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Can't come?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok - this feels like an odd question to be writing down but I'm interested to know if anyone's had a similar experience. I started seeing someone new recently, and last night we slept together for the first time. To begin with he lost his erection, and then later in the evening he found himself on the brink of orgasm for ages, but just couldn't seem to come. I'd gone down on him, we'd had sex in several different positions and places, he'd even tried touching himself, but however long we went for he'd only ever reach the edge.

The loss of erection is really not a problem for me, I just enjoy being close to him, but I'm a bit confused as to why he couldn't seem to come. Pretty cool for me as he lasted for hours, but not so cool for him; he wasn't embarrassed (or at least I hope not, I made it clear that none of it was a problem for me and kept showering him with attention) but having never happened before he must have been a bit worried.... and in pain....!!

Has anyone ever come across this before?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was he drunk or anything?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are drunk/nervous/on medication it can all have an effect on your ability to ejaculate. Has he had this problem in the past?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and in pain....!!

    Has anyone ever come across this before?

    Does his foreskin retract properly??

    if not this could lead to a lack of sensitivity, problems keeping an erection and painful sex
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just sounds to me like he was nervous, once he gets it done the first time all will be fine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beats coming too soon! ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beats coming too soon! ;)


    so lasting for hours IS important!!!! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    so lasting for hours IS important!!!! :thumb:


    not hours. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not hours. :p
    Tantric? :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not hours. :p

    perfect time then luc? :confused: :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We'd had a bottle of wine between us, so alcohol had been consumed but not even close to enough for it to be a feasible explanation. No foreskin problems big wobbly - all I meant by 'in pain' was ball-ache!! It's odd; not a problem at all, as I said, screaming orgasms etc. aren't what sex is about for me, and he was definitely enjoying himself, I'm just curious as I've never known anyone to stay on the brink for so long and yet not be able to 'topple over', as such!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    perfect time then luc? :confused: :thumb:


    there isn't one really.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there isn't one really.


    great, another thing pressure on the guy :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id prefer to go for ages without coming then it wudnt feel like a pump pump squirt ... perhaps thats why i enjoy drunk sex more you can go for what seems likes hours on end then pass out and not give a fuck about them :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We'd had a bottle of wine between us, so alcohol had been consumed but not even close to enough for it to be a feasible explanation. No foreskin problems big wobbly - all I meant by 'in pain' was ball-ache!! It's odd; not a problem at all, as I said, screaming orgasms etc. aren't what sex is about for me, and he was definitely enjoying himself, I'm just curious as I've never known anyone to stay on the brink for so long and yet not be able to 'topple over', as such!!

    half a bottle of wine is more than enough to effect proceedings
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really? I would never have thought so.... interesting
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have had a similar thing happen with a now ex-long term partner. We discussed it afterwards and he couldn't explain it . But after the first few times it all sorted itself out. I don't know to this day what it was all about.
    It's good that things are going so well still though. Just give it time I think is all I can say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not unheard of.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    More than likely to do with the alcohol. See what difference it makes when yas both aren't drinking.

    I find it frustrating when I feel so close to orgasm, but never actually quite get there :( -which happens to me when I have been drinking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    great, another thing pressure on the guy :(

    Your worried about it too much. There's not a perfect formula for sex - you might have great sex where you last for x amounts of minutes and go through y positions but if you do that everytime its just boring. Formulaic.

    And to be honest if your checking your watch to see when you should come your not really in the moment and she'll notice. Just relax and enjoy it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jon_UK wrote:
    Your worried about it too much. There's not a perfect formula for sex - you might have great sex where you last for x amounts of minutes and go through y positions but if you do that everytime its just boring. Formulaic.

    And to be honest if your checking your watch to see when you should come your not really in the moment and she'll notice. Just relax and enjoy it.

    True I guess.

    Still, can't be denied that we are under pressure to perform.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    True I guess.

    Still, can't be denied that we are under pressure to perform.

    And girls aren't? :confused: I can almost guaruntee you that most girls you meet are going to be just as worried and self consious as you are
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My fella had a night like that due to too much alcohol but the next morning everything was fine again so i wouldn't worry too much, just one of those things. As someone's already said just see how it goes sober and take it from there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    used to happen with my ex because of his antidepressants.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jon_UK wrote:
    And girls aren't? :confused: I can almost guaruntee you that most girls you meet are going to be just as worried and self consious as you are


    well I am not going to go into the merits of the men vs women performance in bed argument but if you watch clerks, they talk about it in that and it does make a good point.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jon_UK wrote:
    And girls aren't? :confused: I can almost guaruntee you that most girls you meet are going to be just as worried and self consious as you are
    Yeah, but they don't have the constant media driven crap that goes on. I mean if a guy went on one of those daytime TV shows and said he broke up with his girlfriend because she was crap at blowjobs, he'd be lynched. A girl says she broke up with her boyfriend because he couldn't satisfy her in bed, then they just have a laugh about it and say fair enough.

    But I suppose with girls its more the pressure of how you look naked, and with guys it's more how you perform.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know about the rest of you but if I try to hold back coming too soon so I can last longer , it's like once you pass that point of no return and held it back it won't happen . It's like you missed your chance and the valve closed again or something . So sometimes by trying to be a good lover so I can last longer and make my g/f cum it prevents me from cumming . It's happened to me a lot and usualy the girl thinks something's wrong so I usually try to explain but I always doubt they believe me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Stupid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    I agree with Stupid.

    I saw someone today who had a t shirt saying that. :p

    Guess we all just have different views on it. Sex should be enjoyable not something to make you anxious though and a big part of the enjoyment is seeing that the other person is enjoying themselves. If your worried about what your doing and axious surely that is going to take away from the fun of whoever your sleeping with :confused:

    Possibly it gets to be a bit of a viscous cycle...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes I would agree with that Jon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One stuff he can do is try is hold is breath (or you strangle him whatever your pleasures are) it will add more pressure on him and it can sometimes give you that extra boost that will make you come. Worth the shot I think, also I doubt it will work with everyone.
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