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Am I overreacting?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months and love her dearly but recently I have found she has been holding on to a lot of things from a previous relationship. She has been wearing jewellery given to her by her ex up until recently when she said she would stop wearing it for me, but she said she could never bring herself to throw them away. I have also found that she has kept old photos, letter and valentine cards etc from the same ex.
She tells me that the relationship was over years ago, but it still worries me that she has kept all this stuff. She insists that it all means nothing to her, but when I then suggested that if it means nothing then she can just throw it away she said she couldn’t. She says she loves me and that being over her ex is not an issue, but I can’t help thinking it is. She knows how her having these things upsets me but has still decided to hang onto it. I have always said I will never make her do anything and I’m not going to try and make her feel guilty about it, but I can’t help the way it makes me feel. If it were the other way round I would get rid of the stuff, but to be honest I wouldn’t have kept it in the first place unless I was trying to hold onto something or was still in love with the other person.
Am I overreacting? Should I just accept the fact that she keeps stuff from her ex or are my worries reasonable?
Thank you.
She tells me that the relationship was over years ago, but it still worries me that she has kept all this stuff. She insists that it all means nothing to her, but when I then suggested that if it means nothing then she can just throw it away she said she couldn’t. She says she loves me and that being over her ex is not an issue, but I can’t help thinking it is. She knows how her having these things upsets me but has still decided to hang onto it. I have always said I will never make her do anything and I’m not going to try and make her feel guilty about it, but I can’t help the way it makes me feel. If it were the other way round I would get rid of the stuff, but to be honest I wouldn’t have kept it in the first place unless I was trying to hold onto something or was still in love with the other person.
Am I overreacting? Should I just accept the fact that she keeps stuff from her ex or are my worries reasonable?
Thank you.
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Comments
However, you're going to have to realise that it's you that your girlfriend is with.
Also, sometimes girls are sentimental and keep silly little things that might mean something one day. It doesn't mean she still loves him or anything.
Malt xxx
It's not only girls that keep things from their exes btw. Plus the mere fact we're with you should show you enough thats its you we want to be with. I'll say to this day most of my exes have a place in my heart for one reason or another. Doesn't mean just cos I still care for them I want to be with them. I'm still best friends with a lot of my exes, cause they mean something to me.
if she likes the jewelery why should she get rid of it just because you dont like the fact it was bought by an ex?
As for the letters and cards, my mum still has photos, cards and stuff from her boyfriends she had when she was a teenager, she keeps them in a box along with stuff from the past that bring good memories. Doesnt mean she wants her exes back.
I always keep stuff from my past. Its something to look back on when im old.
On the other hand, if she is being secretive about the stuff she keeps then you may have the right to feel miffed...or if she was constantly gloating oh my ex got me this and my ex got me that.
sounds like u have a few problems with girlfriend's exes.
I think you would only be satisfied if a girlfriend had no past happy memories.
Giving up gifts from an ex wont make the ex go away-she still has an ex whether she keeps the stuff or not.
Who says it does constantly remind her of him?
By becoming over protective and jealous of her ex, she gets the same feelings inside.
A dvd you've watched with ya ex doesn't hold memories? I think not. I watch things like Kill Bill or the matrix and they bring back far more memories of one of my ex than wearing any piece of jewellery he bought me.
Small amounts of jealousy are healthy but when it starts taking over your feelings and making you want a girl to change or do something different it's past the healthy stage and just shows a lack of trust.
another point is it depends on the person wat would bother them and wat wouldnt.... i mean some ppl might be ok with their partner wearing something from an ex all the time or some might only like it if they wear it sometimes... from personal experience im basically not allowed to even talk about my exes at all (which for the record i dont go on about any of them, but might mention something in passing hardly ever though) ... but that hardly ever is not allowed. now i dont care if my bf mentions an ex, it doesnt bother me, but obviously bothers him so i just dont do it....
Ya see I cant handle guys that are like that either. I have to be alllowed to talk openly about my past. It's summat thats made me me. Obviously I aint gonna go on about our sex life or how great they were, but mentioning oh yeah when I was with so and so we went on hol there or saw that film, together etc.