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tales of an idiot
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi. Figured this was the best place to put this owing to the subject matter. So anyway this is how it goes. I'm a male in my early twenties, who until a few months ago was a virgin. Unfortunately, although I wanted to shake the v plates, ended up losing them in Amsterdam having got rather drunk and being encouraged by my work mates (i was working there) to go to the red light district (not that they knew i was a virgin) after having got me a lap dance. It was my decision, I'm aware of that and I'm not blaming anyone. I also had no intention of this being the way to go about it, just under the circumstances it happened. However having got myself tested (so far ok) and I used protection, I still constantly torture myself over it. I feel like I'm some kind of terrible person, lesser in some ways to many for what happened. Sometimes I can think, "shit it happened, what can you do now?" and deal with it, but another time I will feel awful about it. I really don't know what to do. It happens every day and I can't stop myself deliberating it.
I don't really know what to expect from this, perhaps it's a bit like confession posting this anonymously, but I'm having real trouble dealing with my guilt. Any constructive comments are welcome. Thank you.
I don't really know what to expect from this, perhaps it's a bit like confession posting this anonymously, but I'm having real trouble dealing with my guilt. Any constructive comments are welcome. Thank you.
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Comments
Dont beat yourself up too much luv!
If that's the worst thing you ever do in your life you'll probably get nominated for sainthood.
:yes: i agree, well maybe not about the saint hood....
Besides, its in the past now
Ehhhh forget about it
kathryn, I accept your point, if that's the way you would feel then that is your right and I respect that. Perhaps you are right, maybe I did ignore what i would usually deem wrong in the situation, but I feel honestly that numerous factors such as the fact that i was forced into having a lapdance (literally hussled, and i didnt enjoy as such, but nonetheless aroused my lust) goading by my colleagues and enticement by the actual girls, not to mention the skinful of alcohol I had. They don't really excuse me I know, but they definately affected my judgement.
I don't however think it fair to propose that it would automatically make me at ease with lying or cheating on someone I care about. Look at the grief my actions have caused me, and I'm a single man without a gf to worry about. Perhaps my morals lapsed that night, but what is right and wrong in my mind can't collapse just because of that. I never went out that night to do what i did.
just look back on it as one of those things. i'm sure you had some fun.
I think it's a bit different if it was his very first time ... espacially if he's losing his V-plates older then most people
A guy's first time is a huge deal to him, he does have that extra worry that he won't get it up when the moment comes or that's he'll come in 2 seconds and I can understand a guy wanting to road test the equipment with a hooker to make sure it works, then with someone he really cares about and think that they'll be
I understand this but I dont see what he did as 'wrong' anyway.
No it isn't.
Speak for yourself eh :no:
Casual sex is easier to get now than it's ever been. Kicking your attitude would be a step towards realising that.
I think if someone couldnt accept that you made a mistake in your life that you regret then they simply arent worth worrying about. Im sure you can keep it to yourself and you dont need to inform any future partners of what happened. Youve got yourself checked out and your fine, its hardly as though your walking about with an STD.
So just relax man, sometimes things dont go to plan but you didnt do anything wrong. Casual sex with someone you dont know could be seen in the same way, youve learned from it and you will be a better person for that
I'm actually fairly indifferent on the subject. Casual sex is verboten and unheard of around here, unless, of course, you're made out of pure gold
In my honest opinion, any girl that is that fixated on one single mistake in someone's past isn't worth being with.