Signs

Former Member

nmrmak wrote:

Allright, i think i'll cry, lol... that's exactly what my crush told me when we had a serious conversation... what keeps you from liking him (i'm interested in that because i want to know what i've been doing wrong in my situation). If a guy has all the qualities you're looking for, and you see him try hard to make you feel comfortable, who conforms to your needs, then what exactly is the thing? Might it be that girls don't want guys who try hard?

My friend got his girlfriend (really nice, pretty girl) after she split up with her previous boyfriend. He told me that she said she wasn't wanting a relationship at the moment, but that he stuck at it, and kept asking her out (don't know exactly how he did it, but he's one of those people who, once he's put his mind to something, he wont quit). He managed to get her.

The fact is that people who you don't really connect with come around that often (and nice girls seem to get new boyfriends fairly quickly, in my experience), so you can't really afford to wait for the right amount of time before you let them know you like them. I imagine that if you keep flirting with them, making suggestive (but fun, not disgusting) jokes, when they are ready for a relationship, they may go out with you. If you leave it until you think they might be ready for a relationship, then they'll probably not even look at you as boyfriend material, and end up with someone else. Of course this will only work if you're quite sure that she likes you in "that way." Because of course people will use "I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment" when they mean "I'm not looking for a relationship with you at the moment." But I think that most people who genuinely care about you will be upfront if they don't feel that way about you. I tend to get that response after I've actually been out with people, rather than beforehand (it's just nicer than, e had nothing in common and I thought you were a bit of a twat ).

But take everything I've said with a pinch of salt, since my experience with the ladies can be written on the back of a postage stamp (albiet one of the slightly bigger, special-edition Christmas ones).

Blah, d'you reckon if this guy carried on as he is, maybe flirted a bit more, you'd be interested in a few months when you do want a relationship? I guess that's kind of hard to answer right now.

On the main post, yes I do think you're leading him on. I remember watching a show about body language, which said that girls naturally flirt with guys when they talk to them even if they don't find them attractive. What chance does that give us. I don't think there's that many 'touchy feely' guys out there, unless they fancy you. I only have that sort of contact with my closest female friends, and only usually when I'm drunk.

You don't really want to start avoiding him or acting wierd around him to put him off though, because when girls have done that to me (I don't really have as much rejection as this post suggests, honest) it's just made me want them more, and it's made it harder to be around them. You could try subtler methods (I can't believe I'm suggesting this, because I prefer a straight, I'm not interested, but I could see how that could be embarrassing if you've misread him). The best "I'm not interested" I've had was when a female friend of mine agreed to go to the cinema with me just the two of us (our first date, if you will) and said "but I'm meeting some friends afterwards to go out, so I'll be dressed up." She might as well have added "it's not for your benefit, so don't get any ideas."