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how to pull an older work colleage

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to hear it didn't go well. We're all hear if you want to talk about it. nobody is gonna laugh at you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't quit, I was sacked. I was temp, they ended my contact, which they can legally do with no notice. They noted I'd recieve discilinary procedures if I was a permanent employee, I noted to myself if I was a permanent employee I'd get an appeal procdure.

    well thanks for those that said I can talk on here but since my name thinks I've overdramatized it all I best not bother, least I be accused of something else.

    on a techical note, it was an email for personal use on the compnay email system, 1 I might add but in reality it was what people said about me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I'm really sad you got the sack... But I think the best you can do is try to learn from this experience. Working-wise, what you can and cannot do, what is/isn't best to do. And that's just that.
    But in terms of your love life, there's even more to learn I think. First, that you worked up the guts to talk to her, introduce yourself and everything. From the sound of it, you were really scared at first, but you manged to pull it off quite nicely. So take a note of that. You are able to do this sort of thing. It didn't work now which is a shame but it might work in the future.
    And don't quit being nice, no matter what people said about you! Being nice is always a good thing. Overdoing it might not be the best but I'm sure that if you're just yourself you won't. From what I've read on your posts you're a really decent and sweet guy, maybe if you don't focus so much on trying to please (which sometimes scares people off), your natural niceness and decency will show through and I think that's the most attractive thing of all.

    Good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but the stuff the people form my team said aswell. I mean job and uni magazines say when u get a job to newtwork, talk to people an dthats how u get jobs. Now I wasnt making out like I was using people or owt but I was netwroking and trying to build up a social aide type of thing but apperently u r not allowed so what do you do?

    I really give up. and I have no recourse as a temp either. I wa strying to be myself. When I got there I was sooo quiet , it was mentioned even, so I talk more and be more friendly and this is what I get??

    I mean one women that goes a bit over the top I get, the technical detail about the emil, even tho everone does it ok, but then 2 random compalints when I promise you they have nothing to complain over is just malicous so whats the point?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand that you're pissed at the moment which is understandable given the injustice of the situation. Well, what can I say? This isn't a fair world we live in, there are malicious people around, which is why you have to be careful in this world. That's what I meant with the "learning from the experience" thing. But the thing is, you can turn extra careful and defensive and even hostile, as many people have turned imo in order to defend themselves, or you can choose to make an effort and continue to be yourself (ie: decent, nice and sweet), even though you run the risk of getting hurt.

    I know this sucks, but it's what I've learned from my own experience. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my youth I went to medical school. I had an image in my mind that I would be entering a profession full of lovely caring people. Very quickly I realised that wasn't the case. Yes, there were some fantastic students that I studied with (and some wonderful doctors too). However, there was also an abundance of not very nice people, who would screw you over to advance themselves. That was one of the reasons why I ended up leaving the profession.

    I now work in an office in the Square Mile (in London) for a very large financial institution. In my time there I have worked with some of the nastiest people I've ever known, and experienced all sorts of office politics. At the same time I've also met some wonderful people. If anything it is a slightly nicer environment than I experienced at medical school - however when I entered this environment I knew what I was getting myself into.

    As I said early on in this thread, you have to be very careful about everything you do in an office. It is a very closed environment. There are lots of different personalities, and all sorts of agendas. People will often mis-interpret your actions, sometimes consciously.

    A large office is different to a small office, and a large team is different to a small team. People can also feel threatened when younger ambitious and motivated people come into a department.

    Do any of the reasons for you leaving bear a direct relation to your interations with the woman you were interested in, or is it just about how you were in general? Also, what do you mean my not being allowed to build up a social side of things? That seems very odd.. Is it that they felt you were spending time trying to get to know the people you worked with rather than working? I know that there is sometimes an attitude whereby "The Temp" is supposed to come in, not talk to anyone, do the work they are there to do, and then go home. I've not seen it often, but it does happen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:

    but since my name thinks I've overdramatized it all I best not bother,

    .


    Needless to say I will never ever even look at anyone in an office I work in again. I am not gonna be friends, I am not gona try and be friedns, I am not going to fancy anyone.

    I will also not care again about anyone for a good while because it doesn't do you any good

    I will say this whole thing has made me physically sick, depressed, upset and angry.

    I am a little less human then what I was.

    I was nice and I now I have a slur on my character for it. The end.

    Oh, yes, no overdramatization at all. Yes, maybe you need some bullshit typical oh it will be alright comments, but at the same time you need to realize its not the end of the world. Your life is not over. Get up and move on. Doing that and not taking everything so seriously is what is going to get you thru it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a bit hard to know what to say without knowing what you said to her.

    Not that a reason is really needed to end a temp contract.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, provided you have other good references from past employers, you can just move on to a new job with another agency.

    I don't think that flirting with work colleagues is a good idea really, especially if you are a guy, it's just too risky. If anything you do/say is misinterpreted and someone is made to feel uncomfortable (not saying this is what happened with you) then things can turn sour pretty quickly. Since food in your mouth and a roof over your head is more important than any date it's wise to keep your professional and personal lives apart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    carrot12 wrote:
    I don't think that flirting with work colleagues is a good idea really, especially if you are a guy, it's just too risky....... it's wise to keep your professional and personal lives apart.

    While i agree with you it can be risky, i believe that a large portion of relationships start within the workplace, as that is where you meet more people, unless your a real party animal and dont have problems chatting someone up i a bar or club. so to say keep professional and personal lives apart isn't always the answer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe I have taken it hard, but I did write that on the day after it hapend and I was still very raw over it. I am better now but every time I think about it, it gets me so forgive me.

    I know its not the end of the world but its not the first injustice to happen to me and when they build up it tends to get you a fair bit and you think "whats the point".

    I'm not sure what I'm doing about references as the refernce for before this job has disappeared.

    I did fancy this woman yes but the email was in no way an indication of that, nor did I suggest anything sexual or suggestive. not even an inuendo. Nothing even close. She didn't have to say anything. I didn't say anything when people in my team made me feel uncomfortable when they demanded I put on my accent and did take offs of my countires accent, which they would never do to anyone else but they did it to me. i get my mouth shut, used discreation, guessed they didn't know any better. I didn't do anything to this woman but by nice, and I mean nice. Nothing even close to haressment or anything like that. She didn't complain when she and her team got some free chocolates either. And this just sudden ending, when my work has been excellent and i just thought I was fitting in. Its a real kick in the bollocks.

    now I think about it even more I get madder coz the night in question, one of the big bosses had his hands over her and was chatting her up, t aking a bit of advantage when she was pissed, but nothings said to him. She doesn't complain about him. Least I never touched her when she was pissed up and incapable, unlike him.

    On a side note,I have read countless surveys and studies that said over half the people out there meet their partners at work so if you can't flirt a little or even consider someone at yuor work place a potenial persont o get to know and maybe more with, thats a big chunk of your chances gone. I'm just saying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suspect the statistic is more that a large number of people meet their partners *through* work - e.g. by sharing a professional interest, at an industry function, meeting someone who is the friend of a colleague - that sort of thing, rather than at the office/factory/site/whatever they work at.

    As you found out, when one woman in the office became unsettled by your behaviour towards her (not that I am suggesting there was anything wrong with it) then others in the office were no longer happy to work with you. Faced with this, it was a no-brainer for the management to get rid of a temp.

    Just concentrate on the kind of opportunities I wrote about above rather than pursuing your direct colleagues as potential girlfriends and you should be able to avoid a repeat of this situation in the future.

    Best of luck.
    Walkindude wrote:
    On a side note,I have read countless surveys and studies that said over half the people out there meet their partners at work so if you can't flirt a little or even consider someone at yuor work place a potenial persont o get to know and maybe more with, thats a big chunk of your chances gone. I'm just saying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    Maybe you should consider some emotional and phsychological help.

    The same thing was said to Walkindude some months ago when he was posting on the Leeds University Message boards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reminds me of some porno i watched on channel 5 last month.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oooh cheer up Walkindude, life's not so bad after all! Look, you have an internet stalker! What fun!

    (just joking!)
    Lawyer wrote:
    The same thing was said to Walkindude some months ago when he was posting on the Leeds University Message boards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what the fuck?? jesus christ, one of those crackpots has followed me. Oh and nothing like what happend here happened on that message board.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wow, i don't mean to be stalkerish but you shouldn't used the same username for everything on the net. i just googled your name and now i know your full name and what you look like :crazyeyes

    also, are you friends with subject13 then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    what the fuck?? jesus christ, one of those crackpots has followed me. Oh and nothing like what happend here happened on that message board.


    I wouldn't take it too seriously. Check out the member Karma Chameloean or soemthing, he posted nearly the same comment to somebody else from a Leeds thing. Its probably the same no lifer who stalks on the internet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Karma?? its Karma Chamelon?? God that fucker. He was one of the bastards on the message boards that hounded me off it. Accused me of all sorts, made a bain of my time on the message board.

    lipsy- I deleted loads of details lately, which one has my full name?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'll pm you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Walkindude wrote:
    Karma?? its Karma Chamelon?? God that fucker. He was one of the bastards on the message boards that hounded me off it. Accused me of all sorts, made a bain of my time on the message board.

    lipsy- I deleted loads of details lately, which one has my full name?

    He posted this to somebody else
    God Subject13, you really are a total Saddo....Guys he was posting the same nonsense on the Leeds University forums some months ago. People give you advice, just take it and act upon it, instead of thinking the world owes you everything and everyone is out to get you.

    It did seem a bit rehersed to be somebody different.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ugh, he ana couple of others gave me hassl eon another message board. Ended with me leaving the baord and the baord being shut down completely. I'd advise any mods who read this ot ban him, form my experience he is a racist, sexist and sick in the head. No exaggeration.
  • ClaireBearClaireBear She cares Posts: 467 Boards Initiate
    Walkindude wrote:
    ugh, he ana couple of others gave me hassl eon another message board. Ended with me leaving the baord and the baord being shut down completely. I'd advise any mods who read this ot ban him, form my experience he is a racist, sexist and sick in the head. No exaggeration.

    Hiya,
    If another user has broken the rules of these boards then please do tell one of us mods and we'll look into it. Obviously, we can't do anything about something that's happened on another board. But if a user harasses any user on this site we will take it seriously.
    CB
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks clairebear, oh and I have just seen your avatar. Jay and Silent Bob are the bomb!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    doesnt matter if you delete and chnage stuff, google has this nasty habit of storing stuff that no longer exists in its origional site
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a bugger.
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