not sure what to do

Former Member

i found out on friday that i am pregnant. it surpised me a bit (well alot), as i've been using contraception, but with the help of a mate i've found out where i messed up.

i've got a doctors appointment for later today, but i dont really know what im going to ask for, or do. the internet tells me i'm nearly 7 weeks pregnant, so i have no idea whats likely to happen. i admit, im rather naive!

i suppose im just looking for some advice, or experiences that people are willing to share. i've only told two good friends, as i can't face telling my boyfriend yet, i dont think he'd be in the right frame of mind to take it on board what i meant for another couple of weeks yet, for various reasons, and i'd really need him to not freak out i think.

anything that anyone can offer me would be great. i think i just need an unbiased opinion right now.

Former Member

Hey

Sorry to hear you're in this situation at the moment, it must have been quite a shock to you. I haven't had an unplanned pregnancy, lots of people do, and regardless of the outcome, the most important thing is that they made a decision that was right for them, and not anyone else.

I can't stress how valuable this site has been to some people, it provides non-biased, non-judgemental information about all of your options, and gives some exercises to go through.

I don't think you need to justify your decision to not tell your boyfriend straight away. I think if I was in your shoes, I'd need some time to myself to think before getting his input, plus having someone else close to you take on some news like that can be quite overwhelming! It's good that you have some close friends you can trust.

Hope this helps x

Former Member

thanks go_away. that website is really useful.

according to that, i'd probably end up having a surgical abortion, if i was brave enough to go through with it. i just feel a little freaked out at the idea, but in my head, it seems fairer to myself, the baby, and my boyfriend/family to have the abortion rather than keep the baby. but then i'm still confused. i dont think not knowing how long i would have to wait til i knew it was all over helps either, but i supposemy doctor can tell me about that.

Former Member

If your not sure what your going to do you need to talk through all the options with your doctor at the appointment. But I know that they are not always the best placed people to give advice - so if your not happy/clear about what they tell you or don't feel you've been supported - do ensure that you get a second opinion or an appointment elsewhere. Plus don't feel that you need to make any sort of decision right away - this is definately something you shouldn't rush.

However I would advise going to see the doctor as soon as possible because what ever you decide its good to get yourself into the NHS system sooner rather than later.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk any more........

Former Member

You don't need to know what you want to do yet, or want you need to ask the doctor for. Use todays appointment to find out information, get answers to as many questions you have as possible. You may find writing some of them down so you remember what to ask might help. Don't be afraid to write things down while you're talking to the doctor, or ask them to write it down for you. Doctors being as they are, they will probably give you hundreds of leaflets and print outs.

Who you tell is completely up to you, and what you can manage. Most people will say you should tell him at some point but that doesn't mean this minute or even this week.

Don't let anyone (including yourself) pressure you into making rushed decisions, and take the time to get all the answers you need.

I feel it's only fair to warn you some people on these boards have strong opinions about abortions, so if they start ranting try not to take it as a personnal attack or let it upset you.

Former Member

Yes, the waiting can be tough. As you said, your doctor will be able to give you an idea. If you wanted to go ahead with a termination, the time to wait can vary a little. Some GPs have contracts with Marie Stopes and BPAS where you would have all the treatment at a private clinic, but the Health Authority pays for it. Might be worth asking your GP if that's what you want.

A surgical abortion under 14 weeks is a very simple, quick procedure, normally all done within about 10 minutes, and most places will give you the option of different anaesthetic choices - personally, I'd be really scared so I'd go for a general anaesthetic!

Might be worth asking your GP if you can have some counselling, as you still feel a little confused about it all. Well, I say 'counselling' it's not really a psychiatric assessment of any sort, mostly it's an informal chat to help you to think about your decision in a supportive environment.

I think it's good of you to think about the other people who would be affected in all this, but do remember that the choice ultimately lies with you, and how it will effect you matters the most. Hope your doctor's appointment goes well today, they'll be able to give you more information

Former Member

On issues like this i always think go_away is one of the best person to speak to, based on her exposure to pregnant women.

I think before you do anything....i think you need to get your head around this and figure out if you are ready for a pregnancy, child birth and if keeping the baby would be an option. The link above is really good and will walk you through all the steps and issues you need to look at. But i really think you should figure this all out before you tell your bf (who may have a different agenda) and maybe before you see your doctor.

Doctors are sometimes tempted to offer abortions to young girls...even when that option is not best for the girl. So please decide what you want and need in terms of this child before considering abortion.

If you decide that the abortion route is the best for you, the website go_away gave you also has a link to an abortion page which will explain everything to you.

Good luck

Former Member

Scary Monster wrote: »

I feel it's only fair to warn you some people on these boards have strong opinions about abortions, so if they start ranting try not to take it as a personnal attack or let it upset you.

thank you for that. i know its a touchy subject and to be fair, i'm not expecting everyone to agree with that. i've always been sort of against the idea for myself until now. i know deep down that its not the right time for this, i love my life as it is at theminute and dont know if i can give it all up. i'm not ready for a baby by any stretch of the imagination, and neither is my boyfriend. if the option wasn't avalible, i'm sure we'd both give up our lives and our future plans, and our relationship would proably be strong enough to see it through, but i dont think either of us are ready for this.

Former Member

I don't think people really really think about it until they're in that situation themselves, obviously they might think of the politics of it etc, but I really don't think anyone can set a decision in stone until it happens to them. I know lots of women who come to the clinic who say up until they faced an unplanned pregnancy, they were always against the idea, but circumstances and their current place in life made them consider other options. In the most non-patronising way, all credit to you for considering everything carefully, I know I'd be all over the place.

Former Member

I have been in the situation in the last month, so if you want to talk more PM me.