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Not liking your thoughts
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
What do you do when you don't like your thoughts? Because they're too selfish, or for other reasons? Imagine a bad person, he has selfish thoughts and thinks he's right to. But what if he doesn't want to have them? It's not as simple as "-I don't like myself..." "-Then change yourself!", because it's not how I act, it's how I think sometimes (luckily not all the time). How do you change your thoughts when knowing they're not thoughts you should have isn't enough to make them disappear?
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I'm not talking about something as simple as what you said. Like, imagine being jealous of practically everyone but knowing you shouldn't be, knowing exactly why you shouldn't be, but still you are. To give just one example.
In your example, you know it was probaly an accident, but you can't help thinking that it wasn't.
Also, don't fool yourself - everyone has 'bad' thoughts from time to time. The difference is whether you let them take over and change the person you are. The very fact that you are concerned about them means that you care. It would be much more worrying if you just accepted them...
There quite a good book on helping to stop this kind of thing here on Amazon.co.uk that maybe worth a look.
I disagree intensely. How are you going to convince yourself to do something you can't think your way through.
Thoughts first, then your actions follow naturally.
I paid a £1 for a penny sweet. keep the change.
Or a very very sexy voice y'know - like "You BAD person"
How do you know that they aren't "thoughts you should have"? Hold that thought.
Good.
Enjoy.
Everyone thinks differently and it doesnt make you bad.
Maybe it does. Maybe it depends on just how much these negative thoughts are taking over your life. It can be a bit of a spiral - if you catch it early on then I think actions can help alot. Helping others, working for something you believe in, doing a job that you enjoy etc can all be enormous self esteem boosters. Sitting around worrying about yourself leads to more worry.
"Bad" people are people who have bad thoughts and accept them as being themselves. If what you say (except the last phrase) is true, then it could mean I'm a "bad" person and should just stop pretending that I'm not, which is what I fear I might have been doing forever and don't want to believe.
Also, it would mean that "bad people" can never become good. Which I don't want to believe either.
I dont know you enough to judge whether I think youre good or bad as a person. I think youre probably good enough, especially since you go to the extent of feeling guilty and worrying about any bad thoughts you have.
Do you believe that `good` people, never think bad things?
Everyone has faults. We ALL think bad things sometimes.
Ill be brutally honest to whether that thought makes you bad lol.
Works for me.
This is kind of what I was referring to by letting your actions lead. Maybe you have become so consumed by what you haven't got that you've fogotten the value of what you HAVE got? Of course, I'm only speculating - I know nothing of your situation so I'm not having a go, but maybe if you start to make some more pro-active steps towards what you want you'll start to feel more positive and confident? I know it's easier said than done, but surely it's worth a try?...
You are always single. It is selfish of you, you don't deserve to change that. What has the deservedness of others got to do with you? You are always single, after all.
What you will...
That no one understands how this can be a reason to be unhappy about? Well it can and it is.
Have you considered that everyone else is also always single?
Single and happy
Boost your pulling confidence
Asking someone out
The first conversation
I think both of you (and I assume other people too) misunderstood. This isn't about me thinking I'll be better once I'm not single (klintock, you DO know what I mean, I'm not in the mood for definitions), it's about me being jealous of practically everyone and selfush because of it.
Did you even read the beginning of the thread? I said, and I'll repeat, I know I shouldn't be jealous and selfish, but I can't stop myself from being jealous and selfish. That's what I need help with. Telling me more things that I've said in this thread myself surely doesn't help.
Sorry for being angry. I just don't see what I didn't explain well.
What's wrong with wanting things for yourself?
Your needs and deires will not go away no matter how shitty you make yourself feel. SO STOP MAKING YOURSELF FEEL BAD!!! Make yourself feel good instead.
Comparing your situation with others is only any use if you talk to them about how they got what you want and then use that information to copy them.
You don't need help with stopping being jealous or being selfish you need to fill those needs you have in a positive way. Your need for affection and desire for love will always be with you, like your need for food and drink. They only get stronger if you leave them unfulfilled, like hunger gets more pressing over time.
Look at ways to fill your needs and the problem will go away.
I suppose you're right, but I really don't think it's possible for me to "fill those needs", because of various reasons. But that's another subject, so I guess this one is closed... (Note: I don't mean "please close the thread")
Edit:
Though I still have to stop my being jealous stop me from doing other things, because even if it is possible to "fill the needs", it might take years. I can't be like 25 (or worse) and still live in the same way I live now, because I'll still be single.
How do you know it will take years?
I am going to tell you a story about my lickle life. About a decade ago now I moved about a hundred miles away from home, I was really dreading the whole social side of the trip because I hadn't been totally on my own like that before.
The first person I talked to after I moved in to my new home became my first wife. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!!
Want to go over 'em?
:yes: :yes: :yes:
Don't be fooled - we're all selfish at heart and we all think about the things that would make our lives better. It's human nature and there's nothing wrong with it, so stop beating yourself up.