If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Ahhhh what am i doing?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Eugh well im afraid im back again with pretty much old territory but is still something thats grinding away at me.
Well before i went back to Uni at Xmas i told my ex that i really needed to cut contact for as long as it took for me to totally move on from her and get over her. Its been nearly a year since all the shite that led to us falling out began and even to this day i can't say ive moved on. Its not been the first time ive said that to her, i said something similar to her around October time and then ended up seeing her at Xmas.
Seems im making a habit of doing that now. Came back home for the weekend. Got trollied at the weekend and ending up sending some kind of text, not entirely sure what i sent but anyway i felt bad the next day about it so just text her to say sorry and all that. She pretty much failry said that "theres no point talking to me if your just gonna say you wont talk to me when you go back to uni." I just left it at that, i didnt wanna argue with her again. I've had enough of that but then she replied a few hours later saying it might be worth talking for a while at least. So the last few days we've been texting, just random stuff really and i went and saw her today and it was really really good to see her again, the last few days of texting her and then seeing her .. i felt happier again but im coming to realise im still not over her at all.
Just seeing her again, i seem to still have those sad memories of it all whirling around in my head, her choosing someone else over me, seeing that in my face at work all the time and still knowing shes with someone else. And those memories come even more so when i see her or if i text, i mean its not an instance thing. I'd see her and have a great time but an hour or so later when im on my own they start to come up and then i think what am i doing here. Just gets me down as its something that always happens now, been nearly a year and those memories are still at the front of my mind. Its not like i mope around at uni feeling sorry for myself and making myself have these thoughts. I try and spend my time with my friends or practising my DJ'ing, things i hoped would help me forget but it isnt budging no matter what i do. Im not saying it makes me a depressed nutcase but i guess i can say i havent been happy for a long while, not that anyone would know really as i don't really let off much about how i feel. Maybe why i get the nickname "Smiley Rob", as im always smiling. Guess alot of people could say it isn't the biggest thing in the world but i guess in my head its a very big thing .. and yeah it was.
I said to her earlier that it was ok now to text me etc, so she could text me whenever, you know that type of thing .. but now i dunno. Its just a repeating spiral everytime and i dunno how to deal with it anymore. I see her and nothing changes, i dont see her and dont contact her and nothing changes. Im stuck in a hole.
Ramble ramble. I'll stop now.
Well before i went back to Uni at Xmas i told my ex that i really needed to cut contact for as long as it took for me to totally move on from her and get over her. Its been nearly a year since all the shite that led to us falling out began and even to this day i can't say ive moved on. Its not been the first time ive said that to her, i said something similar to her around October time and then ended up seeing her at Xmas.
Seems im making a habit of doing that now. Came back home for the weekend. Got trollied at the weekend and ending up sending some kind of text, not entirely sure what i sent but anyway i felt bad the next day about it so just text her to say sorry and all that. She pretty much failry said that "theres no point talking to me if your just gonna say you wont talk to me when you go back to uni." I just left it at that, i didnt wanna argue with her again. I've had enough of that but then she replied a few hours later saying it might be worth talking for a while at least. So the last few days we've been texting, just random stuff really and i went and saw her today and it was really really good to see her again, the last few days of texting her and then seeing her .. i felt happier again but im coming to realise im still not over her at all.
Just seeing her again, i seem to still have those sad memories of it all whirling around in my head, her choosing someone else over me, seeing that in my face at work all the time and still knowing shes with someone else. And those memories come even more so when i see her or if i text, i mean its not an instance thing. I'd see her and have a great time but an hour or so later when im on my own they start to come up and then i think what am i doing here. Just gets me down as its something that always happens now, been nearly a year and those memories are still at the front of my mind. Its not like i mope around at uni feeling sorry for myself and making myself have these thoughts. I try and spend my time with my friends or practising my DJ'ing, things i hoped would help me forget but it isnt budging no matter what i do. Im not saying it makes me a depressed nutcase but i guess i can say i havent been happy for a long while, not that anyone would know really as i don't really let off much about how i feel. Maybe why i get the nickname "Smiley Rob", as im always smiling. Guess alot of people could say it isn't the biggest thing in the world but i guess in my head its a very big thing .. and yeah it was.
I said to her earlier that it was ok now to text me etc, so she could text me whenever, you know that type of thing .. but now i dunno. Its just a repeating spiral everytime and i dunno how to deal with it anymore. I see her and nothing changes, i dont see her and dont contact her and nothing changes. Im stuck in a hole.
Ramble ramble. I'll stop now.
0
Comments
I think the "easiest" way around this is just not to see her if you still feel that strongly for her. seeing her with her new man's just going to make you feel down and tied up inside.
like you've said, you try and spend plenty of time with your freinds... you need to try and keeo yourself busy and distracted if possible. it's pretty hard just to not think about someone, you need to be thinking about something else instead.
a year is a long time to feel that way, just keep at it and it'll get better eventually. (atleast that's what I've been telling myself, but I'm not in quite the same situation. still crap though)
You know I'm always here to distract you!
(and if I'm not here, I'm at the bikesheds)
Chin up!
Hi GoodFella,
Being stuck in a rut like this sounds like a nightmare and although it doesn't feel like it now, there is a way out, just hang in there buddy.
Based on what you've said ^ I think you've offered a fair bit of insight into the situation. While you say nothing changes when you don't contact her, I don't for a minute doubt this - what I would question is whether it is the lesser of two (for want of a better word) evils at the moment. Because I'm guessing that although you feel bad when you don't contact her - it's probably not the same kind of bad when you do. And everytime you see/speak/text her again you have new memories and experiences to analyse, read things into and link to what you had before. The longer you give it without her, the more chance you have of being able to see why perhaps things weren't perfect for the two of you, and although there's a chance you'll always be a bit sad that things didn't work out - you'll hopefully be able to see that you can move on.
When you start to look at things objectively, I'm not going to say the pain will completely vanish, but I think your chances of happiness will greatly increase. So why not give the distance thing a proper chance - and let us know how it goes
Yeah your right i guess. It is a worst type of bad when i do contact her, i mean i think she's careful what she says in her texts so as not to upset me or whatever. Like she says shes going travelling soon but she wont say who shes going with to me but i know shes going with the other bloke. Its right i don't wanna know anything about that or those two together, don't think i ever will be happy with it .. and i guess that kinda limits what kind of a friend i could be.
Did make me smile and stuff when we texted random funny crap the last few days but was still left feeling down afterwards.
Just, ahh stupid of me to text her last weekend. I should of just kept it how it was with no contact.
Well its been about 3 weeks or so now since i decided to not contact her .. without really telling her. I still feel like a bag of shite over it but was my own fault for getting back in touch with her.
She's texted a few times and tried to talk to me on MSN but ive just decided to try and leave it really. Think she's realised now that i got rid of her as a friend on facebook and im trying so hard to resist looking at hers and her friends. Keep trying to tell myself its for the best and it probably is, just for my sakes i guess. Had quite a bad weekend in the sense of thinking about things, maybe because no one was about and it was a quiet weekend. Wasn't particulary nice things to think about and i guess they didn't really make me want to text her or contact her, or even think about her. But i guess that comes from thinking sad thoughts and memories.
The side of me that cares about her still wants to know shes alrite and happy. I do hope she is, even if people have said to me that she shouldnt be happy with what happened. Shes off travelling soon anyway so wont be able to contact her for a few months, maybe that'll help. After that we'll see. Maybe i will be ok just talking to her or maybe were just better off apart.
Ah well thats all for now, sure i'll be back soon writing jibberish and if much has gone on
Sweetie, I think you've answered your own questions, now try and stick to what you've found is best
And although this may seem incredibly not relevant to you right now, I can't help but saying there ARE other girls out there who are worthy of you. I've told you this before, you're such a great bloke you won't have a problem finding another girl - you just have to open yourself up to the possibility of it. I know it feels like you don't want other girls right now, you want her, but hell, that isn't a possibility any more, end of. Either you choose to live a life of perpetual grief or you gather up the energy to turn the page and give yourself the opportunity of being happy with someone else. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but in all honesty I believe this is the way it is. I know it hurts like hell to assume that it just won't happen with the person you're in love with (I've been there too), it's really REALLY hard to let go - but it's a necessary step towards your happiness in the future. If you want to be happy you have to let go sweetie, there's no way around it.