problem with my sex life - i cant keep up with him!!

Former Member · January 2006

hi all!
this problems been bugging me for ages now, and i really need advice for it!
Basically, my b.f lasts ages in bed!! i mean, we can actually be having penetrative sex for about 35mins solid before he cums! And my problem is, this hurts me! im always turned on enough, we do lots of foreplay, but after 15-20mins of constant friction it stings to fuck!!!
Any advice?? because ive tried oral+hand pleasure on him beforehand, but this very rarely makes him cum or even get close!!
its upsetting me so much, bcos i end up asking can we stop! by which time, even though he hasnt cum, i normally have bout 4 or 5 times! i feel greedy and bad for not satisfying him!
Help please! has anyone else ever had this issue, girls or guys??
thanx

Former Member · January 2006

i would do, but ive tried 2 types+they burnt to fuck!

Former Member · January 2006

have you tried water based lube?

Former Member · January 2006

Former Member · January 2006

mmm, il try vaseline! ballerina - it was durex's lube!

Former Member · January 2006

i don't think it's normal for you to be stinging though after having penetrative sex for more than 15mins..

Former Member · January 2006

well, its always fast and rough if that makes any difference

And he spends ages useing his fingers on me before hand.

Former Member · January 2006

I wouldn't say 35 is that long. I often go 45 minutes to an hour before I finish, and my girlfriend seems toi cope ok. I know everyone is different, but it might be worth looking into whether it is a problem you have.

In terms of making him finish quicker, I can only suggest what you have already done, spend ages giving him foreplay and use lubrication. Sorry! :rolleyes:

Former Member · January 2006

sugar_mouse wrote:

well, its always fast and rough if that makes any difference And he spends ages useing his fingers on me before hand.

Ask him to take it slow for a change. I find going slowley actually makes it happen faster for me, plus it will be a little easier on you!

Former Member · January 2006

i know what you mean, 20 mins of penetration is more than enough. have you tried ky jelly?

Former Member · January 2006

i get really sore after a while too, but its not as bad with lubricant. Its made a big difference. You probably just need to find one that suits you.
if its got to the point where its gone on for so long youre losing interest, then thats another story, but then again, youre less likely to lose interest if it isnt hurting you.

Former Member · January 2006

Former Member · January 2006

I would have to agree with red jelly , ask him if he can take it slowly for a change, even if he does not cum quicker it should be less harsh for you.

Former Member · January 2006

red jelly - good idea, but the trouble is that both of us, most of the time, like it hard+fast

what do you think the problem could be, bcos im panciking now!!! Do you think it could be an sti?

nicebutdim - no, we haven't tried KY, il buy some tonite from work!

rainbrow bright - to be honest, sometimes i do lose interest, as he lasts so long and often all i can focus on is the pain!

Former Member · January 2006

i personally don't think the problem is an sti, i think it's coz it gets painful if he lasts too long. see if the ky helps.

Former Member · January 2006

sugar_mouse wrote:

red jelly - good idea, but the trouble is that both of us, most of the time, like it hard+fast what do you think the problem could be, bcos im panciking now!!! Do you think it could be an sti?

nicebutdim - no, we haven't tried KY, il buy some tonite from work!

rainbrow bright - to be honest, sometimes i do lose interest, as he lasts so long and often all i can focus on is the pain!

I know exactly what you mean

sometimes at first I even like the fact that it hurts, but then sometimes it gets too much and I pay for it later.
I actually wondered if I had an STI too because ive never had this problem in the past, but then again, ive never been with someone as big either nor had sex quite as much. As I said, Lubricant has really helped because sometimes what your body can produce just isnt enough, even if you are really aroused.
http://www.mypleasure.com/store/shoppingguide/lube.asp?cat=guideindex

Former Member · January 2006

if its hurting that much, go to the doctors/sexual health clinic. not that i'm trying to say you've got anything! but if it's so painful then it might be worth going to get yourself checked out.

Former Member · January 2006

maybe you need to give your vagina a rest from penetrative sex for a bit! because if you're having sex frequently and it stings.. you could just be aggravating an existing problem/irritation.

Former Member · January 2006

to be honest, we dont have sex that often. its about twice a week! And, ive had partners in the past that were the same size than my current bf, but didnt have this problem with them!!!
god, im panicking now!!! what sti could cause this?

Former Member · January 2006

sugar_mouse wrote:

red jelly - good idea, but the trouble is that both of us, most of the time, like it hard+fast what do you think the problem could be, bcos im panciking now!!! Do you think it could be an sti?

I doubt it, I was thinking more along the lines of enjoyment, maybe you would prefer something else but aren't doing it (I mean position, location, times etc.) Or something else is on your mind and distracting you, work, stress etc. Or it could just be that you don't like sex for that long.

My girlfriend sometimes gets a bit dry after a while, but she loves penetration that lasts for ages, it's usually something else that causes it, like she has a lot on her mind, is tired or something like that.

Former Member · January 2006

mmmm, im not sure, maybe there could be other things on my mind! Im gonna try the ky jelly next time and il try giving him more foreplay beforehand!!
i always worry its my fault he lasts long - that im not pleasuring him. but he's reassured me that he's always been like this.

Former Member · January 2006

sugar_mouse wrote:

i always worry its my fault he lasts long - that im not pleasuring him. but he's reassured me that he's always been like this.

I get really paranoid about that too.

Former Member · January 2006

Former Member · January 2006

scarlet leeds - thank u for your words of comfort. he knows i worry about it, so it may put him off!!

Former Member · January 2006

Former Member · January 2006

Do you use condoms? I used to have this problem big time. I loved having sex but it gurt after around 10 mins. I didnt have that problem when I first started having sex, it just kinda grew. I'm allergic to latex so switched to using non latex ones (or not using them at all but only with long term bf's) and I've been fine ever since.

Former Member · January 2006

we dont no, bcos im on the pill and we're both clean of sti's - well, we were wen we had a check 2 years ago

Former Member · January 2006

It's not your fault that he takes a long time to come, it just takes some men a long time to do it. It's not even something about how tense or nervous he is- he very probably isn't- some men just last longer than others. That's life. Just as some men come after four seconds, some of us come after 30-40 minutes.

If it's a problem for him, then stop him from masturbating, if he does it. It should help him come quicker.

Sex shouldn't be stinging, not after half an hour. Try using a bit more lube, and get your boyfriend to slow down a bit, to give you a rest during sex. Don't just stay in one position, either, so that his penis doesn't keep rubbing against the same part of your insides. If that doesn't work I'd suggest seeing a doctor about it, just to put your mind at ease. You could well have caused a slight rub or nick in your vaginal walls, which gets aggravated when you have hard and rough sex.

Former Member · January 2006

If he isn't able to orgasm, there's one or two possible explanations. What medication is he on? If he's on anti-depressants, for example, that can hold back orgasms. I'm on medication to deal with schizophrenia, for instance, and one rather difficult side effect is I can barely ever have an orgasm. Other medication can almost certainly contribute to these problems.

What about lifestyle? Stress and the like doesn't help matters.

Former Member · January 2006

Former Member · January 2006

I agree with a previous poster he may well be in an antidepressant or other psychotrpoic medication and may not want to tell you this

problem with my sex life - i cant keep up with him!!

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