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Not liking your thoughts

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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Imagine that we're sitting somewhere, a cafe or something, with whoever else you want to imagine. At some point in the conversation, one or all of you start talking about ex or current boy/girlfriends and complaining about problems you've had or have with them.
    Would you think it's ok if I just snapped that you don't have a right to complain about it? I don't do that currently, as I know it's completely unfair, but if my current situation goes on for much longer (which it probably will) everntually I will do just that.

    It simply makes me so mad that something that's one of the biggest parts in most (yes, MOST) people's lives, along with school/uni/work, family, friends etc is completely nonexistent in mine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What steps have you taken to get yourself into a relationship?
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    None since 2003. Because that's when I thought about it and realised I was pretty much hopless, and also because I haven't met anyone since then for whom I'd think more than "Mm, really cute/hot/whatever".
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    None since 2003. Because that's when I thought about it and realised I was pretty much hopless, and also because I haven't met anyone since then for whom I'd think more than "Mm, really cute/hot/whatever".

    If you were to want a relationship, what type of partner would you be looking for?
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    No idea. I'm not even sure what the word "relationship" means to be honest.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No idea. I'm not even sure what the word "relationship" means to be honest.

    If you did know, what would your answer be?

    What sort of partner would you like?

    How would they look? How would they sound? What qualitites would they have to have for you to enjoy being around them?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I still have the 'meh, I'm single... no sign of that changing anytime soon' feelings from time to time, but I managed to change a lot of other negative thoughts for the better. Now I actually feel that I am more ready IF I had a chance to enter a relationship.

    I began writing down everything I'm happy about every day. I tried to take that book with me everywhere I went. I didn't think it would have a big impact on my life, but I was proven wrong. Slowly, I started seeing more and more of the positive things in my life. I learned to appreciate the good, and gloss over the non-important bad stuff.

    And after I was able to forget that I got a parking ticket and instead focus on the fact that x many people smiled at me, I felt much better about myself. Maybe it sounds insignificant, but I seriously wrote down everything that was good in one way or the other. Nothing bad at all is in that book!

    I don't use the book anymore, but I have a much better memory for the pleasant things. I've been deathly afraid of speaking to blokes, and I have serious issues with looking at people/looking them in the eye, but now whenever I do either and nothing bad happens, I memorize it so that I can keep doing it. Every little thing is a step in the right direction. I know that if I refuse to give up and keep trying, I will gain the confidence I need in order to get what I want.

    You do not seem to be very happy with yourself Zalbor, but if you are willing to make an effort to change it, I know that you will be able to. Once you have that confidence in yourself, you will be able to handle these feelings of being single better, and at the same time you will stand a better chance of finding somebody.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks... It's true that I tend to focus on what bad happened than the good things, but I've been trying to change that lately and aren't doing that bad.

    "If you can't leave the room, learn to live inside it."
    I can't leave the room, that seems pretty clear. Until a few weeks back, and for a few months before that, I managed to convince myself I was ok with the whole thing, that I wasn't jealous of anyone etc. but that didn't last for long. It's hard to forget when I'm reminded of it by practically everything around me.

    I don't think it's as simple as appreciating the rest of my life (if which I have almost no complaints anymore) because that didn't work. But as I don't want to snap like I described in a post above, I need to learn "how to live in the room"... Only I don't see how.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    My God, it's gotten worse! All I can feel now is jealousy, it's eating me out!
    You can't be telling me this is "alright" and th at I "shouldn't be fighting it"! What am I to do??? :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    DISTRACT YOURSELF!!!
    - do anything right now. or purposefully think of something else.
    atm when i start thinking about stuff i don't want to be thinking about, i sort of distract myself with an ethical debate in my head on all the reasons why veganism is a good thing. (-sounds a little silly, but it works!) or go outside for a run or something.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I guess I'll do that... But it's only temporary. It's all I do during a day anyway.
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