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How to help my depressed/suicidal friend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all, i'm not a regular poster but i've ended up in a weird situation and wondered if anyone might be able to give me some of your legendary guidance. (Sorry if this is a bit long).
I and a few others visited a friend of mine who I've barely seen over the last few years recently (we went to school together but lost contact after I went to uni and she moved away). Had a great time and spent the next few days texting each other, and arranged to meet up this weekend.
However, now it becomes a bit complicated. During the weekend an event that can only be described as 'intimate touching' occurred (man that sounds cheesy, above-clothes-crotch rubbing seemed a lot worse though..). I tend to be quite relaxed in my views on these things so didn't think much of it. However, once I came home she made it clear she thought it was the beginning of something, and asked me up for a bit of a dirty weekend. When I said I wasn't prepared to be in a long distance relationship and didn't want to lead her on (I got the impression she was hoping for that outcome) she initially felt angry with me, but then appeared to accept it and we decided to meet up this weekend as friends.
However, she just text me saying she had taken an overdose on wednesday and is now in hospital. Obviously the weekends cancelled, and I feel shit cos I guess I'm part of the reason for it happening, but i'm not sure what to do now. On one hand I want to be there for her as best I can, I genuinly care for her and hate that she is going through this. On the other I feel that if I am always around she might become more attached to me, which will just cause her more hurt down the line. I knew she had problems with depression in the past but didn't realise she was still struggling so badly. I have no experience of how to deal with depression and understand it little since i've only read about it and have no first hand expeience.
So yeah, sorry if i've waffled on a bit. Don't think i'm well equipped to handle this one on my own though.
I and a few others visited a friend of mine who I've barely seen over the last few years recently (we went to school together but lost contact after I went to uni and she moved away). Had a great time and spent the next few days texting each other, and arranged to meet up this weekend.
However, now it becomes a bit complicated. During the weekend an event that can only be described as 'intimate touching' occurred (man that sounds cheesy, above-clothes-crotch rubbing seemed a lot worse though..). I tend to be quite relaxed in my views on these things so didn't think much of it. However, once I came home she made it clear she thought it was the beginning of something, and asked me up for a bit of a dirty weekend. When I said I wasn't prepared to be in a long distance relationship and didn't want to lead her on (I got the impression she was hoping for that outcome) she initially felt angry with me, but then appeared to accept it and we decided to meet up this weekend as friends.
However, she just text me saying she had taken an overdose on wednesday and is now in hospital. Obviously the weekends cancelled, and I feel shit cos I guess I'm part of the reason for it happening, but i'm not sure what to do now. On one hand I want to be there for her as best I can, I genuinly care for her and hate that she is going through this. On the other I feel that if I am always around she might become more attached to me, which will just cause her more hurt down the line. I knew she had problems with depression in the past but didn't realise she was still struggling so badly. I have no experience of how to deal with depression and understand it little since i've only read about it and have no first hand expeience.
So yeah, sorry if i've waffled on a bit. Don't think i'm well equipped to handle this one on my own though.
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Comments
I know that when I was depressed, I clung onto ex's/people I had flings with like a bad smell. I took break ups badly and became attached to boys who took an interest in me. VERY UNATTRACTIVE. She probably doesn't realise she's doing it, I never did. Its only now when I look back because I'm better and think OH.MY.GOD. Infact, the way I behaved when I was depressed makes me feel ashamed.
All you can do is be there for her but don't be there all the time for her so she becomes attached to you. Spend time with her but don't be always around.
Has your friend got any help for her illness? If not, maybe you should talk to her about getting help?
All you can do is show your friend that you care about them. If she really is depressed though, the best place to go is the doctors.
Thanks again
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s story, she must have been under so much pressure and very depressed. I think it would be generous if you could offer her some help as a friend. Listen to her problems which made her so depressed, be kind, stay calm, and talk to her doctor to see if there is anything you could help with. Here is a link to a article which tells you how to look after your suicidal friend. Sometimes people find it easier to speak to someone they don’t know, so there are many helplines she can talk to which I believe will give great help to get her through this hard stage. Samaritans tel: 08457 909090, their service is available 24 hours a day. Depression Alliance is a charity offering information and self-help groups, their tel: 0845 123 2320. Alternatively you could try Supportline Tel: 020 8554 9004, they give Confidential and emotional support on the telephone.
Hope your friend’s getting better!=)