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Hmmm what do i do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok well i've been seeing someone for about 3 months now. She had come out of a long relationship with someone so we decided to take things slow and just get to know each other. We have grown to really like each other over the past few months, shes basically been my first girlfriend as such and she means everything to me, shes made me so happy and made me feel something i've never felt for someone before.
Well shes always kinda said she doesnt any real commitments as yet as she had just split from a long term relationship but just this week she told me that she was starting to feel like she wants to be with me long term. Blew me away, was so happy that someone felt that way about me. But then things started going quiet. Just assumed she was busy and tired from work. Saw her a couple of times and things seemed as they were before. Just alot of affection etc. I asked her if everything was ok as she had been pretty quiet.
She said she doesnt know what she feels and she doesnt want a relationship and that she needs time. I told her everything about how i feel about her and that i will give her all the time she needs. She says she wants me, she wants to be happy but she just doesnt know what she wants and shes tired of hurting people.
So really im just a little confused and don't know how to approach things. Do i just give her time and space to think things over? Or should i just be prepared to let her go? I really want to be with her and make her happy but i can't do that if she doesnt want the same.
Well shes always kinda said she doesnt any real commitments as yet as she had just split from a long term relationship but just this week she told me that she was starting to feel like she wants to be with me long term. Blew me away, was so happy that someone felt that way about me. But then things started going quiet. Just assumed she was busy and tired from work. Saw her a couple of times and things seemed as they were before. Just alot of affection etc. I asked her if everything was ok as she had been pretty quiet.
She said she doesnt know what she feels and she doesnt want a relationship and that she needs time. I told her everything about how i feel about her and that i will give her all the time she needs. She says she wants me, she wants to be happy but she just doesnt know what she wants and shes tired of hurting people.
So really im just a little confused and don't know how to approach things. Do i just give her time and space to think things over? Or should i just be prepared to let her go? I really want to be with her and make her happy but i can't do that if she doesnt want the same.
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So think the best bet is to just give her space for now.
Remember, people always want what they can't have so make her chase! I mean this in a nice way though!
I'll let her come to me when shes ready but whatever happens we'll be friends.
Well yeah i think she is very confused at the moment.
To the question was she hurt in her past relationship? Well i think shes more scared of hurting people as she was the one who ended her last relationship and she feels really bad for hurting the guy. I think thats probably more of the reason why she doesn't want to commit because she is scared of hurting me. Which she hasn't though, shes made me happy.
I miss her already but as has been said already i will just give her space for a few weeks and see what happens.
Really sympathise with you mate - can feel your pain, but this is the right thing to do. If she doesn't come back to you, then you can move on with alot less pain than if you spent the next month chasing her and trying to convince her and if she does work it out and decides she wants to be with you - then great....
I know man, i've been in a similar situation and it's against all natural instincts to keep quite and keep away cus you just wanna be there for 'em, but sometimes natural instincts make things worse.....
she just sounds confused, my ex is having the same problem at the moment, best thing to do is give her time and space and don't rush her.
Shes been very quiet though of late, suppose thats just her way but shes the kind of person who doesnt really like to say what shes feeling that openly so its really hard to know if shes being quiet because shes busy with work, tired or upset. So then its hard, i wanna keep asking if shes ok but like everyones being saying i need to leave her alone for abit.
Just be yourself, she likes you for you. You went into this knowing that she had issues with getting over her ex and stuff. I guess it must hurt, but just take a backseat for a while, but make sure she knows full well that you are there for her. You haven't done anything wrong, she just needs time to get her head together.
Hope you are ok
That's all it is, I think. It's a big hurdle to get across, at least so soon.
Just take things slowly. It's a natural reaction to go "oh shit" when things seem serious, especially if you're still tender from before.
You know what, i think thats exactly what has happened here. We were getting to stage in seeing each other where it would be hard to go back from and thats how she saw it so she didnt know what to do.
Seen her and bless her she's really confused. She doesnt know what she wants, she doesnt like the fact that shes basically said that shes falling for me but has stopped seeing me. Had a nice chat though. Was a first for me really, to speak to someone so openly about how i feel but i felt better after. Just told her what i've been feeling and thinking and so did she.
She was crying a little
But we'll see
Well i suppose she now has the break from all this she might need. She has alot of work to do over the next couple of weeks so i've just told her to concentrate on that for now. I mean if i had the option of knowing hows shes feeling now or in a couple of weeks i would say now of course but thats not how it works so i guess ive just got to put up with it.
But i dunno, i just have this feeling and i don't know why that she doesn't want anything more than being friends, of course thats not a bad thing but its just the growing problem that now i have these feelings for her and they arent gonna disappear in the near future.
I've pretty much told her everything now of how i feel, she wanted me to say so she could think it all through. But when it comes to her she can never get her feelings out and just ends up saying "i really don't know what to say".
I dunno if im looking into everything she says way too much but maybe one of her texts had a littel i dunno. I basically said that i've meant everything that i have said and she replied that " i know you mean everything, its just feeling that way about someone does wear off. Maybe in a couple of weeks you will have seen sense and realised im not worth it."
I mean is there some hint of hows shes feeling there or what i dunno. Maybe im just looking into it too much. Or maybe as Hannah (Mystifymysoul) was saying on Msn that shes just insecure at the moment and needs reassurance. I really don't know and its confusing the hell out of me.
I don't think playing this hard to get games really gonna work with her. She already talks negatively about herself and i don't think leaving her alone will help.
See, when i've had a girl use this sort of line on me in the past, it's normally been an excuse or a cover up for "i don't wanna be with you", so it makes it seem like it's her fault instead of yours. But i think that this is different and what this girl really does have this inferiority complex, thinking she's not worth it. I really don't know what to say to you mate. If it was me, i'd probably go back on the giving her space thing, and start to fight for her, trying to convince her she definately is worth it otherwise i wouldn't feel this way for her. But then again, i hardly ever get these things right! Gees, can someone please give this guy some good advice?!
It could really be either of those. She has always talked herself down saying shes a "horrible person" because she hurts people. I've told her she hasnt hurt me but its hard to get right through to her. She finds it hard to take compliments as well. So i dunno!