Getting over the past...

BillieTheBot · March 2006

Wasn't quite sure where to post this so I'll just ask it (mods feel free to move it if you want)...how do you get over the past? How do you forget things you really don't want to remember?

I've got years of shit I just want to forget to be honest. Its taken me till now to realise that the past couple of years of my life have been a complete waste of time. Its made me realise how unhappy I've been the past couple of years when its quite obvious to me now that if I had the guts to make one big decision so much earlier than I did, things would have been alot better for me. Alot of stuff happened in those years that I would rather just forget but arrrgghh, its weird because now I'm actually happy again the past is bugging me. I keep thinking about things that happened and getting upset about them.

I'm having nightmares every night about a particular thing that keeps bugging me and arrrggghh MAKE IT STOP!!!

I'm going insane guys, help me out. Someone hit me over the head with a frying pan so I can really have a fresh start.

Former Member · March 2006

Yeah i often wish i could erase parts of my life that i wish hadnt happened.

But you cant, youcant make it go away. All you can do is learn from it and try not to spend too much time dwelling on it. It was one of lifes lessons, try and look at something positive that you can take from it and move forward.

Former Member · March 2006

Look forward to the future. :yes:

Former Member · March 2006

You see I'm trying to do that so much. I can't help dwelling on the fact though that its my own fault I've been miserable for years. Well, its not exactly my fault but I never saw what I do now if that makes any sense? If I knew then what I know now, I would have acted alot differently and made decisions much much earlier. Its just bugging me because I dunno, I feel as though I've wasted years of my life getting stressed out about stuff I didn't need to if I did something about it.

Former Member · March 2006

My past torments me.

But I'm a product of my experiences. I wouldn't be the person I am today without going through the shitty times, without making the bad decisions, without upsetting people.

You do forget for the most part. If you want to. If you let that part of your life die then it fades away.

Nothing is every a waste of time. If it changes your views, shows you what's important or gives you an idea of what you don't want to do with your life, then it wasn't a waste of time.

You're the only person that can give yourself a fresh start. Just let go of the past. It's not easy but it's the only way.

(that has to be the most serious post I've ever made

)

Former Member · March 2006

not much help but..eternal sunshine of a spotless mind?

Dr Pirate · March 2006

I've found a fool proof way of dealing with my problems...

Not dealing with them.

failing that, I'll gladly drink mine away, whilst ofcourse not dealing with them.

Former Member · March 2006

icey wrote:

not much help but..eternal sunshine of a spotless mind?

If that technology were available, would you use it though? (ace film though...)

Former Member · March 2006

Rich-E wrote:

If that technology were available, would you use it though? (ace film though...)

God no!

Better to have loved and lost and all that malarky.

Former Member · March 2006

Some things are so difficult and terrible, that they keep tormenting us. The thing is, you shouldn't waste energy in trying to forget them, cause sometimes you just can't. You should put your energy into working to get over them, which is different. Sure, its a lot more work but more effective in the long run. If something is haunting you, you have to face it and deal with it, not try to evade it.

Seek for help and take it wherever it is offered. Go to your friends, to the people who care, a specialist... whatever can help, take it, cause you deserve it. The best you can do for yourself is to stop blaming yourself and know that you deserve to be happy.

Former Member · March 2006

You see, I'm beginning to feel as though that "its better to have loved and lost" theory is a pile of crap. I've always believed in it but now I'm beginning to think otherwise.

Former Member · March 2006

bluewisdom wrote:

know that you deserve to be happy.

I was told by someone I know a few weeks ago that I don't. :crying:

Former Member · March 2006

Sikorah wrote:

Yeah i often wish i could erase parts of my life that i wish hadnt happened.

But you cant, youcant make it go away. All you can do is learn from it and try not to spend too much time dwelling on it. It was one of lifes lessons, try and look at something positive that you can take from it and move forward.

there isn't much more of an answer than this one.
when you get to my age theres pages and pages of stuff in your life you can do with out.
but ...these things are a part of you ...who you are who you were ...what you did and what hopefully you won't do again.
the tapestry of your life is wonderful. pain pleasure regret loss sucsess.
we can't go backwards and we can't stand still ...we have no power no choice ...to change the fact that we can only ever go forward.
don't look back in anger ...

Former Member · March 2006

*Stacey* wrote:

I was told by someone I know a few weeks ago that I don't. :crying:

Don't listen to them, everyone deserves to be happy.

Former Member · March 2006

Yeah I know that. I'm never talking to that person ever again because I KNOW that I deserve to be happy and I didn't deserve what they said to me. It just bugs me though. The fact the person said that is bugging me. It just makes you realise how cold hearted and bitter some people can be.

Former Member · March 2006

*Stacey* wrote:

I was told by someone I know a few weeks ago that I don't. :crying:

They are talking shite.

Former Member · March 2006

Yeah, I know that deep down but when people say things to you like that, you kinda question whether or not what they are saying is true.

Former Member · March 2006

*Stacey* wrote:

Yeah I know that. I'm never talking to that person ever again because I KNOW that I deserve to be happy and I didn't deserve what they said to me. It just bugs me though. The fact the person said that is bugging me. It just makes you realise how cold hearted and bitter some people can be.

Yeah, I know. Its a sad fact that these people exist. Just try not to give them more importance than they deserve, and turn to the people who do care about you.

Former Member · March 2006

bluewisdom wrote:

Yeah, I know. Its a sad fact that these people exist. Just try not to give them more importance than they deserve, and turn to the people who do care about you.

I hurt this person though. I didn't mean to hurt this person and was terribly sorry when I found out I did. I tried to sort things out and thought I was doing and then they turned round and said something like that when they realised I was getting on with my life and was happy.

Former Member · March 2006

so cut a long story short, you dumped some guy and and while you've been playing happy miss for a while hes in the dark that you've been getting over him and have now dropped a bombshell on him which is why hes turned nasty?
Sounds a tiny bit like my situation which is why i ask...

Former Member · March 2006

*Stacey* wrote:

I hurt this person though. I didn't mean to hurt this person and was terribly sorry when I found out I did. I tried to sort things out and thought I was doing and then they turned round and said something like that when they realised I was getting on with my life and was happy.

Well, this person sounds pretty resentful to me, and also jealous of your success in being better and getting on with things. I can imagine how you're feeling though, and if its a person who you're close to it hurts even more. Thing is trying to put things in perspective. You've hurt them, but it was unintentional and you said you were sorry. You were trying to sort things out, but apparently it wasn't enough for this person, and then they see you are doing well and are happy. So they go on and say something nasty to get your attention back. i know its hard, but DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. If you've said you're sorry and have tried to make it up to them, theres not much more you can do, adn it DEFINITELY doesn't undermine your right to be happy. Don't let them hold you back.

Former Member · March 2006

icey wrote:

so cut a long story short, you dumped some guy and and while you've been playing happy miss for a while hes in the dark that you've been getting over him and have now dropped a bombshell on him which is why hes turned nasty?
Sounds a tiny bit like my situation which is why i ask...

:no: No thats not what its about. The reason why this person got hurt was because I was really confused, I didn't think about what I was doing and was a bit I don't know, silly although I've been told by loads and loads of people that I didn't actually do anything wrong and I'm silly for letting this person drum it into me that I had done something wrong. I told this person over and over again though about how I realised I was in the wrong and how I was sorry but you know. I tried to remain friends with this person and we were getting on well again until this person found out that I was happy. Thats when they told me I didn't deserve to be happy and upsetting me was fun.

Anyways, back on to the topic, I just want to forget about everything thats happened in the past couple of years because its just all getting to me. I suppose its all down to time really.

Former Member · March 2006

I think this is the best advice.

Sikorah wrote:

Yeah i often wish i could erase parts of my life that i wish hadnt happened.

But you cant, youcant make it go away. All you can do is learn from it and try not to spend too much time dwelling on it. It was one of lifes lessons, try and look at something positive that you can take from it and move forward.

Former Member · March 2006

*Stacey* wrote:

we were getting on well again until this person found out that I was happy. Thats when they told me I didn't deserve to be happy and upsetting me was fun.

What a wanker. Give him a slap next time you see him.

Former Member · March 2006

What exactly is it that you want to forget? maybe someone on thesite has gone through similar experiences and may be able to share how they delt with it?
I'm not saying go into a lot of detail but just general stuff, you know..

Former Member · March 2006

I won't be seeing him/her again. I've cut all contact with them. I've deleted their numbers off my phone, deleted & blocked them on my msn list, blocked their email address, etc. Its not what I wanted to do but being told that I didn't deserve to be happy and hurting me was fun was the last thing I could take really.

Former Member · March 2006

icey wrote:

What exactly is it that you want to forget? maybe someone on thesite has gone through similar experiences and may be able to share how they delt with it?
I'm not saying go into a lot of detail but just general stuff, you know..

If I could discuss it on here, I would but doing so would only cause more problems for me.

I was just asking for advice on how to forget and move on from the past. It could be about anything really.

Former Member · March 2006

Best thing is to accept the past as a formality, it's done and dusted. You can't let it affect how you live the rest of your life because life will just pass you by if you keep thinking "what if I done x or said y" Pointless.

Former Member · March 2006

ok fair enough.
personally i tend to drink to forget my troubles but i dont think thats the best advice to offer really. Just keep busy and surround yourself with people who care about you. try not to dwell on the past and just try to move on.
I still keep sneezing!! :mad:

Former Member · March 2006

Life is one big learning curve. I like to think everything happens for a reason, whilst at the same time we have the ability to make choices so that on occasions we can affect the outcome of some situations and make them work for us.

The key to getting over you're past is to learn from things, not to over think negative situations that have occurred in your past and to look to the positives, and there are many positives. To dwell on the negatives is to waste valuable time in a life that can be cut short at any moment. It is better to use time to your advantage and get on with things. Don't let stupid peopel get you down by making negative comments, that only goes to show how shallow that person can be saying those kind of stupid things. Have self belief, it really will take you a long way. Self belief leads to confidence which leads to being happy which leads to focusing on the postives of life and enjoying it whilst you can.

The past is the past and that is where it should stay. Whilst we all learn from it, It can make us a better person. You need to not over analyse things, situations, comments. Brush them aside and keep you're head held high. Fuck them, fuck them all. Thats what i say.

You're life is just that, Yours, you have overall control, you guide what happens and how it happens.

Focus on the positives. Life is too short not to.

Former Member · March 2006

icey wrote:

I still keep sneezing!! :mad:

Bless you.

I have a sore throat

Getting over the past...

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