what to do?

Former Member

Well about 6 months ago me and my ex broke up, and since then he has had loads of offers from girls I do like and girls I dont like. I've been trying to get our friendship back on track like it was before we went out, and i've been doing this by advising what to do with the girls that like him (should go out, shouldnt go out).

Well thats all died out abit now, except from one girl: my "best mate". I've had my suspisions that she liked him and also I new that my ex liked her 'cause i was told and he admitted to it.

So the other day I asked her over msn "do you like my ex" and she said no. (which she now denies). But I found out that she was lying to me because she has said stuff like "Oh somethings going to happen with us, I no it!" (this was like a day after she said no to me).

Now my "friend" is none for being a slag, so me and my other friend had a talk with my ex, saying be careful because she has cheated lots of times in thet past. He said that he was going to have a talk with her about how he dosnt want to go any further with her. (he was supose to talk to her last night)

Guess what? He goes out with her and I found out today by a friend. None of them ever thought to tell me or to see if I was ok about it. Well I was really peeved off by this because i thought that atleast my ex would have told me. So I did some investigation of why he didnt tell me, the reason he didnt tell me is because my so-called friend told him that we had a "long convasation" about if I was ok with them going out which we never had!

Now there has been a rumour going around that I went off on a "mardy" when i found out -which i didnt- and that Im not over him -which I am- and loads of people have been saying this, but I dont understand how they got this because i havnt indicated that I went on a "mardy" or that I still like him.

Argh!
What do I do? I've got tests coming up which are important, and I really dont no need this agro. At this time, its really getting me down and its showing in my work.

I dont want my ex getting hurt because he can be very vunerable and I really care for him in a friend way.
Do I ignor all this or try and make me ex see scense?

Former Member

Ok, this might come across as harsh to you, but this is what I think.

You and your ex are no longer together. If you want to be friends with him, that's fine, but I really don't think it's a good idea to be advising him on who he should or shouldn't be going out with, with the best of intentions there, who he chooses to go out with is between him and the other person, not you.

If I were you, I'd leave the two of them to get on with it, it's their business, and I don't see why that should have anything to do with you, even if you think it's right for either of them to see if it's ok with you first. If you had said 'no' do you think they would or should have listened to you? You might not want to see your ex being hurt, but you have no obligation to him, and sometimes it's best to let people make their own mistakes, he might not even want your advice (road to hell, best intentions etc)

Your work is obviously suffering for it, I'd really concentrate on getting that back on track, rather than worrying or working yourself up over this, it's not worth it, in the end, you might get hurt the most out of this.

Former Member

What to do?
Well what do you want?

Yes it's always going to hurt a little if you're friends get with your exes but yo're over him, you're free to go with who you want and so are they. Life's never fair. Maybe the 'lies' are happening because they sense you're not happy about it.
The best you can do for your sake and theirs is wish them well.

Former Member

go_away wrote:

Ok, this might come across as harsh to you, but this is what I think.

You and your ex are no longer together. If you want to be friends with him, that's fine, but I really don't think it's a good idea to be advising him on who he should or shouldn't be going out with, with the best of intentions there, who he chooses to go out with is between him and the other person, not you.

If I were you, I'd leave the two of them to get on with it, it's their business, and I don't see why that should have anything to do with you, even if you think it's right for either of them to see if it's ok with you first. If you had said 'no' do you think they would or should have listened to you? You might not want to see your ex being hurt, but you have no obligation to him, and sometimes it's best to let people make their own mistakes, he might not even want your advice (road to hell, best intentions etc)

Your work is obviously suffering for it, I'd really concentrate on getting that back on track, rather than worrying or working yourself up over this, it's not worth it, in the end, you might get hurt the most out of this.

Your right, i shouldn't have been advising him to do stuff. But when i was advising him to do stuff i still had feelings for him so i thought that if he would go out with a girl it would make it easier for me to get over him, tbh i dont no why i thought that. It was a pretty stupid idea

I am going to leave them to do their business, but she is in most of my classes, and i walk home with my ex. So im going to do my best to go and hang out with different friends and catch up with them.

What to do?
Well what do you want?

Yes it's always going to hurt a little if you're friends get with your exes but yo're over him, you're free to go with who you want and so are they. Life's never fair. Maybe the 'lies' are happening because they sense you're not happy about it.
The best you can do for your sake and theirs is wish them well.

Well I want people to stop spreading rumours that arnt true, but you cant stop people talking cant ya?

Im not happy about it but not in the obvious way, im not happy because he knows that she is a slut but he still goes out with her. But it just hurts that she has been saying these behind my back and denise them and she is suppose to be my friend.

But im going to look on the bright side now.

Thanks x

Former Member

A slut, is someone that likes to have lots of sex with maybe lots of people, yes? Well what's wrong with that and how does it effect you? I thought you were friends, it's not nice to think bad of your friend just because her sexual antics are different to yours.
I know you feel hurt about rumours etc but things always get exaggerated and it seems the rumours you tell of are just emphasised truths. Speak to them about the things they have said, grit your teeth, tell them there's no need to go behind your back, they can be open with you and you will be happy for them. I think it will stop then.
If your ex was just another friend that you had never been involved with, would you really be bothered about him getting with your friend?

Former Member

sorry but i think you're being a bit of a bunny boiler

yes it's going to suck, but it really isn't your place anymore. The best way to deal with it is by cutting off tbh.