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Frustrated in long distance ralationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
any opinions ??
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i dont really think shes a cow its how she describes herself.
A relationship works two ways, and she needs your help. It can be hard, I know that and appreciate that. Try talking about it with her, or approaching her in a more complimentary way rather than being frustrated with her moods.
If you really love her, you'll do this. And communication is absolutely 100% crucial in a long distance relationship. There's no other way about it.
I realise i need to support her when shes in these moods. I had been doing so since i realised she had these problems, but its very hard to be supportive when its thrown back in your face as being weak, especially on top of the stress of final year of uni and my own worries about being so far away from her.
i have tried to talk about it without being confrontational, but it soon sprials into more than it should be, like last night.
said she wants to end it to make it easier for us both, mainly she says cos of how she treats me and shes worried she will lose me because of it.
I dont know if i should be giving her some space so she doesnt think im weak or be supporting her and making sure she knows she wont lose me.
Also, try suggesting that she talks to someone about it and that maybe she seeks professional help. Try to show her that it might help. If she accepts, then go through it with her. If not, then don't push it any further. The fact that you have suggested it shows that you care, and it will mean that she will be thinking about it.
You have to be there for her, but don't let it stress you out too much. There is only so much that you can do. Try your best, but make sure that you can have your space and your time too.
obviously there would be some things you could excuse, like the moods, but this bit was just her being out of line:
if i were you, i would let her know that yes, you will be there for her, and you'll support her as much as she needs, but she can't take her trauma out on you. it isn't healthy for either of you, and it isn't fair.
While you may try your best to be supportive because of her previous bad experience, she may need to get some professional counseling to help her cope with what had happened. It's not healthy to be having any kind of suicidal thoughts. Encourage her to get some counseling.
I'm glad that everything worked out.
x
I suspected something had happened but it took her till now to tell me, on my birthday and after i traveled a thousand odd miles to spend my easter holidays with her. Really not sure what to do im obviously hurt by it and lost some trust. but it didnt hurt me as much as i thought it would and we obviously werent very serious at the time it happened and i am mostly just relieved that i know why she was acting the way she was.
It's not easy to run away from someone you love, even if they treat you badly or cheat on you. Especially if this girl is suicidal, it may make it worse as she could get more depressed and then the guy would feel really guilty if she did take any of her suicidal traits further.
i didn't say it was, in fact i stated it wouldn't be in my post, i've been there so i do know........at the end of the day you have to stop blaming yourself for somebody else's misery, it's not his fault she's like that and if he takes it all on himself to put it right he's gonna get very weary and jaded fast......that's just my judgement based on experience, some people have less issues than others and everyone's different, that's just my 2p.
and if u do love dnt leave her especialy not at a time like this.
possibly my life will be easier without her but i was happy with a difficult one
Chin up,you sound like a good bloke and your single now so you`ll probably have no trouble geting a girl who will really care about you. :thumb:
wow. what an unecessarily harsh thing to say to someone.
don't beat yourself about it, mate. all you did was try to be there for her, and there's no shame in that. we all make mistakes in relationships, and if your mistake was being a bit too kind to someone who doesn't sound like they deserved it, well, you know, personally i could live with that.
Like they say,out of sight and out of mind. :thumb:
Ps dont let her blame her depression on you,you tried to help her through all her shit so dont even contemplate that thought. :no:
Told me she needed to talk to me about us last night but wouldnt say what, said she would talk later, which turned out to be 4am in the morning :mad: at which point she starts to try and hold me and stroke me, and asks if im ok, she didnt like my responce of telling her i felt much better than i expected and that i didnt really want to talk when i was trying to get some sleep. She went on to tell me why she hates me and to blame all her problems on me.
Was getting pretty pissed off at this point and noticed she clearly didnt have a clue who i really am. So i decide to be honest and point out some of the reasons we were arguing so much, maybe i was being harsh, wasnt trying to just had enough of her blaming me for everything, To which she replys that i need to think about what im saying or i will be resposible for her taking her own life.
Shes been looking terrible all day not stopped crying and has just sped of in her car, really worried she will do something stupid.
Sorry for my ramblings needed to let it out not having anyone to talk to here but her
Plus,you had a right standing up to her when she was telling you how she hates you and blames you etc..........why dont you tell her how much shes been messing your life up?
At the end of the day shes not your responsibilty and if your worried about her cant you alert the police or something to keep her on suicide watch?
she is doing something stupid. it's called emotional blackmail and you don't have to stand for it.
imo the best thing you can do for both of you is walk away and never look back. i know that sounds a bit harsh, but you need to learn that some people will do anything it takes to manipulate others and that you're better off without people like that in your life, and she needs to learn that it takes more than a sob story or guilt trip to keep a hold of people, and she needs to start thinking about how she treats people.
Is there any way at all you can get home earlier?
Kaffrins right. Shes emotionally blackmailing you, and it wouldnt surprise me if she now kept changing her mind as to whether she wanted you or not, just because youre coping ok. She will try to mess with your head now she realises you are fine without her.
Found it too coincidental that she told me about him (her ex) just the night before then all of a sudden he appears and rapes her when she is really drunk and horny...heh
I was there for her and made her go to the police, not that anything got done. Since then she started talking to another ex (long distance one) and stopped the xxxxx and the "I love you" stuff, she probably blames me for it. I remember her saying "everytime I read an email from you I feel I have done something wrong and its all my fault", I didnt realise she felt like this and thats the indication of where its going.
Since then she was apparently busy with university and so on so I didnt say much and just told her im here when she needs me, after some asking around from people I knew her and the ex were doing 'friendly' online stuff and seemed pretty close, then whenever I got a chat with her she said "oh I miss you" "oh this" "oh that" explaining how busy she is with no time, blatent bullshit, you know, the general deep caring comments but really they had no meaning. There is only so much I could take but after what she had been through I thought I would just stay for her as a friend. She wasnt too busy, just too busy for ME.
I sent the odd email as time went on and so did she but after that it was only a matter of time and I knew she wasnt serious even as a friend, I was just there when no one is online or shes lonely, fuck that whats the point in a friendship or relationship if they just use you? Then I get this yet another deep feeling email later on and I didnt reply, its just too much pain and I know she didnt care. I saw her online once and just gave a quick "hope you are ok" in hope she would respond, she blocks me so I just sent a fairwell email and what do I get back? Another "you are a bad guy" email. After that I just apologised for whatever I did and thats it, this was yesterday.
All in all, she needed me at first but once her ex contacted or she contacted her ex, it went down hill and this "you are bad to me" to "hey hows u" emails wasnt confusion, I think it was to distance me without saying fuck off or keep me on a leash? who knows but I know it wasnt geniuine care from one person to another, after all that talking I did with her about honesty too. I tell you right now mate, leave it even if you are tempted to go back just leave it be.
Plenty more decent loving women (just hard to find) available, someone who will appreciate you. What I find in the end is they regret it, I offer nothing but my care and honesty and in return they abuse it. This happened with a few girls; 1 year on; one is homeless or something and the other has gone a tad bit strange, dont know about the rest. Its sad, there is no need to do it but meh, women. I hear all this crap how bad men are, yet I find decent guys just care too much, I havent lost hope though(with her I have but I mean in general).
Im not sure whether it was emotional blackmail or not partly yes, but i get the impression she really was thinking about taking her life, she had attepted it once in the past, and is clearly very worried about her problems, trying to blame them on me so she could block them out and hope they will go away on their own.
Ive known a couple of truely horrible girls and she is nothing like them. Dispite everything i know she isnt a horrible person, i can see she is truely sorry for how she treated me and didnt mean to do the things she done. She is clearly very confused and has a lot to sort out in her mind.
Think you might be right about her changing her mind suzycream, I might be tempted back one day if im totaly sure it can be different and sure she has worked through her problems. not the type to make the same mistake twice though and will be very careful and certainly wont let it stop me from moving on.
I'm not surprised that she ended up fucked off with you if you made her go to the police about it.
You weren't there for her at all.