Am I overreacting?

Former Member

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months and love her dearly but recently I have found she has been holding on to a lot of things from a previous relationship. She has been wearing jewellery given to her by her ex up until recently when she said she would stop wearing it for me, but she said she could never bring herself to throw them away. I have also found that she has kept old photos, letter and valentine cards etc from the same ex.

She tells me that the relationship was over years ago, but it still worries me that she has kept all this stuff. She insists that it all means nothing to her, but when I then suggested that if it means nothing then she can just throw it away she said she couldn’t. She says she loves me and that being over her ex is not an issue, but I can’t help thinking it is. She knows how her having these things upsets me but has still decided to hang onto it. I have always said I will never make her do anything and I’m not going to try and make her feel guilty about it, but I can’t help the way it makes me feel. If it were the other way round I would get rid of the stuff, but to be honest I wouldn’t have kept it in the first place unless I was trying to hold onto something or was still in love with the other person.

Am I overreacting? Should I just accept the fact that she keeps stuff from her ex or are my worries reasonable?

Thank you.

Former Member

You're not overreacting if it's making you feel bad, you can't help that.

However, you're going to have to realise that it's you that your girlfriend is with.

Also, sometimes girls are sentimental and keep silly little things that might mean something one day. It doesn't mean she still loves him or anything.

Former Member

You're over-reacting, everyone keeps stuff from old relationships that makes them smile. It doesn't mean that the memories of something that's OVER is more important than what's she's got going on NOW.

Former Member

I have necklaces that I wear day to day, rings, bracelets, a humungous bundle of love letters that me and my ex used to write back and forth when we together, cards and gifts...doesn't mean i love him, want him back, he's my only one and I'm hanging onto them because I'm not over him...I just like to wear pretty things, the letters tookso long to write...everything has some sort of sentimental value, but they make me smile cause I remember being in love with him, but I'm in love again now, and wouldn't wish for any of the the sentiments in those cards and letters, to come from anyone now, but my current bloke. I would never throw them away, when I'm older, it'll be nice to look back. The cards etc...are bundled away in a box under the bed and haven't surfaced in yonks, but the jewlerry is just pretty stugff I like to wear. Don't take it to heart.

Malt xxx

Former Member

I agree with Fiend. If my b/f got bothered by me keeping things from exes and wearing jewellry from them I'd be mightily annoyed. I even sleep with a teddy my ex fiance gave me. Doesn't mean anything, just it's the right shape to sleep with. When I wear jewellery it's because I like it and it looks good with an outfit. Letters, cinema tickets, train tickets from things you've done together, places you go with an ex, it's all part of your life and every experience makes you the person you are today. Why does she have to throw away that part of her life just because she's with you?

Former Member

OK, thanks for your opinions.

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

I think i'm having De Ja Vu! I split up with my ex over the exact same situation, girls don't understand that they have to SHOW us that he means nothing. I have to say though even though it might be different in your case that my ex does still like her ex Adam and she lied to me about it, rubbed it in my face after we split too. I've seen the real side to her and I still can't believe the things that she's said.

In my opinion, she probabaly does want to be with you, but she still has feelings for him, hard to accept but true. Give it time, don't pressure her and just see if she does sacrafice his stuff for you, if she can't let go then you have problem, but don't push her.

It's not only girls that keep things from their exes btw. Plus the mere fact we're with you should show you enough thats its you we want to be with. I'll say to this day most of my exes have a place in my heart for one reason or another. Doesn't mean just cos I still care for them I want to be with them. I'm still best friends with a lot of my exes, cause they mean something to me.

Former Member

I don't see the problem, a piece of jewellery is a piece of jewellery. Girls wear what matches and outfit and looks good. Whats the point if you've got summat like that not wearing it, so what if an ex gave it her, doesn't mean she's constantly thinking awww, so and so got me this, how nice he was, which I was still with him.

Former Member

No, I wouldn't let go of any of my jewellery, or letters or teddys or whatever else. They're a part of my past, something that made me who I was today, why should I have to give that up. If he loves her he should trust her anyway, it's not much of a rel without trust in the first place.

Former Member

You are over-reacting.

if she likes the jewelery why should she get rid of it just because you dont like the fact it was bought by an ex?

As for the letters and cards, my mum still has photos, cards and stuff from her boyfriends she had when she was a teenager, she keeps them in a box along with stuff from the past that bring good memories. Doesnt mean she wants her exes back.

I always keep stuff from my past. Its something to look back on when im old.

On the other hand, if she is being secretive about the stuff she keeps then you may have the right to feel miffed...or if she was constantly gloating oh my ex got me this and my ex got me that.

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

Yeah but think of it form his point of view, it's not helping earn his trust if she can't let go of a peice of jewelrey that constantly reminds her of her ex. I've felt the emotion you get with this situation myself.

sounds like u have a few problems with girlfriend's exes.

I think you would only be satisfied if a girlfriend had no past happy memories.

Giving up gifts from an ex wont make the ex go away-she still has an ex whether she keeps the stuff or not.

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

Yeah but think of it form his point of view, it's not helping earn his trust if she can't let go of a peice of jewelrey that constantly reminds her of her ex. I've felt the emotion you get with this situation myself.

Who says it does constantly remind her of him?

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

But by becoming protective over something of his and wanting to wear it all the time it gives you an empty feeling inside. I'm not saying i'm right or wrong in any of this, but you get them emotions when something like this crops up and you can't decide what to feel.

By becoming over protective and jealous of her ex, she gets the same feelings inside.

Former Member

Maybe it should be put in boy terms....if an ex had bought you your favourite dvd or video game, would you throw it away or never play it again because you weren't together anymore? I think now.

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote:

Games or dvd dont hold memories.

Look am not saying your wrong, but in that situation you do get an empty feeling inside, you feel alienated and yeah a bit jelous, it's healthy to be jelous sometimes, it shows how much you like the other person. In my head the jewelry would seem like a constant reminder. If afterall it's just a piece of jewelry she will have no problem in seeing that it's causing her bf to get uneasy and make him feel at ease again.

A dvd you've watched with ya ex doesn't hold memories? I think not. I watch things like Kill Bill or the matrix and they bring back far more memories of one of my ex than wearing any piece of jewellery he bought me.

Small amounts of jealousy are healthy but when it starts taking over your feelings and making you want a girl to change or do something different it's past the healthy stage and just shows a lack of trust.

Former Member

i agree with wat some others have said here, its only jewelery, i cant stand my ex but sometimes i wear a chain he gave me cos it goes with the outfit!

another point is it depends on the person wat would bother them and wat wouldnt.... i mean some ppl might be ok with their partner wearing something from an ex all the time or some might only like it if they wear it sometimes... from personal experience im basically not allowed to even talk about my exes at all (which for the record i dont go on about any of them, but might mention something in passing hardly ever though) ... but that hardly ever is not allowed. now i dont care if my bf mentions an ex, it doesnt bother me, but obviously bothers him so i just dont do it....

Former Member

MzInnocent wrote:

i agree with wat some others have said here, its only jewelery, i cant stand my ex but sometimes i wear a chain he gave me cos it goes with the outfit!

another point is it depends on the person wat would bother them and wat wouldnt.... i mean some ppl might be ok with their partner wearing something from an ex all the time or some might only like it if they wear it sometimes... from personal experience im basically not allowed to even talk about my exes at all (which for the record i dont go on about any of them, but might mention something in passing hardly ever though) ... but that hardly ever is not allowed. now i dont care if my bf mentions an ex, it doesnt bother me, but obviously bothers him so i just dont do it....

Ya see I cant handle guys that are like that either. I have to be alllowed to talk openly about my past. It's summat thats made me me. Obviously I aint gonna go on about our sex life or how great they were, but mentioning oh yeah when I was with so and so we went on hol there or saw that film, together etc.