl for nearly a year, hadn't seen her in three weeks because she kept saying she was busy but then spent evenings playing civ II in her bedroom. In the end she dumped me...
But anyway. I just thin sometimes, this is a support forum for young people - thats a given - but its important to teach our peers that sometimes you've got to stick it out. Afterall, you'll only ever get out of a relationship what you put in.
*shrug*
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Comments
good point...
I know there is some advice given where people say stick with it - but loads of times people have a falling out and the non-board-member partner might say something stupid, and then people will be saying 'get rid, you dont need them' - where to me, its a communication issue.
How many times have you done or said something you didn't mean in a relationship because you were upset or annoyed?
Just an opinion anyway. :chin: I suppose one of the reasons this has come about is that I recently got told by a few people I might want to consider my girlfriend because we were having trust / flirting issues - and what I did was pretty much nothing, but then I realised that when I got stressed it made things worse, so 'stopped' getting stressed and worrying about things that didn't really matter, and its cleared everything up and made me realise it wasn't as bad as I thought anyway! But we were close to splitting at one point, its a bit scary to look back because now I realise it was so trivial. Maybe on this forum sometimes people are too quick to advise ending a relationship. Maybe...
The other thing you have to consider is that no matter how well you try to explain a personal situation on here, you can never fully communicate to everyone exactly how it feels for you. I think a lot of the time, people have already made their minds up before asking a question anyway. In their heart they know what they need to do, but they just need at least one person to give them that reassurance. That won't always be the case, but I know it has been for me at least once.
I agree, most of use in here gave our opinions with the information we have... we are indeed sometimes trying to help others, but let's be obvious we are not councilour (or however you spell it) either... we are just people, with our own view and opinions... and our views are not always be right for the sitution we are trying to help, but we go by what we think we would do in such situation... all we do is share our opinions, but at the end it is up to the original poster or to the person that is asking for advice/opinion do to what fells right for them...
Ask a stranger for advice on an emotional issue and all they have to work with are the facts given. They don't take any notice of emotions - because they aren't emotionally involved.
Most of the shit we put up with in life doesn't factually warrant our continued perseverance. We do it because we have an emotional involvement with it.
it's all opinion. and, like someone else said, it's SO much easier to be honest with someone when you don't know them that well. you don't often get that luxury from your close mates.
Ultimately yes, it is nice to come on here and have a moan or ask for advice but i think when it comes down to it - even if everyone was to say *dump him/her* - the final choice is down to the individual and i think that, at least I HOPE that people would be able to make their own minds up.
:yes: I totally agree.
I also agree with the point that by the time people are posting for advice on a forum such as this (especially if they've signed up simply to post, which is something akin to "desperate measures") the situation often has gone beyond much hope of reconciliation. I don't think that - by any stretch of the imagination - everyone posting about a relationship problem is just subconsciously asking for a kick up the arse to cut it loose, but I do think that is the case sometimes. I also would say that in a lot of cases the person who is stressed/worried/confused enough to come and make a post on here for impartial advice, would be a person who was best off out of it - though by no means in every situation.
So yeah, what kaffrin said. Realistic, not pessimistic, in my view as well. I do think it's preferable to the sugar-coated advice you get from mates and people close to you, though obviously not everyone is going to feel that way... and it's not what everyone will want to get out of asking for advice or help.
I think that part of the reason people ask for advice on here rather in their real-life group is not only because it's anonymous (as far as you want it to be) but also because the people dispensing advice weigh up the facts they're given and give an honest reply - it's the nature of a relationship discussion forum that I guess more often than not we'll be hearing of problems more than joyful revelations... and giving advice focusing on the person looking after their own feelings and their own heart.
All the advice I've had from this forum has been a wake up call and has helped me more than I could have imagined!
So yah...keep up with the good work! Yas!
(See, that was cheery!)
them getting advice and support isn't really pessimistic.
Tee hee hee hee! That actually made me LOL.
glad i made you giggle! :thumb: