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Engagement At A Young Age

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FireFly85 wrote:
    If I were to get engaged to someone, it would be with a view to start planning my wedding and to get married in a couple of years. In my view, getting engaged is making an engagement to be married sometime in the near future. It is not an additional sign of commitment if you have no intention to get married in the next 5+ years and wouldn't actually be willing to marry the person at the current time.

    From my own personal experience, people who get engaged very young/when they have been with their partner less than, say, a year, tend to do so because one or both partners are very insecure in the relationship, and seem to think that having a ring on their finger is going to improve matters. In my opinion, it isn't necessary to get engaged to prove your love and dedication to your partner, either to other people or to yourselves, because it is something you should both already know and be sure of.

    I'm sure there are situations where younger people get engaged for different reasons and it does work out, but as I say in my personal experience these relationships often don't last because the engagement takes place to gloss over other problems in the relationship.

    I agree with some of your points (like engagement is not necessary to prove love and that in some case it is done due to insecurity) and specially like the fact that you point out that it is from your personal experience and do not generalise the all thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    filthychav - you shouldn't have to do anything to ward of 'rival girls' tbh
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote:
    You have to let other people make their own mistakes. My friends are always doing stupid things. I really dont get this mindset of thinking you have to solve all your friends problems. If my friends started doing that to me every time i did something impulsive or that they wouldnt do, tbh id just stop telling them stuff.
    Its patronising.

    Yeah, when my friend did get engaged at 16 after being with the guy for 8 months, I just congratulated her and let her get on with it. At the end of the day, whatever your opinion is on the matter, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Your friend is hardly going to turn around and say "wow, thanks for that, you've made me see that actually I shouldn't be getting engaged at my age and now I'm going to break the whole thing off". Best advice is to just be there to support them, even if you don't agree with it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes I'd agree with that. To me, it just felt silly, like playing at being a grown up, and it's not as though we were actually planning a wedding, which is to me, the point of being engaged. I don't want a long engagement.

    A friend of mine got married at 19, she's now 23 and divorced with 2 kids.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PussyKatty wrote:
    A friend of mine got married at 19, she's now 23 and divorced with 2 kids.

    Yep but it has nothing to do with the fact she got married at 19, it just didn't work out that's all...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nihilisticmadman wrote:
    Yep but it has nothing to do with the fact she got married at 19, it just didn't work out that's all...

    You don't actually know that. She rushed into it, and agrees with it herself.

    The age is not especially relevant but I think people should have a life and be independent before marrying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah but im 29 and divorced (nearly) with a kid after waiting 4 years to get married and the it failing after 5 (or 9 if youre counting the whole relationship)

    I look back now and can see why i never should have married - i just went along with it too.

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

    NMM is right. its nothing to do with age - people make stupid decisions their whole life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PussyKatty wrote:
    You don't actually know that. She rushed into it, and agrees with it herself.

    The age is not especially relevant but I think people should have a life and be independent before marrying.

    True I don't know that for sure...

    Being married doesn't stop you from having a life or being independent...
    Different peple different way of doing it...

    As I said some people get amrried in there 20s and 30s and still get divorce...

    There is no way of doing it that will guarantee you the result...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nihilisticmadman wrote:
    Being married doesn't stop you from having a life or being independent...
    Different peple different way of doing it...

    I have to say I disagree with that. If someone is married, they can't exactly take a job/study in another city/country/travel round the world easily, as they have to consider their spouse.

    If someone is single, they have more freedom.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PussyKatty wrote:
    I have to say I disagree with that. If someone is married, they can't exactly take a job/study in another city/country/travel round the world easily, as they have to consider their spouse.

    If someone is single, they have more freedom.

    Here again different people, different way of doing it...

    Some people do get married and still have their freedom and still go in an other city/country/travel for their job ad study...

    Getting married doesn't mean you have to stop living for yourself at all, it just mean you have smeone to love and to give you support when you need it...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't agree with young engagements but saying that, some do work. My Mum was engaged at 16, married at 18 and was with my Dad for 18 years and had three children.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Stacey* wrote:
    I don't agree with young engagements but saying that, some do work. My Mum was engaged at 16, married at 18 and was with my Dad for 18 years and had three children.
    my parents have been together since they were 17 and have only just separated
    my mums friend got married when she was 19 and is now 41 i think and still happily married
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Likewise, my parents have been married 25 years and my mum was 20 when they married.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not for me thank you!

    i don't wanna get married till my late 20s anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lucifer devil wrote:
    not for me thank you!

    i don't wanna get married till my late 20s anyway.

    I don't think I wanna get married at all, I'd like loads of kids I think and wouldn't want to be an old mum but I always kinda see myself as more of a single mum. :chin:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remotebleeper wrote:
    I don't think I wanna get married at all, I'd like loads of kids I think and wouldn't want to be an old mum but I always kinda see myself as more of a single mum. :chin:

    If your goal is to be a single mum, don't have kids... Single motherhood is when you have no choice as a perfect environment for kids consist of one dad and one mum so they can have the influence of both gender... If parents are good parents obviously...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nihilisticmadman wrote:
    If your goal is to be a single mum, don't have kids... Single motherhood is whe you have no choice as a perfect environment for kids consist of one dad and one mum so they can have the influence of both gender... If parents are good obviously...

    Yeah I didn't mean its my goal in life...I'd rather have a steady relationship and have children but when I think about the future it doesn't look like thats gonna happen.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my mum was 15 when she met my dad, 17 when she married him (he was 20), she then had me when she was 20, they split when i was 11, which had nothing to do with the age they got together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remotebleeper wrote:
    Yeah I didn't mean its my goal in life...I'd rather have a steady relationship and have children but when I think about the future it doesn't look like thats gonna happen.

    Ok cool, I did got the wrong idea there then, sorry...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nihilisticmadman wrote:
    Ok cool, I did got the wrong idea there then, sorry...

    Its alright, its my typing. I usually write in a jumble...much like how I speak. Need to engage my brain a bit more I think. :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remotebleeper wrote:
    Its alright, its my typing. I usually write in a jumble...much like how I speak. Need to engage my brain a bit more I think. :rolleyes:

    No worries, same here tbh :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A friend of mine got engaged at 17 (on my birthday of all days!) and I was gobsmacked. I'm totally opinionated anyway, so of course I didn't agree with it.
    I haven't seen her for ages but her partner was a total prick. I heard that they broke up shortly after because he was a serial cheater. Schmeh.

    I laugh when I hear about 16/17 year olds getting 'engaged' because it's so far fetched to believe that you'll still be 'in love' years down the line. Marriage isn't for children - adults are barely able to deal with it lol.

    Ilora x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ilora-Danon wrote:
    I laugh when I hear about 16/17 year olds getting 'engaged' because it's so far fetched to believe that you'll still be 'in love' years down the line.

    Well i dont entirely agree with that, my mum and dad got together when she was 16, married by the time she was 19 and had 24 years of marrige together before they split up, and i know this is the case also with a lot of my friends parents that got together young.
    Some people do make it, obviosuly not all of them but some do

    I don't see the point in 16 years getting engaged when they have no intention of following through with it, as someone else said it just seems to be the thing to do after you have been together a while, and something else that everyone else seems to be doing.

    People ask me and my boyfriend when we are going to get enaged after being together 3 years, and some of our friends are like ohhh well we got enaged after 8 months /two years/ whatever and you've still not done it, but we're just like, we're ok as we are doesn't mean we love each other any less but we've both said that in the near future we would rather get a house (and a dog :lol: ) together because the whole marrige thing isn't really important to us at the minute, don't see the point in doing something that wouldn't be happening for a few years yet.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beans wrote:
    People ask me and my boyfriend when we are going to get enaged after being together 3 years, and some of our friends are like ohhh well we got enaged after 8 months /two years/ whatever and you've still not done it

    aye, most of the people i talk to think there's something wrong with me cause i've been with mr. kaff 4 years and we aren't engaged. not sure why the problem would lie with me and not him :chin:

    anyway, i think getting engaged young is less stupid than getting engaged when you've not been with the person long. everyone seems like the one when you've only been with them a year or two.

    of course, you can have been with someone 10 years before you marry and it still not work out, but at least you'll have known enough about them beforehand to make an informed choice.

    relationships aren't all-or-nothing. just because you don't get engaged after 10 seconds doesn't mean you can't stay happily together and get engaged in the future when you've got some knowledge to back up your feelings.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im going to put my neck on the line now, but I've considered marriage / engagement with my girlfriend. She's 17, I'm 18. We've been going out 22 months now. Thing is, she knows I'm not going to propose to her yet and we don't want to get married yet... but we do have rings on our engagement finger or whatever that came about randomly, to signify our commitment to each other. In this way, theres no pressure in case we split up that we were supposed to get married or something, but its our own way of saying we're committed to each other.

    Each to their own though. I'd be terrified of proposing, what if things went pear shaped. I only want to do the whole propsal / marriage thing once. Having said that, the same goes with the sex thing :confused: yet that's come and gone. But either way, just my insight into things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:
    Im going to put my neck on the line now, but I've considered marriage / engagement with my girlfriend. She's 17, I'm 18. We've been going out 22 months now. Thing is, she knows I'm not going to propose to her yet and we don't want to get married yet... but we do have rings on our engagement finger or whatever that came about randomly, to signify our commitment to each other. In this way, theres no pressure in case we split up that we were supposed to get married or something, but its our own way of saying we're committed to each other.

    Each to their own though. I'd be terrified of proposing, what if things went pear shaped. I only want to do the whole propsal / marriage thing once. Having said that, the same goes with the sex thing :confused: yet that's come and gone. But either way, just my insight into things.
    do you have eternity rings or something then?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    aye, most of the people i talk to think there's something wrong with me cause i've been with mr. kaff 4 years and we aren't engaged. not sure why the problem would lie with me and not him :chin:

    anyway, i think getting engaged young is less stupid than getting engaged when you've not been with the person long. everyone seems like the one when you've only been with them a year or two.

    of course, you can have been with someone 10 years before you marry and it still not work out, but at least you'll have known enough about them beforehand to make an informed choice.

    relationships aren't all-or-nothing. just because you don't get engaged after 10 seconds doesn't mean you can't stay happily together and get engaged in the future when you've got some knowledge to back up your feelings.
    I agree, however with my ex we got engaged after 2 months, it was a sign of what we felt/commitment. Marriage wasnt on the agenda to be straight away but when we both felt ready and the time was right. It wasnt "right ive got the ring on my finger lets go get the dress etc".
    The getting engaged is fine it's just when you actually decide to tie the knot you need to know it's for real and not just the first flutters.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont agree that "everyone feels like the one when youve only been together a year or two"
    Even my ex NEVER felt like "the one" in the same way that my boyf does now, and that lasted 9 years.
    knowing that someone is right for you is more than just feeling like you love someone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    do you have eternity rings or something then?

    i dont know, they're just 'rings'. not special wedding / engagement rings, just rings that kinda have the same style :) and we wear them all the time and its special to us two. they also serve as a reminder in some cases :blush:
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