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Was he taking advantage?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So was out last Friday for my mates Birthday. Great craic, etc.
I asked a girl from my work to join us (Lets call her Louise). Great wee chick, but doesn't know any of my friends and can be very quiet.
Anyways, we had alot to drink. I noticed during the night my mate, (Lets call him Tom) was all over Louise like a rash soon as she was hitting the shots. I was by her side for most of the night, but soon as I turned my back, he was gropping her breasts ina really sleazy way while having his tongue down her throat. To be honest, I didn't think much of it at the time, cause I was that drunk myself. Wasn't till I was talking to me other mate about it the next day and both agreed he was getting too friendly with her, known fine well she was too drunk to know what she was doing.
Fair enough, he did get her home eventually, as she was apparently sick outside afterwards. But just sickens me that he would grope a girl like that, when it was obvious to everyone she didnn't know what she was doing, ya know?
I have refused to talk to him at the moment, cause I feel let down that he treat any girl like that. I mean, I was in a state, but my male friends would never try to take advantage of me, even the ones that I know likes me a little more than just being mates.
Do ya think maybe, I'm over re-acting?
I asked a girl from my work to join us (Lets call her Louise). Great wee chick, but doesn't know any of my friends and can be very quiet.
Anyways, we had alot to drink. I noticed during the night my mate, (Lets call him Tom) was all over Louise like a rash soon as she was hitting the shots. I was by her side for most of the night, but soon as I turned my back, he was gropping her breasts ina really sleazy way while having his tongue down her throat. To be honest, I didn't think much of it at the time, cause I was that drunk myself. Wasn't till I was talking to me other mate about it the next day and both agreed he was getting too friendly with her, known fine well she was too drunk to know what she was doing.
Fair enough, he did get her home eventually, as she was apparently sick outside afterwards. But just sickens me that he would grope a girl like that, when it was obvious to everyone she didnn't know what she was doing, ya know?
I have refused to talk to him at the moment, cause I feel let down that he treat any girl like that. I mean, I was in a state, but my male friends would never try to take advantage of me, even the ones that I know likes me a little more than just being mates.
Do ya think maybe, I'm over re-acting?
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Comments
Bloody hell girly you were quick
Ok, ya think maybe I should just talk to him and maybe he'll learn not to ever treat a girl like that next time when they are in that kind of vulnerable state?
I know they didn't sleep with each other, but he doesn't have to, to take advantage, surely?!
Maybe you could have a quiet word with him; is it possible he was pissed as well so pushing the boundaries of what he'd get up to in "normal" (read: sober) circumstances (?)...not that that makes it at all acceptable.
Don't expect him to openly agree that he was wrong though, thats a different thing all together! lol
Well that's the thing. If he has been drunk himself, I wouldn't be as hard on him. But he was the most sober one of us all as he didn't turn up till later on in the night.
He tried talking to me on MSN, but I'm just too annoyed at the moment. Louise text me last night thinking I was mad at her but I set her straight and told her, I wasn't and that I was more mad at myself for introducing her to Tom, as she deserves sooo much better than that. She said, she doesn't remember too much of the night as she was that drunk but he wouldn't leave her alone the next day and she didn't have the heart to tell him that she doesn't look at him that way.
When I refused to speak to him at work on Saturday and told him why, he went of telling other mates of ours, trying to bring them into it. Saying he doesn't know what my problem is, cause she was all over him and was even texting him loads the next day - But I'm not finding out from Louise that it was him that would not stop texting her. The guy is that stupid, he doesn't realise it's all going to to come back to me.
Aww man, I just can't stand people like that, ya know?!
Sounds like he's being a bit of an idiot, and more than a little out of line if he was sober and she was very drunk. But obviously he saw it as because she was reciprocating she was as genuinely interested as he was.
I guess there's not much you can do other than let it all calm down a little, you know the truth about what she's thinking, and that if she was texting him the next day it wasn't out of genuine interest but reluctance to tell him she's not interested.
If he's still telling himself that something will come out of it (and that she's interested in more) then he'll soon enough have egg on his face... even if he doesn't then at least you've learned not to introduce him to your mates because he's obviously not trustworthy in that respect and maybe a wee bit deluded. You've been a good mate to Louise in having a word, there's not much more you can do I don't think.
Cheers huni - Yeah, I probably will talk to him eventually. Just not now as I'm still too annoyed with him to try and be civil with the guy.
Usually my mates can look after themselves, but Vicky was really drunk to try and push him off. Tom just an asshole, who doesn't know how to take a hint, when a girl aint interested. As he's came onto all my friends in the past. Just they were sober enough to tell him, no thanks.
Fcuk Me, Why am I friends with this Eejit?!
Good question - but I gather you work with him? It's easy to say 'oh, stop being friends with them' but it's very hard to freeze out someone you work with, especially in a social environment like yours, without causing all kinds of gossip and rifts etc so it's often easier just to sweep things under the rug. At least that's what I've found.
Maybe just give this bloke a wide berth where possible and give all your mates fair warning about what he can be like.
Don't think I'll be talking to him for a while now.
I tried talking to him on MSN there, telling him I wsn't happy with what he did on Friday and explaining I've already apoligised to Louise for letting her get in that state, especially when she didn't know anyone really. And told him, he owes her an apoligie as well.
He cracked him saying, '...it was her that was all over me, but another if u wann be a dick fine fuck u and later'
Charmin, eh?
Luckily, yeah, I understand - It's not like they slept with each other.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt, if he was drunk himself.
But he wasn't. Tom, has a history of being too touchy feely with girls but I did not think he had it in him, to take it that little bit further with a girl who was clearly too drunk to know what was doing. He clearly doesn't know his limits!
It's not like it was some random guy. He's suppose to be my friend. And so he should have more respect for my friends, surely?
i know ive done things when drunk that ive certainly regretted, but thats just part of the game.
80:20 his fault if he wasnt drunk but i think she can be excused for getting in that state.
I guess its all down to different people, i know myself and my friends would never take advantage of someone like that but not everyone is as level headed.
I got in a pretty bad state as well, which is why I wasn't with her the whole night. She nervous meeting my friends which is why I think she was knockin the drink down a bit to help her come out of her shell a bit.
How terrible.
Disgusting behaviour really, but not exactly a shock. Sounds like an utter cunt, but then lots of men in that situation are.
Like Kermit said, he was not drunk. Did you not read the thread?
As I mentioned before that I would give him the benefit of the doubt it he was drunk!
I guess, I'm just more annoyed at him, cause he's suppose to my friend and I expected more from him. He was more concerned for his own needs, than thinking what would be best for her. He should have looked after her for me, not take advantage.
I reckon the groping is a bit too far but you never said if she reisted at all. If she was capable enough to reist then maybe she didn't have a problem with it???
I think your a bit jelaous my friend.
Nope, but either way it's hardly a big deal. So he got off with one of your pals who was drunk and all over him - why care? She obviously didn't have a problem with it.
Drunk or sober...if you don't want to do something...you don't fucking do it!
If you lose ALL inhibitions with alcohol you need to moderate how much you're drinking.
She was that drunk, she was sick afterwards and cannot remember all that much to begin with. She could barely hold her own head up apparently from what my other friends told me.
She did not push him back, but the way I look at it, she was that drunk, she probably didn't even know what she was doing, or knew who she was kissing. Tom was the sober one and should have used a bit of common sense and looked after her to make sure she got home, that's it.
But instead, I see a sleazy guy, thinking about what he wants, rather than being concerned about what she needs.
It's a completely different situation when one is sober and the other is clearly too drunk to know what she's doing.. If a woman is that drunk then men should know not to take advantage.
I care, because she is my friend and I thought she would be cared for. Not used soon as she is in a vulnerable state. She does not care for him, in that way and has been trying to tell him since. She does not look at him in that way. She never did!
All very well, but at the same time you don't take advantage of people who are out of it.
Yeah, she was fine at the time. Big deal. To take advantage like that is very cuntish behaviour, and there is no denying that at all.
I certainly wouldn't trust this individual around drunk women.
:rolleyes:
I think you pulled that one out of your arse.
This message is hidden because Walkindude is on your ignore list.
:yes:
It's a known fact that some men will take advantages of drunk women...
And frankly getting drunk to the point of not knowing what you are doing and don't remember it after is probably more bad for her health that some tongue down her throat and some breasts grabbing.
But as it was suppose to be a friend, I think you could have expected a bit more from him...
Yeah, after she got off with him...presumably after more drinks?
Alcohol must do some magical stuff to some people. Being drunk DOES NOT prevent you from knowing EXACTLY who you're getting off with...unless you're semi-conscious.
What did your pal think about it afterwards? I can't say i know any mentally stable person who would be left traumatised by such a nothing event.
Even though she wanted the same...and indeed according to him initiated it.
Definitely a case of a jealousy, conscious or unconscious.
i dont think its the detriment, or potential detriment to health that we are concerned about here, its a man taking liberties with a drunken lady, two very different things