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Look Sally, I know what you're going through. Me and my girlfriend went through it.
We started going out in 2004, it was great. Then next year I cheated on her - I kissed a friend in a moment of stupidity. But I told her straight away, and she didn't trust me for a while, my friend hated me
Then in 2006, Febuary, she made a new friend. This guy. They chatted on MSN and started flirting, small innuendos like "I'm going for a shower now, shame you can't come too" and stuff. I found out. It hurt, but I still trusted her. But she carried on, although initially most of it was from him - he'd hide if I came in the room, or spoke to her on the phone when he was there. An utter cowardly bastard. All the while feeding her lines about his undying love, and about how I was possesive (because I got pissed off he was kissing her. Not once did I tell her not to see him).
She believed him, in her moment of stupidity, he got the emotional leverage he needed and their cheating escalated, I found out and broke it off.
She saw him for all of 2 weeks before she realised what an annoying son of a bitch he was.
We became friends again, somehow. It wasn't even friends at first. We were both just lonely, we'd spent over 2 years together, it's hard to break that. So maybe once a week she'd come to mine, we'd get a takeout and we'd sit and watch a film. Then her dad would come and pick her up.
Then when I went university, she would come visit me, we would get a takeout and watch films on my computer. She had to stay over though, so we shared a bed. Friendly at first, but it evolved into more.
Then when it seemed like it was obvious we both wanted to be together again, we did get back together. That was october, november time and things are going ok.
But I know we needed that time apart. If things had gone differently, then she wouldn't be with me now. If we'd stayed together and I'd have forgiven her that time, she'd never have realised what a twat this other guy was (the scary thing, he's now actually beginning to dress and groom himself like me), and then she'd never have realised she wanted to be with me.
You're in limbo, you know you love your boyfriend, but then, why do you miss this other guy? In a relationship where things are ok, you don't pine for other people. I'm sorry if anyone disagrees, but you just don't. I have moments - literally - where I will remember someone and think 'ahh, that was nice' but that's gone after 5 minutes.
You're both in a mess right now, your boyfriend might not even realise it because you haven't been honest with him (I always believe absolute honesty is the best policy, then you know you never need to be suspicious). Take a break, see your bit on the side if you want, go on holiday and sleep with randoms, do whatever. But if you realise you don't want to, because you only want to be with this one person, and him only, then put all your effort into it. If this other guy asks to meet up, say no. Even if he is 'just a friend', you don't want to risk anything coming between you and your boyfriend.
Best of luck whatever happens, but please, the thing that will hurt most is you just carrying on and trying to bury your head in the sand. You know it's your responsibility, and unfortunately therefore it's you that's got to fix it. Because these things don't go away... heathcliff will come back when he's horny - and you need to be able to say no.