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Man or woman ??

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    I didnt mean sleeping with someone though i was talking about the cuddling/kissing. Not everyone goes on to have sex on a first date.
    Am i reading what you say as its ok to kiss and cuddle and get close in that way before you come out and say youve had a sex change ? I feel that there shouldbe no closeness of any kind till they have told them they have had a sex change.


    I agree, I think that they should tell the person before they get involved in any kissing or anything, as let's be honest, I'm pretty sure most people might have a few issues with going out with someone who'd had a sex change. Now that's not me being unfair on them, but I know I wouldn't like to date someone who'd had a sex change, it's just not my thing really.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think of Nadia as a woman, Its easy to think of her as female because shes reasonably feminine looking compared to a lot of transexuals. It might be harder to get my head round it if she was more butch looking. In real life I would always refer to them as women but I would think of them as transexuals. I wouldnt think of them as men though.
    I would have absolutely no problem with a transexual using the ladies loos. They have to use the ladies ones, If they carried on using the gents, they wouldnt be living fully as a woman so therefore wouldnt necessarily get their op if they carried on using the gents.
    It wouldnt bother me any bloke using the ladies though tbh. Its not as if anyone comes in the cubical while youre in there. private toilets in the home are used by both sexes, so why is it so important to only pee in same sex company when youre out and about????
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    It wouldnt bother me any bloke using the ladies though tbh. Its not as if anyone comes in the cubical while youre in there. private toilets in the home are used by both sexes, so why is it so important to only pee in same sex company when youre out and about????


    It might bother a lot of men if a lady walked into the mens though, but then again, that's because of the john.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    It wouldnt bother me any bloke using the ladies though tbh. Its not as if anyone comes in the cubical while youre in there. private toilets in the home are used by both sexes, so why is it so important to only pee in same sex company when youre out and about????

    Public toilets are made for Men or Women, transexuals are not women therefore they should not use the female toilets.
    I wouldnt have a strange man listening to me pee or having a strange looking man in the toilets when I take my 8 yr old daughter in there.
    I dont wanna sound nasty but they dont look like women (the majority anyhow) and I would be highly offended/embarrased if a man who was a stranger was in the ladies loos.........and id tell him so.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Public toilets are made for Men or Women, transexuals are not women therefore they should not use the female toilets.
    I wouldnt have a strange man listening to me pee or having a strange looking man in the toilets when I take my 8 yr old daughter in there.

    But they aren't men. Shall they piss in the paddling pool?

    It really is your own problem, to be quite honest. You have no problems with strange women hearing you pee, and there are such things as lesbian paedophiles.

    The transgendered person considers himself a woman not a man, so he's not going to be eyeing you up and he's not going to think anything unusual about it.

    If you can't get your head around the fact that, socially if not strictly biologically, a transgendered person- pre-op OR post-op- is the gender they choose to be then that is your problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    But they aren't men.

    EDITED COS I MISSREAD YOUR POST:

    They are men........do they have a penis? have they had the sex op ? they aint female.

    Im not bothered about what he thinks, at the end of the day im thinking about number one here.......myself. I aint gonna worry what he;s thinking, he has nothing to do with me so why should i worry about him ?

    I can accept that they feel trapped, theres no question about that. What I wont accept is them in public female toilets.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Im not bothered about what he thinks, at the end of the day im thinking about number one here.......myself. I aint gonna worry what he;s thinking, he has nothing to do with me so why should i worry about him ?

    I can accept that they feel trapped, theres no question about that. What I wont accept is them in public female toilets.

    They are, to all intents and purposes, female. To have the operation they have to live as female, and that does mean using female toilets.

    If you aren't prepared to accept the possibility that a transgendered man will use the female toilets then you shouldn't be using them. Their social construct is as a female (or as a male if they are going the otehr way) so if yopu are not prepared to accept that social construct it is you who will have to swivel, not them.

    Like it or not, they are female in terms of social constructs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit

    Like it or not, they are female in terms of social constructs.

    They are NOT female......end off in my opinion.
    Many dont even look female and you can tell straight away that they are men. So where do we draw the line ?
    how do I know that this fella who could be sat on the bog next to me just likes wearing womens clothes? he may not want a sex change but he just likes wearing womens clothes so is that ok in your opinion ?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    I didnt mean sleeping with someone though i was talking about the cuddling/kissing. Not everyone goes on to have sex on a first date.
    Am i reading what you say as its ok to kiss and cuddle and get close in that way before you come out and say youve had a sex change ? I feel that there shouldbe no closeness of any kind till they have told them they have had a sex change.

    Sorry but I couldn't disagree more.

    You are talking about a person who is living as a woman, has the attributes of a woman (except the DNA) and therefore is classed as a woman.

    Now, I am happy to accept that the discussion should take place before sex, as part of a relationship. But that relationship has to be given a chance to develop first.

    It all comes down to "love", and my personal experience is that someone's history isn't as important when you love them because it's that history that has made the person into the one that you love.

    As for toilets, no disrepect but it sounds like there are other issues here than just the possibility that the person in the next cubicle could have had a sex change.

    Perhaps the other question is, why should someone who lives as a woman, has sex with men etc use a male toilet?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to say again, if we are talking about someone dressed as a woman then that is a very different thing but if you are talking about transexuals Becky and are saying that they are not women you are legally wrong.

    Look back to the early post about the law changes. If a transexual who is now a woman went into the men's it would be exactly the same as if you did. They would be odd if they went in there - they are women. The law doesn't say they get to act like women when it's convinent - they are in all respects legally women.

    If you are talking about tranvestites or pre-operative transexuals it's going to be necessary to say that rather than use the term transexual as a 'catch all' term.

    Unfortunately this topic does require some quite specific terminology.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    They are NOT female......end off in my opinion.
    Many dont even look female and you can tell straight away that they are men. So where do we draw the line ?
    how do I know that this fella who could be sat on the bog next to me just likes wearing womens clothes? he may not want a sex change but he just likes wearing womens clothes so is that ok in your opinion ?

    Gender is mostly a social construct.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Blagsta
    Gender is mostly a social construct.
    no it isnt. It is partly a social construct, but not mainly. There have been cases which disprove your theory.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Links?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Man Of Kent


    As for toilets, no disrepect but it sounds like there are other issues here than just the possibility that the person in the next cubicle could have had a sex change.

    Perhaps the other question is, why should someone who lives as a woman, has sex with men etc use a male toilet?

    ah but you see by that time if they have had the op they look like women. Up till then or at the beginning they look like men, so at that precise time they are still men......does that make sense? I know what I mean :blush:

    Jim yes I know its my fault, I have started mixing the issues, the toilet bit just got added along the route and i did mean transvestite ......sorry :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The case in the US where due to operating accident a small baby (only a few days old) lost his penis and testicles. They operated on him to make him into a girl, and raised him like they would a baby girl, but he suffered from body dysmorphia and severe depression, among other things, until the truth was told to him and he started to live as a boy, and then as a man.

    Some aspects of the gender construct are social, but the basic gender actually tends to be more than a social construct. Which is why transgendered people find it so fundamentally important that they can physically, as well as mentally, change genders.

    Becky, you are being confused to a very bigoted level.

    Transvestites are not the same as transgendered individuals, transvestisism tends to be more of a social construct (female transvestites don't exactly have a problem, do they?) than something which goes to the heart of a person's identity. Many transvestities do not see themselves as female, they just like to dress up as females- therefore they would use the male conveniences or, because of the threat of vuiolence, would wait until they got home.

    Transgendered individuals see themselves as their new gender, even if they are pre-op transgendered people, so it would be right for them to use the female conveniences as they are actually female, psychologically if not physically.

    If you are unable to appreciate that transvestisism and transgenderism are two separate issues then that is your problem, not anybody else's, and if you find the idea of ANY female using female conveniences then I suggest that you do not use them. Legally they are female, therefore they sue the female conveniences.

    Pre-op transgendered individuals are harder to categorise, but remember the most important thing. Men who dress up as women are not the same as men who believe that they ARE women, but trapped in the "wrong" body.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    By gender being a social construct, what I mean is that the meaning of what it is to be a specific gender and the behaviours that are attached to that meaning, are constructs, i.e. they will differ from culture to culture.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    Becky, you are being confused to a very bigoted level.

    If you are unable to appreciate that transvestisism and transgenderism are two separate issues then that is your problem, not anybody else's,

    No.........I just balls up what I want to say and its coming out the wrong way.
    Right I will try again. when they have had the op then I see them as women, they look like women (the majority anyway) and I probably wouldnt even realise they had been male before that.
    I have a bit of a problem in the way they live before they have the op. To me they are male, they look male and I can tell they are male........thats the problem. Now they have to live as female before they get the op...thats all well and good but they are not female so they cant do what a normal female would do......ie go into ladies toilets, a mixed female changing room etc etc.....in my opinion anyway, which by the sounds of it seems im alone on this one :lol::lol:
    Howay you lot................your job is to convert me :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Lets assume you have known Jason for 15 years, he has been a friend and you have worked with him for the last ex amount of years.......as a man.
    He starts to come to work in skirts and make up. After whatever length of time he decides to go the full hog and have the op.
    Is he male or female in your eyes ?

    You see I dont know wether I could actually accept a friend who had the sex change and then see them as a woman. I will have known them for ex amount of years as male so I dont think Id ever see them as a woman.
    But if Id never known the person then they would be female.

    does that make sense :confused:

    We have a woman who used to be a man come in to the place where I work and I see 'him' as a 'her'... same with people who live their lives as the opposite gender... I mean there's gender (identity) and sex (what ya got between your legs) in my eyes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    I agree, I think that they should tell the person before they get involved in any kissing or anything, as let's be honest, I'm pretty sure most people might have a few issues with going out with someone who'd had a sex change. Now that's not me being unfair on them, but I know I wouldn't like to date someone who'd had a sex change, it's just not my thing really.

    I dunno if it'd bother me to be honest... Love is more than what's between somebody's legs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by J
    Care to explain?


    Perhaps he means that we're socialised in to gender roles?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by J
    Care to explain?

    I already have.
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