Signs

Former Member · January 2006

Need a little help please!

Went out with someone tonight, he invited me out to see a film. I wanted to see the film and i like him as a friend so i said yes. I havent known him long and we had never been out alone before without our other friends, he walked me home new years eve at 3am though.

Anyway tonight we ended up going for a meal first then to the film, then to finish off snacks on a nice look out point, and then to the beach for a walk in the dark.

I really did enjoy myself, we chatted lots and we get on well but i dont want a relationship and i dont want to give out the impression that i do. I didnt flirt with him (that i know of...)

When I was cold at the beach he gave me a jacket+scarf and a small hug, and when we stopped to talk he kinda kept edging towards me. Then back in the car i was talking about my shoulders aching and he rubbed them and he also rubbed my hands as they were cold.

Am i giving out the wrong impression by going out with him? I probably sound really stupid but im not sure whether to look more into it or not, im not very good at reading the signs.....

Former Member · January 2006

from reading that i'd say he likes you. you might or might not be giving off wrong signals, so the best way would be to talk to him about how you feel.

But then saying that i have a lot of female friends and that the sort of thing i do too. Giving them my jacket if cold, opening doors for them, back, neck and shoulder massages, going to watch films, clothes shopping etc... but then i also do all that stuff to the ones i like. guess theres not many of us gents left, or romantics either for that matter. the women at my work or EX's work were always surpised when i brougth her flowers, took her out or cooked a romantic dinner etc... said none of there bf/husbands did any of that stuff.

Former Member · January 2006

communication is the key!

just tell him you see him as a friend and nothing more... that way he knows where he stands...

Former Member · January 2006

he wants your body, he thinks you're sexy...

Former Member · January 2006

If you tell a bloke yer shoulders are "aching" if he likes you of course he's gonna rub em. If you don't want a relationship then tell him coz its obvious he likes you, and by you accepting his coat/letting him rub you then you're sending out the sign that you like him too.

Oh, and I've plenty of male friends but there's no way in hell I'd let them do that stuff for me. Too flirty for my liking.

Former Member · January 2006

Its a little rude to say no though dont you think? And it would create a bad atmosphere if i was to say "can you stop doing that please" And it could potentially make me look really stupid and up my own arse for assuming that he likes me more than a friend. Im still not convinced that he does.

I'll see how it goes tonight as we're going out in a big group. If he doesnt act the same as he did last night then would it be safe to assume that he probably likes me more than a friend?

Former Member · January 2006

It doesnt have to be rude if it makes you uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like you really know what you want from him.

He likes you. If you string him along, giving the impression at the end of all this toil you're gonna be something more than just a mate and you only like him "as a friend" then he'll be angry and embaressed and you'll feel guilty.

Former Member · January 2006

scytherchick wrote:

It doesnt have to be rude if it makes you uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like you really know what you want from him.

He likes you. If you string him along, giving the impression at the end of all this toil you're gonna be something more than just a mate and you only like him "as a friend" then he'll be angry and embaressed and you'll feel guilty.

Maybe i havent explained myself very well. It doesnt make me uncomfortable at all, so long as he is just doing it in a friendly way, as thats the sort of thing that friends do.

However i dont know what his intentions are, yet i dont want to jump the gun by asking him, potentially finding out that he only see's me as a friend anyway and then making us both feel uncomfortable around eachother. I dont want that to happen because we get on so well and are really relaxed in each-others company. We get on really well as friends.

Basically im crap at reading into signals/body language and i never know when someone is interested in me unless they hold a sign up with the words blatantly written on it. One of my friends mentioned that he was touchy feely and then joked around saying we make a good couple but she says that alot about everyone anyway so i didnt really take much notice, but it did make me think.

But yes, you lot seem to think that maybe he is interested.

Former Member · January 2006

scytherchick wrote:

If you tell a bloke yer shoulders are "aching" if he likes you of course he's gonna rub em. If you don't want a relationship then tell him coz its obvious he likes you, and by you accepting his coat/letting him rub you then you're sending out the sign that you like him too.

Oh, and I've plenty of male friends but there's no way in hell I'd let them do that stuff for me. Too flirty for my liking.

i disagree with you on that one. i do that all the time for my female friends, doesn't have to be flirty just because your rubbing their shoulders or offering them your coat/jacket. I'd love it if i got a shoulder massage every now and then but i don't mainly because most of my friends aren't any good at it. but yes you shoudl talk to him

Former Member · January 2006

Massaging someone is an intimate act. It is something mostly enjoyed by couples and people who are flirting. Yea, friends can do it too, but in my experience it's girls who do it to someone else. Guys don't massage other guys in general, but they will bring themselves to do it to a girl if they like her. In a "i want your sexeh body" sort of way.

You never watched Pulp Fiction?

Former Member · January 2006

scytherchick wrote:

You never watched Pulp Fiction?

Haha, quite.

Personally I'd never remark that my shoulders were aching to a bloke whom I suspected had more than "just friend"ly feelings for me (unless I was interested!). I'm not saying you're leading him on, but it's so easily misinterpreted that it's just not worth getting into that kind of (imo) intimate situation where wires can get crossed etc.

It definitely sounds as though he's interested in more than friendship, going out to the cinema isn't an issue because everyone does that with their mates. Look out points and strolls on the beach seem pretty romantic to me, whether they actual are in reality is a different story (could be full of smackheads and dog shit, for all I know!). See how things go tonight, different situations (and group dynamics) bring out different sides of people...how he behaves tonight will more than likely provide a bit more clarity for you.

Former Member · January 2006

briggi wrote:

Haha, quite.

Personally I'd never remark that my shoulders were aching to a bloke whom I suspected had more than "just friend"ly feelings for me (unless I was interested!). I'm not saying you're leading him on, but it's so easily misinterpreted that it's just not worth getting into that kind of (imo) intimate situation where wires can get crossed etc.

Dam, so i managed to lead him on without even realising it! I just have no idea do i :no: I never realised things like that can be mis-interpretated. I better watch what i say from now on

briggi wrote:

It definitely sounds as though he's interested in more than friendship, going out to the cinema isn't an issue because everyone does that with their mates. Look out points and strolls on the beach seem pretty romantic to me, whether they actual are in reality is a different story (could be full of smackheads and dog shit, for all I know!). See how things go tonight, different situations (and group dynamics) bring out different sides of people...how he behaves tonight will more than likely provide a bit more clarity for you.

Yeh this is what im hoping, i'll give an update on what happens tonight! I'll probably end up confused again!

I wish things were more simple, like i wish people would just say if they are interested. Like this other friend i have, he was/is interested in me but he blatantly came out with it, was up front about it and it was good because i was able to say i dont feel the same way about him and now we are fine as friends!

Ah, anyway thanks for everyones opinions so far

Former Member · January 2006

scytherchick wrote:

Massaging someone is an intimate act. It is something mostly enjoyed by couples and people who are flirting. Yea, friends can do it too, but in my experience it's girls who do it to someone else. Guys don't massage other guys in general, but they will bring themselves to do it to a girl if they like her. In a "i want your sexeh body" sort of way.

You never watched Pulp Fiction?

Yes a massage "Can" be a intimate act, but it doesn't have to be. The female friends i've give massages to have not been because i want to have sex with them. I have give a couple of my male friends ones but only as a joke (you had to be there to understand it) or to show them how to do did as their partners wanted one. But yes on the whole it is a couple thing but doesn't mean that friends cant. Waiting for my friend to get back from a year in Oz, she gives great shoulder, neck, head massages.
And yes i've watched Pulp Fiction, who hasn't

Former Member · January 2006

Youngbull wrote:

And yes i've watched Pulp Fiction, who hasn't

:rolleyes:

So when you were married, you gave massages to female friends?

Former Member · January 2006

only a 2 friends, but yes. wife didn't have a problem with it, as she knew that it didn't mean anything in that way. plus the massages i gave her were abit different

Former Member · January 2006

Hmm well here's the update, i still dont know how he feels

At the pub last night he acted the same as he did the other day, he did act differently towards the others than he did to me, but we both got quite drunk and stayed out later than everyone else but he didnt try anything on, all he did was have his arm round me, so to be honest i wouldnt exactly call that flirting. Although he was quite touchy feely. Yet he doesnt actually say anything flirty.

Question for the men; do you act like this around female friends that you only like as a friend?

Former Member · January 2006

I think you're trying to convince yourself that the obvious isn't true, tbh...

Former Member · January 2006

Franki wrote:

I think you're trying to convince yourself that the obvious isn't true, tbh...

But its not obvious, wish it was, cos then i could act accordingly

Former Member · January 2006

Blah wrote:

But its not obvious, wish it was, cos then i could act accordingly

It is to me though.

He clearly likes you. My friends don't put their arm around me when they're talking to me, apart from Lewin, but he's my best friend, and Terry, who's just odd.

Former Member · January 2006

Blah wrote:

But its not obvious, wish it was, cos then i could act accordingly

What is acting accordingly though? I'm confused, are you actually interested in him, as more than a friend? It kind of sounds that way even to me (though I think you said the opposite, right?), to be honest...so I'm not surprised he's as bamboozled as he's sounding.

I can't say he definitely likes you in that way, because I haven't seen it with my own eyes/don't know either of you. But it seems that way to me, from all you've told us - he's interested (if that's a good thing...?).

Former Member · January 2006

briggi wrote:

What is acting accordingly though? I'm confused, are you actually interested in him, as more than a friend? It kind of sounds that way even to me (though I think you said the opposite, right?), to be honest...so I'm not surprised he's as bamboozled as he's sounding.

I can't say he definitely likes you in that way, because I haven't seen it with my own eyes/don't know either of you. But it seems that way to me, from all you've told us - he's interested (if that's a good thing...?).

I only like him as a friend. Its not a problem if he likes me more than that, i just need to make my feelings clear, but i dont want to have to say anything if im not sure or i'll feel stupid

Former Member · January 2006

Do you definitely not like him as anything more than a friend, or are you just scared of being in a relationship with him? You do seem to be giving off signals that you do like him more than just friends, much as you say you don't. You even say you're not sure.

Just see how it goes, take it slowly. Don't tell him that you don't like him like that unless you are sure, but you do need to tell him something. Dampen his fire a bit, as I think that you are leading him on a bit. He does sound to be totally into you, but isn't taking it too quickly, you just need to calm him down a bit so that he isn't gutted. Perhaps don't let him touch you, or don't go for walks along the beach. Next time you meet him, meet him somewhere socially, not for a meal or anything.

If you're kind he will probably still like you as a mate.

He is definitely into you. I do hold and grab girls I aren't into, but that's because I have a wife and obviously aren't into them. Single boys don't grab you, hold you, and take you out for meals if they aren't into you in a big way. He's into you in a big way.

Former Member · January 2006

As others have said, from an outsider looking in, it's obvious that he would like to see you as more than a friend and has feelings for you.

If you're heart isn't in it, do the honourable thing and let the guy know. However, spend a bit more time with him and you might realise you really like him! Viscious circle unfortunatley!

Former Member · January 2006

Kermit wrote:

Do you definitely not like him as anything more than a friend, or are you just scared of being in a relationship with him? You do seem to be giving off signals that you do like him more than just friends, much as you say you don't. You even say you're not sure.

Just see how it goes, take it slowly. Don't tell him that you don't like him like that unless you are sure, but you do need to tell him something. Dampen his fire a bit, as I think that you are leading him on a bit. He does sound to be totally into you, but isn't taking it too quickly, you just need to calm him down a bit so that he isn't gutted. Perhaps don't let him touch you, or don't go for walks along the beach. Next time you meet him, meet him somewhere socially, not for a meal or anything.

If you're kind he will probably still like you as a mate.

He is definitely into you. I do hold and grab girls I aren't into, but that's because I have a wife and obviously aren't into them. Single boys don't grab you, hold you, and take you out for meals if they aren't into you in a big way. He's into you in a big way.

Yet again you have hit the nail on the head. I dont think i like him any more than a friend but i do really like him and he has the sorts of qualities i would look for in a boyfriend, if i wanted a boyfriend
....but i dont want a boyfriend at the moment. Ive just come out of a 3 year relationship and i want to be on my own for a few months. Want to sort my head out which at the moment is pretty screwed up, and just have loads of fun with my friends

I agree about meeting him on my own, its a better idea to only see him when we're in our group of friends, that way it cant be considered a "date"

Former Member · January 2006

If you like him, and see him as a potential boyfriend, then certainly don't burn any bridges. Take it slowly, see how it goes, just because you've come out of a relationship doesn't mean that you can't have a new boyfriend quite quickly afterwards. Not everyone needs years to get over it.

But yeah, make sure he knows you do like him, you just don't want to rush into anything. Keep him as a mate, and see where it goes from there. He sounds like he's really digging you, I wouldn't boot him away without making sure you're certain.

Former Member · January 2006

Yeah, you say you don't want a boyfriend right now but maybe that's just the theory 'cause it sounds a sensible thing to do given the moment you're in and everything. But in practice maybe you have started to develop feelings for this bloke but are reticent to acknowledge them to yourself 'cause that's not what you planned for right now... but then, how often does life turn out the way we plan it?

I agree, take things slowly but don't burn any bridges... and try to be honest with yourself about your feelings, wether you decide to act upon them or not. There's nothing worse than fooling oneself about how we feel imo...

Former Member · January 2006

MzInnocent wrote:

communication is the key!

just tell him you see him as a friend and nothing more... that way he knows where he stands...

shes tottaly right!!

Former Member · January 2006

Blah wrote:

Hmm well here's the update, i still dont know how he feels

At the pub last night he acted the same as he did the other day, he did act differently towards the others than he did to me, but we both got quite drunk and stayed out later than everyone else but he didnt try anything on, all he did was have his arm round me, so to be honest i wouldnt exactly call that flirting. Although he was quite touchy feely. Yet he doesnt actually say anything flirty.

Question for the men; do you act like this around female friends that you only like as a friend?

I'm sorry if i'm bringing up an old thread (it's not that old) but i'll do it anyway...
I do all the things that guy does to a girl i'm in love with... and i guess she also wonders if i like her or not.
I think he does all of that because he can't help it, it's a little subconscious...
I don't want you to feel bad about it, but he will be disappointed if you tell him you don't feel the same way towards him. BUT...
That will save him a lot of heartache. I wish my crush told me straight away that she wasn't into me... I'd feel a little heartbroken and it would all pass in a few weeks tops. Whatever you do, please don't lead him to think he has some chances if that's not how you feel about him.

I'm telling you all this because i've been playing the role of that guy for more than a year now (until recently, when se finally had to be honest with me). So just be honest, and he should be thankful for it in the long run.
Don't make him suffer. :impissed:

Former Member · January 2006

I dont think i like him any more than a friend but i do really like him and he has the sorts of qualities i would look for in a boyfriend, if i wanted a boyfriend

Allright, i think i'll cry, lol... that's exactly what my crush told me when we had a serious conversation... what keeps you from liking him (i'm interested in that because i want to know what i've been doing wrong in my situation). If a guy has all the qualities you're looking for, and you see him try hard to make you feel comfortable, who conforms to your needs, then what exactly is the thing? Might it be that girls don't want guys who try hard?

Former Member · January 2006

nmrmak wrote:

Allright, i think i'll cry, lol... that's exactly what my crush told me when we had a serious conversation... what keeps you from liking him (i'm interested in that because i want to know what i've been doing wrong in my situation). If a guy has all the qualities you're looking for, and you see him try hard to make you feel comfortable, who conforms to your needs, then what exactly is the thing? Might it be that girls don't want guys who try hard?

for me, the reason i dont want him as a boyfriend, is because i dont want a boyfriend at the moment. People might find that a little wierd but i am really enjoying being single again after coming out of a long relationship. I want time for myself, to do what I want to do.

As for what you said in the previous post, I think its a little extreme to conect your circumstances with mine. You dont know that this guy likes me more than a friend. He might give off body language that says he does but it doesnt necessarily mean that

I think, that unless he comes out with it and tells me that he likes me more than a friend, then im going to carry on as i am. Because he cant expect me to be a mindreader. Im not leading him on by doing things with him, because i do things with my other friends all the time too.

Former Member · January 2006

Yeah, sorry for being a bit over-emotional, but i'm not really stable at the moment, so my posts are very biased.
If he does like you then it would really be unfair to lead him on. From your point of view, though, you are right in a way, because you have no way to be sure if he's into you or just being extra caring for a friend unless he tells you.
Your post reminded me a bit of that girl, because what she said was almost identical... She said something like You're a great guy, the kind i'd like to have for a husband, caring, gentle, blah blah (i was on an adrenaline rush, i don't remember it all) but... i don't like you as more than a friend.
Sometimes, i wish she was a mind reader and that she could have told me all this 2 years ago when i started liking her (it was my fault for telling her just a week ago and i'm fully aware of that).
Again, i apologise for being biased, but i can't help it right now... no hard feelings?

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