This is a pessimistic forum, in my opinion

Former Member

You know, in life, when you've got troubles you need to learn to work them through, sometimes you need advice etc. but nothing just comes naturally. On this forum, maybe its just me, but so many of the threads have ended up giving advice like 'dump them', or 'move on'. Whilst this may be warranted in many cases, sometimes its such an impersonal view on a personal subject. If you love someone, then you work through the problems, but on here a lot of the time it seems to be an attitude of when theres trouble brewing then jump ship.

I'm not really having a dig, just an observation. I've posted up on here a couple of times over the years, and in retrospect could have sorted my problems out myself, but a lot of the time I have been given advice to jump ship. One time they were dead on - I had been with a girl for nearly a year, hadn't seen her in three weeks because she kept saying she was busy but then spent evenings playing civ II in her bedroom. In the end she dumped me...

But anyway. I just thin sometimes, this is a support forum for young people - thats a given - but its important to teach our peers that sometimes you've got to stick it out. Afterall, you'll only ever get out of a relationship what you put in.

*shrug*

Former Member

agreed...

Former Member

In my opinion it isn't necessarily pessimistic all the time. I've seen plenty of threads where the advice was "go for it, you only get one chance" or "stick with it, you might regret it later in life" or something else along those lines.

Former Member

he never said it was all the time tbh...

Former Member

To be fair mate, if I ever give a personal opinion on something (like "dump them" or "move on" for example) it's only me saying that that's what I would do if I was in their situation. It can be hard to give advice on something where you only have limited information.

Former Member

nihilisticmadman wrote:

he never said it was all the time tbh...

No, but the title of the thread was "this is a pessimistic forum", which is quite final...

Former Member

wooooooooah wrote:

No, but the title of the thread was "this is a pessimistic forum", which is quite final...

good point...

Former Member

'in my opinion'

I know there is some advice given where people say stick with it - but loads of times people have a falling out and the non-board-member partner might say something stupid, and then people will be saying 'get rid, you dont need them' - where to me, its a communication issue.

How many times have you done or said something you didn't mean in a relationship because you were upset or annoyed?

Just an opinion anyway. :chin: I suppose one of the reasons this has come about is that I recently got told by a few people I might want to consider my girlfriend because we were having trust / flirting issues - and what I did was pretty much nothing, but then I realised that when I got stressed it made things worse, so 'stopped' getting stressed and worrying about things that didn't really matter, and its cleared everything up and made me realise it wasn't as bad as I thought anyway! But we were close to splitting at one point, its a bit scary to look back because now I realise it was so trivial. Maybe on this forum sometimes people are too quick to advise ending a relationship. Maybe...

Former Member

Perhaps you're right, but maybe that's just because people find it easier to give an honest opinion on here? I think a lot of people who you ask in real life would be reluctant to give their true thoughts, for fear of being tactless or upsetting someone. Whereas on here, those worries are less apparent.

The other thing you have to consider is that no matter how well you try to explain a personal situation on here, you can never fully communicate to everyone exactly how it feels for you. I think a lot of the time, people have already made their minds up before asking a question anyway. In their heart they know what they need to do, but they just need at least one person to give them that reassurance. That won't always be the case, but I know it has been for me at least once.

Former Member

i kinda agree with this. when me and my ex split up, he posted alot of his problems on here. no one knew that i was already a member or that i was the girl he was talking about. He left half the real information out which led everyone to believe the girl in question (me) was a real bitch who had taken him for a ride. They all gave him advice like get rid of her, she obviously never loved you, blah blah etc. None of it was true, of course. its not often i post in here, but since then, i try and keep and open mind when i do.

Former Member

I kind of agree but I kind of dont cuz I live in a pessimistic world. Yes, alot of the problems on here are given the answer "dump him" and what not, but theres alot of bad crap out there. Theres the you dont know the whole story side, then you got the, but thats utter crap that nobody should have to experience so you shouldn't be with him cuz theres alot of that out there and people are miserable bastards because of it kind of thing.

Former Member

I find I only ask for advice in this forum when it's too late and got too bad I can't sort it....by then it's time to dump

Former Member

wooooooooah wrote:

Perhaps you're right, but maybe that's just because people find it easier to give an honest opinion on here? I think a lot of people who you ask in real life would be reluctant to give their true thoughts, for fear of being tactless or upsetting someone. Whereas on here, those worries are less apparent.

The other thing you have to consider is that no matter how well you try to explain a personal situation on here, you can never fully communicate to everyone exactly how it feels for you. I think a lot of the time, people have already made their minds up before asking a question anyway. In their heart they know what they need to do, but they just need at least one person to give them that reassurance. That won't always be the case, but I know it has been for me at least once.

I agree, most of use in here gave our opinions with the information we have... we are indeed sometimes trying to help others, but let's be obvious we are not councilour (or however you spell it) either... we are just people, with our own view and opinions... and our views are not always be right for the sitution we are trying to help, but we go by what we think we would do in such situation... all we do is share our opinions, but at the end it is up to the original poster or to the person that is asking for advice/opinion do to what fells right for them...

Former Member

Yeah it can be, but personally i think its a 70/30 thing. mainly because most of the threads in this part are asking about troubles within the relationship. And some of thoses as Vinylvicky said have reached the point of no return.

Former Member

Youngbull wrote:

Yeah it can be, but personally i think its a 70/30 thing. mainly because most of the threads in this part are asking about troubles within the relationship.

Also, in a lot of cases, people are looking for someone else to tell them to break up, and so present the information in such a one sided way that that is the only advice you can give

Former Member

i just say what i think i'd do

Former Member

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

You know, in life, when you've got troubles you need to learn to work them through, sometimes you need advice etc. but nothing just comes naturally. On this forum, maybe its just me, but so many of the threads have ended up giving advice like 'dump them', or 'move on'. Whilst this may be warranted in many cases, sometimes its such an impersonal view on a personal subject. If you love someone, then you work through the problems, but on here a lot of the time it seems to be an attitude of when theres trouble brewing then jump ship.

Ask a stranger for advice on an emotional issue and all they have to work with are the facts given. They don't take any notice of emotions - because they aren't emotionally involved.

Most of the shit we put up with in life doesn't factually warrant our continued perseverance. We do it because we have an emotional involvement with it.

Former Member

i don't think that kind of advice is pessimistic. it's realistic, based on the limited facts we are told.

it's all opinion. and, like someone else said, it's SO much easier to be honest with someone when you don't know them that well. you don't often get that luxury from your close mates.

Former Member

relationships are so subjective. for example, i have a friend who i am very close to whose boyfriend acts in ways that if, i were in her shoes, i would not tolerate at all - yet at the end of the day although it would not be my choice of relationship, and yes, she moans about it form time to time, something about their relationship seems to work.

Ultimately yes, it is nice to come on here and have a moan or ask for advice but i think when it comes down to it - even if everyone was to say *dump him/her* - the final choice is down to the individual and i think that, at least I HOPE that people would be able to make their own minds up.

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

i don't think that kind of advice is pessimistic. it's realistic, based on the limited facts we are told.

it's all opinion. and, like someone else said, it's SO much easier to be honest with someone when you don't know them that well. you don't often get that luxury from your close mates.

:yes: I totally agree.

I also agree with the point that by the time people are posting for advice on a forum such as this (especially if they've signed up simply to post, which is something akin to "desperate measures") the situation often has gone beyond much hope of reconciliation. I don't think that - by any stretch of the imagination - everyone posting about a relationship problem is just subconsciously asking for a kick up the arse to cut it loose, but I do think that is the case sometimes. I also would say that in a lot of cases the person who is stressed/worried/confused enough to come and make a post on here for impartial advice, would be a person who was best off out of it - though by no means in every situation.

So yeah, what kaffrin said. Realistic, not pessimistic, in my view as well. I do think it's preferable to the sugar-coated advice you get from mates and people close to you, though obviously not everyone is going to feel that way... and it's not what everyone will want to get out of asking for advice or help.

I think that part of the reason people ask for advice on here rather in their real-life group is not only because it's anonymous (as far as you want it to be) but also because the people dispensing advice weigh up the facts they're given and give an honest reply - it's the nature of a relationship discussion forum that I guess more often than not we'll be hearing of problems more than joyful revelations... and giving advice focusing on the person looking after their own feelings and their own heart.

Former Member

Yup, I think realistic rather than pessimistic.

All the advice I've had from this forum has been a wake up call and has helped me more than I could have imagined!

So yah...keep up with the good work! Yas!
(See, that was cheery!)

Former Member

people come here to talk about their problems and ask for advice. you wouldn't really come on here and say 'omg it's going really well with my boyfriend, what shall i do?!'

them getting advice and support isn't really pessimistic.

Former Member

lucifer devil wrote:

people come here to talk about their problems and ask for advice. you wouldn't really come on here and say 'omg it's going really well with my boyfriend, what shall i do?!'

them getting advice and support isn't really pessimistic.

Tee hee hee hee! That actually made me LOL.

Former Member

IWishIWas wrote:

Tee hee hee hee! That actually made me LOL.

glad i made you giggle! :thumb: