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Self-hate

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm u hate it?? u do sound badly depressed to be honest, making me depressed listening to u(no offense)...
    I listen to metal n hip-hop a lot which isnt to happy but still better than the droning depressin stuff...
    go running to happy hardcore make ya happy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You say that you hate sports. Do you really hate it, or does it just have unpleasant associations for you? Like scenes of childhood bullying.

    Do you really hate sport, or does it just bring back memories of soemthing that you weren't much good at.

    I used to be crap at sport, and really hated it. Then I found some sports I really like. I've never played any of the sports I was made to do since, but the sports I did at my own pace I've become quite good at.

    The long term key to beating depression and self hate doesn't come from wearing different clothes or listening to happy music.

    It comes from self acceptance, and learning to live with yourself. Try keeping a diary, that can be a real help. Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey people. I've already said, I hate that music. I simply just find it irritating. Just because I listen to music that may make you depressed, it doesn't say that it is the root of everything that makes me depressed! I just prefer the way it sounds to that Happy Hardcore stuff. I naturally like metal/rock or whatever.
    And as for sports. I just hate it. I'm lazy. I don't like to do stuff like that. Hello, I am still a teenager, I think I have a right to be lazy. I can't be arsed to excersise and listen to music that makes me wanna bash my head off the wall.

    Mmmmkay???

    "I'm not here.
    This isn't happening..."



    [This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 22-10-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, sure. I've never tried to tell you what sort of music to listen to. OMG, isn't this turning into a popular thread...

    Do whatever you want. We're just giving you suggestions, some sensible, others not quite so sensible. Just trying to help, honest!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dunno for sure but I think musics got a lot too do with ur moods... Either it causes the mood or u like the music cos thats the mood ur in...
    Ther's certain rock/metal bands that r happy or violent which is even better... so u dont have to be restrivcted to dark moany depressive stuff...


    As u say ur a teenager n lazy... so once again I still think it is teenage depression or depression via being teenage..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You shouldn't underestimate the power of music. It can stimulate your senses and also touch raw nerves.

    I was listening to some 50s mp3s that I downloaded the other day and I spent the whole day and night spontaneously bursting into tears because of certain tracks that reminded me of how much I loved my Dad when I was a little girl.

    OK, dance music annoys you so this is not a great choice for you. Maybe you should find some other type of music that is not as depressing as the stuff you listen to all the time. Be more diverse in your choices. The way you are limiting yourslef in the music you listen to, you are also limiting your own choices in life. Try new things. If you don't experience new and refreshing things in your life you are bound to get depressed aren't you?

    Music is so powerful and emotional. I have identified the music that depresses me and I totally avoid listening to it. It is called self control. If I listen to it I am simply fuelling any sadness that lies deep within. It is kind of like allowing yourself to feel sorry for yourself. Sometimes it is good to let this out but to do it constantly is another issue.

    This doesn't mean to say I am depressed, everyone has some sadness deep within. But if we are depressed we can get stuck in a rut, fuelling the depression.

    You have to take control of your life. You can beat the illness by looking deep into your soul and realising what is causing the problem.

    There is a light at the end of the tunnel with depression. If you are willing to do something about it you can beat it. But if you want to wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life you will never get out <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    You need to learn to love yourself for what you are and realise how wonderful life is. It is there for the taking and it is whatever you make it <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    You know a little about what happened to me as a child so if I can sit here and say that life is wonderful thats enough to prove to anyone that life is whatever you make it <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    You are so young and have so many great things waiting for you. Life is exciting, you make your own decisions as an adult and walk the paths that you decide to. Life has so much to offer. OK, bad things can happen but all we can do is learn from these experiences.

    I hope you don't find me patronising and I hope that you are soon feeling better. Put it this way, if things are so bad for you right now, things can only get better <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by j9j9:
    I really wish Derby or Luka were here.

    J9

    As if by magic he appears. Thanks for your card J9 it was really kind.

    Beatle, J9 as always is right. you sound a very depressed soul, and would advise you seek help from your GP. It's not an easy step, especially when you have to open yourself and heart to your scars. I am currently in my 4th week of hospital treatment for depression and have found it very hard to confront issues such as child abuse, because I have realised that cutting my wrists because of the pain (which I didn't do till I got here) was wrong and getting on with it I have limited access to the net again as a reward. you can beat depression if you need any help or advice please feel free to e-mail me.

    Take care
    Luka
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Beetle, you're being a complete prat.
    The music you listen to makes you feel shit - that's partly why you listen to it. It sounds to me as if you're lolling in your own sadness and feeling sorry for yourself to a certain degree. In that respect, nothing beats 'Sing' on Blur's 'Leisure'. In fact most indie revolves aound sadness. Artists in that field admit all of it comes from being down. Brett Anderson can't write when he's feeling fine. Apparently.
    As for exercise, get off your ass. A good run will relase a sense of elation (caused by serotonin in your brain)as will a stretch or any effort.
    Your not making any efforts.
    If you don't like Trance or breakbeat or whatever, get some JazzSamba!
    Don't waste yourself. Go for a swim. Go to the gym. Get out!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Palas:
    Beetle, you're being a complete prat.
    The music you listen to makes you feel shit - that's partly why you listen to it. It sounds to me as if you're lolling in your own sadness and feeling sorry for yourself to a certain degree. In that respect, nothing beats 'Sing' on Blur's 'Leisure'. In fact most indie revolves aound sadness. Artists in that field admit all of it comes from being down. Brett Anderson can't write when he's feeling fine. Apparently.
    As for exercise, get off your ass. A good run will relase a sense of elation (caused by serotonin in your brain)as will a stretch or any effort.
    Your not making any efforts.
    If you don't like Trance or breakbeat or whatever, get some JazzSamba!
    Don't waste yourself. Go for a swim. Go to the gym. Get out!

    Hardly constructive advice there palas, that sort of opinion is what helps bring on depression I therefore find your opinion a worthless contribution, being so shallow as to blame the music one listens to is crazy. we listen to music because we like the music we listen to, granted that certain types of music have a lower tone to it than others but it's a comfort listening to what pleases us.

    you did make a valid point about exercise, exercise stimulates the endorphines in the body wich helps good feeling. also chocholate can help with the same effect, which is why we feel good with a bar of dairy milk or galaxy. No doubt palas you'll think I'm a greedy F**K and Fat bastard for scoffing down galaxy, but your opinion mean sod all to me.

    Beatle I still stick by what I said earlier, please find some help for yourself b4 it's too late
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Palas:
    Beetle, you're being a complete prat.
    The music you listen to makes you feel shit - that's partly why you listen to it. It sounds to me as if you're lolling in your own sadness and feeling sorry for yourself to a certain degree.
    As for exercise, get off your ass. A good run will relase a sense of elation (caused by serotonin in your brain)as will a stretch or any effort.
    Your not making any efforts.
    If you don't like Trance or breakbeat or whatever, get some JazzSamba!
    Don't waste yourself. Go for a swim. Go to the gym. Get out!

    Fuck you. I think I know why I'm depressed, not you. The music I like has fuck all to do with it. My depression, I believe, is rooted deep within memories of being pushed back and ignored by kids at school from an early age. I listen to the music I do, because it's simply more to my taste. It's not just "dark" music that I like, I'm also a fan of 50's/60's music too. Only I prefer "dark" music, it's just more to my taste.
    Could we please stop it with this music bullshit?!

    And as for exercise? I admit it, I'm a lzy bitch. I don't enjoy exercise. I think you'll agree, doing something I don't anjoy isn't really gonna help. I'll rather take Luka's suggestion-- CHOCOLATE <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    "I'm not here.
    This isn't happening..."

    [This message has been edited by *Beetle Wings* (edited 27-10-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really think its the music, being bullied in the past don't cause depression. You won't realise it but it is the music that does it. Also exercise is important. You will enjoy it once you're able to do it. Once your fitter you'll feel more confident. You are in self denial and really are being quite an arrogant prat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by dirty_harry:
    I really think its the music, being bullied in the past don't cause depression. You won't realise it but it is the music that does it. Also exercise is important. You will enjoy it once you're able to do it. Once your fitter you'll feel more confident. You are in self denial and really are being quite an arrogant prat.

    Oh my, THANK YOU!
    Fuck you. It's not the music. It's not the fact that I don't do exercise.Jesus. Do you people listen to anything? When I was younger I used to listen to POP music! (I admit it!) BUT. I got older and thought, "This music isn't really all that good anymore." Gradually, I started listening to rock music/metal/indie/punk/grunge I got BORED of the cheesy pop tunes. Started listening to my dad's old rock albums, and went from there. It's really not the music. I don't just listen to the songs that have a depressing theme.


    The depression does come deeply down to the bullying. When I was younger, I was called a freak/ugly/stupid, told I wasn't good enough to play with the kids (and the KIDS were the ones who said it all) When you're like 6/7/8 years old, it makes a pretty big impression on you. Now, when I think of it all, I break down and cry. I realise that my head's so fucked up because of that, and it pisses me off, and now I got so much hate in me for those people because of what they've done to me, and I still have to go to school with them now.

    So PLEASE, cut this music shit because I've said it about a million times, IT'S NOT THE FUCKING MUSIC!

    Oh and if you think I'm an arrogant prat, it's people like you that make me that way.
    Self denial? Sorry. I couldn't be more honest with myself. I know myself more than you. So don't be so quick to fucking judge.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shit that happens to u in your childhood can affect u big time. Everyone is different and different experiences affect different ppl in different ways.

    U r recognising what it is that has triggered off your depression so u r in a better position to deal with it.

    Now u need to find a way to be strong and beat your sadness. Are u willing to just lay down and let this shit ruin your life or r u going to stand up and do something about it?

    I have been there with depression and no therapy or drug helped me. I toughened up and decided it was time to take control of my life. You can do this too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Gwai.

    I can't really be arsed with this post anymore. Most people just seem to like posting insults and brushing it off with "teen depression" and arrogance and all that shit.
    I can't be arsed with it. If you're gonna post, post something helpful, please.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *Beetle Wings*:
    Thanks Gwai.

    I can't really be arsed with this post anymore. Most people just seem to like posting insults and brushing it off with "teen depression" and arrogance and all that shit.
    I can't be arsed with it. If you're gonna post, post something helpful, please.

    The only advice I can give at this point Beetle Wings is to listen to Luka & Gwai and ignore advice that you don't agree with.

    You can get alot of support on these forums, but unfortunately, sometimes, people answer before reading properly. Please don't let it bug you. We've all got a good side. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    J9



    [This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 30-10-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Beetle Wings

    Shame there have been a few more immature and unhelpful remarks since my last post, but like Luka and j9j9 have said, try to ignore them.

    Hope you are OK at the moment. Have you thought any more about what you might do to help yourself? You have my full support and best wishes.

    Keep in touch
    Ed

    PS I think happy hardcore is a very depressing genre of music, and I can see why you'd never want to listen to it in a million years. LOL.
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Mega Poster Posts: 2,822
    im quite offended by what daze and harry were saying about it just beign "teenage depression" and because of the music people listen to, so i cant imagine how beetle wings feels. i empathise with you beetle to some extent.. and i wish these immature idiots would think about what theyr'e writing and how it will affect people who are already depressed if they express it in an uneducated way.

    i listen to indie music too, im not into marilyn manson and korn and heavy stuff, more like stereophonics, ash, foo fighters, coldplay, etc. yeah some songs can be depressing.. but thats just stupid saying its the music that CAUSES depression.. ok if a song brings back sad memories then it might make you depressed. but i dont like happy hardcore/trance/house whatever, so i dont think listenign to it would do anything other than irritate me.people should be allwoed to lsiten to whatever music they like without a) being made to feel bad about it and that its the root to their probs and b not try to force it on anyone and respect people who d ont like it (as long as those people respect their right to like it.) anyway getting off topic.

    i was bullied, not physically, but just bitched at by some girls in year 7, 8, 9.. they did apologise to me in ear 10 but i dont know how much they meant it. and i think it did affect me. of course people can be affected by things that happen to them in childhood!! ive alwasy had problems with friends.. i seem to pick the ones who will be bitchy towards me or behind my back, and who will just behave totally as friends should not do. i thought i got rid of a group of immature girls in year 11, and made some good new friends.. but sadly they're just the same. with the exception of one who ive known for years.. she goes to a different school now but we still keep in touch (friends that leave never keep in touch, sort of gives me a complex that people keep leaving me as soon as i get close to them...which im sure daze or harry will make fun of).. and one other, who, sometimes is just the same as the bitchy rest and seems to be against me and never thank me or return favours or anything.. but shes the best friend out of all of them.also my boyfriend who is my best friend, he has been ever since i started talking to him (on teh net i might add!) and now we've been together almost 16 months. and i have some other close friends on the net who i havent even met. doesnt make them any less best friends though, better than the ones in person.

    anyway ive kind of lost the plot.... basically i empathise with you beetle.. im currently quite depressed, havent seen my doctor, dont want to, dont like docs for other unrelated reason and feel embarrassed talking to ppl i dont know about my probs (hmm guess i could type some stuff then print it out from here couldnt i?! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; ) its mainyl to do with A levels and stress.. and friends and how un-friendlike they are than to do with childhoo bullying, but i know that caused me a load of depression and low self esteem in year 9 and all the other years, i seriously considered changing schools because of it. so beetle, sorry if ive made you fall asleep! but dont listen to the people that think they know you better than you do yourself and express themselves in a derorgatory way towrds you (such as daze and harry!), listen to people like J9, gwaimui, caliph and luka, they know what they're talking about. and it helps to talk, if you dont have someone in your life you CAN talk to, id recommend seeing your GP and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist/councellor, whatever you want to call it. i guess im just hoping i have supportive people in my life... but we all need help sometimes, a psychiatrist may be the one to give it to you. good luck. <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    an idea...

    Hey BW,

    Hope you're still reading this because I can see that most people have posted stuff that is worse than useless. I have recently been trying to work out whats up with me and I have identified that self hate is a symptom i'm experiencing. I have done a bit of digging around on the net and there is a condition called Borderline Personality Dissorder (BPD) that causes most sufferers to experience feelings of self hate. Google BPD and you should get plenty of info on it so I won't go into it here.

    The other thing i will say is that its probably worth getting councelling (if you haven't already). I have been intending to for a long time but have always been too affraid to do it and keep putting it off. I have decided to get my act together and take the plunge though so fingers crossed. At least once a pro is on the case you'll get to know if something is wrong, what it is and what to do about it.

    Best of luck

    K
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Several things.

    1. Can you see the date on the thread? I think he might have got his information now.

    2. Self-diagnosis is nearly always flawed. I was professionally diagnosed as Borderline, it isn't as simple as a google search implies. Hating one's self is not limited to BPD< it is symptomatic of most mental conditions, even dysphoria.

    3. Counselling is a good idea. Talk to your doctor.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whoa, haven't heard from Gwai in like..... Years! J9J9, oh the memories lol
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