I feel trapped

Former Member

I'm in a situation right now that feels impossible and I really need some help with it.


There is a girl who I've worked with for the past 6 months and I really like her. I'm not in love but she's basically all I think about. So much so that I've rejected other girls because I couldn't be with anyone else right now.

I only see her on weekends and I've always had the impression that she likes me. The way she talks to me, the way she looks at me, lots of smirks and looks between her and her friends when I'm near etc.


Some days I see her and she doesn't stop looking at me. Other days she completely ignores me in a very exageratted way as if she wants to me go and ask her what's wrong. A couple of times I've caught her checking the time sheets to see if I'll be in on the next weekend.

Just lots of little things that added up and made me believe she liked me.


So I asked for her phone number. She told me that she was seeing someone. I then got the impression from friends that it wasn't serious with this other guy and that she hasn't been going out with him for long.


So everything was fine, and I was willing to bide my time and get to know her a bit more, but now I rarely see her because I don't get much weekend work. I haven't seen her in a month.

I hate my job. I really hate it and would get something else but the only thing keeping me there is this girl. So I walk around all week like a zombie. Completely numb about not getting to see her and desperately wanting to quit my job and move on but not being able to because there is a chance that something might happen between us.


I don't know what to do. I've thought about asking to speak to her the next time I see her but I'm scared of -

1/ Scaring her off. I mean she's already kind of rejected my advances, how far can I push it?

2/ Having got this completely wrong and ending up looking like some weirdo.


Part of me thinks that life is too short so I should just push it as far as I can until I get a definitive answer as to whether something could happen between us.

There is another thing - 2 days before I saw her last, I mentioned to her friend that I 'had her on the brain'.

Part of this was to judge her reaction the next time I saw her. I thought if she ignored me then I'd know, after saying that, that she really isn't interested.

But she didn't ignore me. She kept talking to me and looking at me and asking how I was.

I'm so confused and really need some advice on this.

Former Member

I've had zero experience with women BUT, I've been in a similar situation where I was working with a great girl who I thought about all the time, the only time we'd really get to see each other though was at dinner time and other breaks where I'd be racing to meet her. We'd smile and gesture to each other across the warehouse as well.

I set my stall out to ask her out one day but that day, she didn't come in and it turned out she'd been forced to go back to Sheffield so I've not seen her since and I'm gutted.

My advice, for what it's worth which probably isn't much, is for you to go for it. Next time you do see her, ask her until she gives you an answer. If she feels the same and agrees to start something then awesome, if she doesn't, you will at least know and can move on.

The uncertainty and not knowing must be killing you.

Former Member

It is killing me and I'm glad someone understands.

Former Member

The way she's acted previously indicates to me that she probably does like you. But then again if she's seeing someone, even if at this stage it's not serious, it could mean that she liked having your attention, or she liked you but didn't know you well enough so was just flirtacious and played upon on knowing you liked her...just for the attention.

I mean I don't know, but if she really REALLY liked you, maybe she'd of made a more obvious indication. If she wanted to push for something more...she wouldn't be seeing someone else? What I'm trying to say, probably badly (!) is that maybe she likes you, but not enough just now cause she doesn't know you really well. Oh I dunno. I can completely understand how you're getting in a tangle over this and there's little I can offer to alleviate that, but persevere - if next time you see her, ask her if she'd like to go for coffee outside of work sometime, maybe ask if she'd like to swop numbers or something? Then you might get more of an impression as to where you stand.

Former Member

what sort of job is it? could you leave and reasonably expect to see her at the weekend- like if it's a retail job?

Former Member

Yes, it's a retail job.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

The problem is that everytime I try and do something about this I just get more and more confused.

I pluck up the courage to ask her out and she says that she's seeing someone which doesn't really tell me whether she likes me or not. I tell her friend that I have her on the brain and the next time I see her she's staring at me a lot and talking to me. :banghead:

Surely if she wasn't interested she would have avoided me that day after what I said? I really don't think she's the type of girl to seek attention.



For the girls on the board - If a guy asked for your phone number and you told him you were seeing someone, he then mentioned to your best friend a couple of times that he still liked you.

And about 2 months after asking for your number he told you he really really liked you and asked if anything could happen - would you feel pressured or hasseled?

I'm scared of crossing the line.

Former Member

Velocity wrote: »

For the girls on the board - If a guy asked for your phone number and you told him you were seeing someone, he then mentioned to your best friend a couple of times that he still liked you.

And about 2 months after asking for your number he told you he really really liked you and asked if anything could happen - would you feel pressured or hasseled?

I'm scared of crossing the line.

Personally, and only commenting on exactlty what you've said above, no I would not feel hassled, i would feel complemented. If I liked him and he had made it as clear as it appears you have that you liked me, i would make a move back. But that's me. I don't know if all girls would do that. I may actually still be too shy to do anything. So I don't know if this adivce helps at all.

Sorry, i am trying but i am very drunk right now. :thumb:

Former Member

Velocity wrote: »

Yes, it's a retail job.

For the girls on the board - If a guy asked for your phone number and you told him you were seeing someone, he then mentioned to your best friend a couple of times that he still liked you.

And about 2 months after asking for your number he told you he really really liked you and asked if anything could happen - would you feel pressured or hasseled?

I'd feel it was a bit off, to be honest, if I was seeing someone else and the guy knew I was seeing someone else. I think you're better biding your time and seeing how things with her current blokey goes and if they split up, only then bring it up again.

ETA: if you're planning to leave the job though and want to keep in touch with her, then by all means ask her for her number, but don't phrase it in the context of wanting it 'because you really really like her', just as a friend, at least while he bloke's still on the scene.

Former Member

fuck that job. Quit it, you can have contact outside of work too.

Just call her up and ask her out of the blue if she fancies a cup of coffee and have a chat about how ya both doing....

if she gave you the number that is.. did she? couldn't read that out.

Former Member

She didn't give me the number.:crying:

I don't think I could ask for it again, I just want to tell her how I feel and ask if anything could happen. Then I could probably move on.

Former Member

Velocity wrote: »

I don't think I could ask for it again, I just want to tell her how I feel and ask if anything could happen. Then I could probably move on.

Well, realistically, she's not going to say anything could happen when she's still with this other guy, is she? Just bide your time....