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Where do I come in her life?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm quite tired so I'll keep it short, and it's probably not worth rambling on...
Well lately I've been frustrated about the fact that my girlfriend seems to treat me a bit different, but very similar (weird I know, I'll explain) to her friends. She loves her friends, and tells them all the time (after every telephone conversation, when they meet, when they part etc). We've even been on a night out and she's told her male friends she loves them, now I know she doesn't LOVE them. Anyway, with her friends she's all bubbly, really nice and sweet, similar to what she was like when I first met her.
However, we fell in love, and have gotten used to each others company, yet when she tells me she loves me, it's just like she's speaking to her friends (and yet with less enthusiasm). I've let her know this but she's says it's different with her friends, fair enough, but it just sounds the same.
Anyway, we both have Myspace pages, I think I'm being pathetic here but what do you guys think...whenever she logs on to myspace she seems to visit all her friends and tell them she loves them in the comments, and how much she misses them etc etc....yet I feel a bit left out...I have nothing. It kinda hurts to see that she's taken time to let her friends know she thinks about them.
The thing that tipped me over the edge to post this was that she was supposed to spend Friday night at mine, but she told me the other day she was spending the night with her friend because her friend was on her own. I found that a bit weird, her friends is old enough, AND has a boyfriend. I asked her what she was doing and she just said sleeping over. Later on she finally tells me she's going out around the local town.
Now it appears she's going out around the city, and there's a few of them staying over at her friends, so her being lonely is bollocks. Also, they are going to a bar to meet up with one of her friends boyfriends, which I think is sweet. Howcome I'm not even invited?
Where do I come in my girlfriends life?
Well lately I've been frustrated about the fact that my girlfriend seems to treat me a bit different, but very similar (weird I know, I'll explain) to her friends. She loves her friends, and tells them all the time (after every telephone conversation, when they meet, when they part etc). We've even been on a night out and she's told her male friends she loves them, now I know she doesn't LOVE them. Anyway, with her friends she's all bubbly, really nice and sweet, similar to what she was like when I first met her.
However, we fell in love, and have gotten used to each others company, yet when she tells me she loves me, it's just like she's speaking to her friends (and yet with less enthusiasm). I've let her know this but she's says it's different with her friends, fair enough, but it just sounds the same.
Anyway, we both have Myspace pages, I think I'm being pathetic here but what do you guys think...whenever she logs on to myspace she seems to visit all her friends and tell them she loves them in the comments, and how much she misses them etc etc....yet I feel a bit left out...I have nothing. It kinda hurts to see that she's taken time to let her friends know she thinks about them.
The thing that tipped me over the edge to post this was that she was supposed to spend Friday night at mine, but she told me the other day she was spending the night with her friend because her friend was on her own. I found that a bit weird, her friends is old enough, AND has a boyfriend. I asked her what she was doing and she just said sleeping over. Later on she finally tells me she's going out around the local town.
Now it appears she's going out around the city, and there's a few of them staying over at her friends, so her being lonely is bollocks. Also, they are going to a bar to meet up with one of her friends boyfriends, which I think is sweet. Howcome I'm not even invited?
Where do I come in my girlfriends life?
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Comments
Sorry to say this, but she seems to be taking you for granted a bit here. I can say exactly because I don't know either of you, but if my girlfriend was acting like this I would take it as a big hint she wasn't interested anymore and either end things or tell her things have to change.
The trouble is that she is unlikely to admit you just aren't as important to her as her friends.
Her cancelling on you just to go out with her mates though is really bad. At the very least I would have a go at her for that.
Sorry mate, hope things turn out to be not so bad.
Being told off when my 'presence' is stopping other guys flirting with her (I mean WTF!!) and then dragged along to some dorky gig because she wants me to stand next to her and make her Ex jealous.
Some people do put friends above their romantic interests, it bugs me. There is no reason to treat you as she does, even if shes not that keen on you she should at least respect you. Loose her, seriously.
Fact.
Sorry to have to break that to you, but it seems obvious.
Have to agree with rainbow brite. You deserve better.
How long you been with her?
Maybe she feels secure in the knowlege that you both love each other, but feels she has to let her friends know that they are important to her as well, it might just be part of a banter. Like in irc i might well tell someone they are sexy but that doesn't mean i love my husband any less or want to run away with that person - its just a bit of an irc way of being nice as it were and possibly boosting someones ego at the same time. Similarly he sometimes flirts with the girls in his office in a jokey office type way but i don't get upset about it because i know he's chosen me. I do tell him i love him at least once a day though.
How often do you see each other?? If you spend every friday night togeather then maybe she shold be allowed a week off to go and see her friends....
Just been on one of her lesbian friends myspace, and she has a picture of MY girlfriend in her "HERO" section. My girl has written comment "love you!!" aswell. Also on my girls myspace page her friend has written "MARRY ME ". What the fuck?! It pisses me off more than anything.
I'm such a wuss, do you think?
If this is true then it's fine if both partners are ok with it. Personally I would not be happy if my girlfriend acted in this way and would end up leaving, it sounds like aerosexual feels similarly. So if this is the case, and she does care for you but acts like this because it's the way she is, then you need to talk to her and come to some sort of compromise or decide you're just not right for each other.
I don't think so.
Some people would be fine with the way she's behaving and would be the same themselves. Others would not.
Just because the way you think, and the way you expect a couple to behave is different to your girlfriend's doesn't mean it's wrong. If it means you end up going your separate ways then that may not be the worst thing. There are plenty of people out there who would share your views.
This girl is special. Maybe I'm just being selfish and asking for too much. She has a much bigger circle of friends than me so it must be harder for her to keep everyone happy.
The lesbian worries me though, she's really nice, but I think she really likes my girlfriend and my girlfriend is being a bit naive by acting friendly in return. Put me in this position, I have a gay friend, we tell each other we love each other (in a friendship type of way), we hang out together, see each other at school, go to gigs together...surely she'd ask what the hell is going on.
My question to girls...do you always tell your friends you love them, like after speaking on the phone.."I love you"? It's something a bit new to me. I have a sister, she never used to do it!
Is your mrs that way? If not, dont worry.
Btw, whats a fig? That lesbian wrote on my girls page saying "I'm going to play with my equipment...my guitar I mean, not my fig so don't get excited! xxxx"
if your girls not gay, then whats the prob. Youre starting to sound paranoid.
Tell me if I am being paranoid but there's been numerous times where we've been on a night out and she's gone to meet "XXX" in the gay village for a bit...like a few hours and left me with our friends.
I'm being a dick right?
You cant realistically ask her to change and only play with you. It sounds like its an intrinsic part of her personality. You dont want to dump her, you just want her to change who she is to suit you.
I wouldnt be that keen on my boyfriend nipping off to meet his gay friend in a gay club without me while we were supposed to be going out together, but it still doesnt mean shes going to cheat. It sounds like she isnt giving much thought to how it might look to you though. Cant you go with her?
Why am I thinking this shit? Why am I so bothered?
how old are you both anyway?
I think I should try and work on my own attributes and get used to her 'niceness' with her friends.
The problem with loving someone, is it can make you very insecure because you realise how completely vulnerable you are. She doesnt seem to be that bothered about soothing your insecurities at all though. Thats why i think shes probably not as into you as you are her.:(
1. Lies to you about where she goes and who she goes with.
2. Flies off the handle when you ask for an explanation of why she does that.
3. Excludes you from her circle of friends.
4. 1 - 3 above make you feel 'wussy', 'insecure' and unhappy.
It's time to initiate the launch sequence...