Playing hard to get

Former Member

Exciting and important or irritating and a waste of time?

A friend of mine and I were chatting the other day and she said that the reason lots of guys are interested in me but nothing usually happens past the first few dates is that I'm 'too honest about emotions'and get frustrated by game-playing. If I like a guy, I won't hide it. I like flirting and I don't see the point in trying to create some air of mystery and intrigue just to make them frustrated enough to chase me. And similarly, if they're not showing much interest in me, I won't bother following it up because I assume that it'll be a waste of time.

However, my friend thinks if I'm interested in a guy I shouldn't call him for a couple of days and delay replying to texts for a few hours every time I hear from him. Otherwise, apparently, he'll get bored because there's no 'chase'.

Opinions? Do you play hard to get and enjoy it when others do? Or do you think it amounts to childish games and lack of honesty?

Former Member

I think that it isn't so good if you appear too keen but I hate playing games and prefer straight talking and honesty.

Former Member

i dono this issue always confues me because some guys seem to like the attention and want to feel wanted (like most girls do) but then others will get annoyed if you constantly text them and offer yourself on a plate so to speak so i think it depends on the guy
its the same with girls really because i like a guy texting me all the time etc. and being sweet but one of my mates (also a girl) hates that kind of thing so i guess you have to know the guy well enough to know which he prefers.

Former Member

If I were a man and a girl tried to do that I saw it on OC shit with me I'd go find somebody who wasn't a game playing child and leave them in the dust.

Former Member

I haven't done the whole conscious 'don't text him for 5 hours' etc. I often think that it's done by people who have too much time on their hands. I mean, if I'm busy with stuff to do, I might not text a guy for a while, because I haven't been at my phone, not because I've made an effort not to do so - I'd find it exhausting! Don't get me wrong, over-eagerness and being clingy are huge turn offs, but it's finding that suitable balance.

When I met my current boyfriend, we were both pretty keen on each other from the outset, so there was no discomfort in wanting to see each other often etc.

Former Member

People who play hard to get are idiots.

Former Member

my_name wrote:

If I were a man and a girl tried to do that I saw it on OC shit with me I'd go find somebody who wasn't a game playing child and leave them in the dust.

Deliberatley playing hard to get is a sign of arrogance and being up yourself - which IMO is just as much a turn off as being clingy and over keen.

Just be honest and grow up.

Former Member

I like to think I am hard to get*

I admit I am intruiged by men who I can't get hold of all the time, and definitely turned off by the ones who hang around like a bad smell. Of course, you have to be able to get hold of the former at some point, or that's when it starts to get frustrating... not to mention pointless.

*though I probably amn't

Former Member

briggi wrote:

I admit I am intruiged by men who I can't get hold of all the time, and definitely turned off by the ones who hang around like a bad smell. Of course, you have to be able to get hold of the former at some point, or that's when it starts to get frustrating... not to mention pointless.

See I'm quite hard to get hold sometimes cause I don't always reply to texts or phone people back straight away. But that's just down to sheer ignorance (get it from my Dad) rather than playing games or anything.

Former Member

Playing hard to get is kinda like denying that you actually like the person, which is stupid. Being hard to get just means you have a life, and is good, because it means you're interesting. And controlling your feelings somewhat is a good idea in my opinion. It's quite easy to think about them all day, and "have to see them right now" but it can be a turn off if you actually act on these feelings, rather than controlling yourself a bit.

Former Member

It's no good putting on a facade, imo. There is a certain degree of risk involved in playing hard to get as well. 'tis for the gambling type

But you can't appear as if you're obsessed with him/her. Not until you've been for quite a long time in the relationship.

Former Member

I give you my two cents. Of course every opinion might differ:

I hate playing games. This is not roulette or poker.

If there is anything more on-turning than a girl coming up to you, introducing herself and commence in conversation I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I am not the passive type either, but I love it, when girls take the opportunity from time to time themselves.

Nothing more frustrating than playing games.
either I like that girl and I give her the hot-cold treatment and in the end confusing her and ruining my chances
or a girl likes me and does it to me and I forget about it, because she seems inacessible.

Sometimes playing games might work, if you want success just be forward and inviting (beware from being clingy tho).

I admit I am intruiged by men who I can't get hold of all the time, and definitely turned off by the ones who hang around like a bad smell. Of course, you have to be able to get hold of the former at some point, or that's when it starts to get frustrating... not to mention pointless.

This is just, because you wouldn't have a lot of problem to get most men, I reckon

So why not settle for the ones, where it actually makes a difference: Those who are hardly accessible.

Former Member

For me this is the biggest turn off going. A girl playing hard to get does not make me 'enjoy the chase' it makes me hate them...!

Former Member

I much prefer a little hard to get to all in, I think you're friend is right about most people. It keeps things alive and things to look forward to. I don't mean big games but being a little casual at first always seems to work.
However, if you don't want to change then don't. There are other people like you, just not as many but you will find.

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

I much prefer a little hard to get to all in, I think you're friend is right about most people. It keeps things alive and things to look forward to. I don't mean big games but being a little casual at first always seems to work.
However, if you don't want to change then don't. There are other people like you, just not as many but you will find.

Definitely.

I play hard a liiiiiiiiittle. But if I like you, you'll know. Haha. Luckily I'm seeing a lad the now who likes me muchachas so much that I converted him to a Boosh fan, and he's converted me to start reading like a biatch again. Tee hee.

I dunno, it entirely depends on the person but a bit of chase doesn't hurt anyone, honestly.

Former Member

I think generally, if you really like each other, it can be quite fun to play hard to get a bit and not be all over them all of the time (because you know all that is coming eventually). The problem comes when you get people who will do it for fun or attention with someone who genuinely likes them, when they know that they're never going to want to be with that person. And then when the person who's had it done to them comes to their next potential partner, they'll get turned off by this type of behaviour, because they've been rejected in the past. And that's when you end up with two people who really like each other, but never get together because they both assume the other one doesn't like them. So yeah, it can be good, but it can also ruin any chance of a relationship if you do it to the wrong person.

ETA: Oh wow, Uber Poster. That's good innit.

Former Member

If someone doesn't play hard to get at first, I run like the wind!

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

The problem comes when you get people who will do it for fun or attention with someone who genuinely likes them, when they know that they're never going to want to be with that person.

That is the meanest thing ever

I don't like game playing. I find it very hard to tell whether someone likes me in any case and tend to assume he doesn't unless he makes it blindingly obvious, so anything that introduces doubt into the equation is just going to make me think he's not interested. On the other hand I probably come across as playing hard to get a lot of the time because I don't respond to flirting or whatever, but that's because I don't realise the guy is flirting rather than because I'm trying to play games. I've been single for a very long time so from that I can assume that guys don't like game playing either.

Former Member

wildchild wrote:

That is the meanest thing ever

Not really. It's not like they make a conscious effort to do it. It's more like just being naturally flirty when they're around (which some people just are) but not responding to any 'moves' the other person might make, because you genuinely aren't interested in them in that way. It's not a case of knowing the other person likes you and flirting anyway, it's just a case of mixed signals. And if someone's had that in the past, they might not 'get' your playing hard to get when you genuinely like them (because it's just the same as before, right) and you might just see them as not interested in you because they aren't responding to you playing hard to get.

Former Member

I find it hard enough figuring out if they like me, never mind them playing hard to get. I want them to make it clear they like me without going over the top. Otherwise I'll think they're not interested and move on.

Former Member

Rachael wrote:

I think that it isn't so good if you appear too keen but I hate playing games and prefer straight talking and honesty.

Me too, people have played games with me before. To be fair I just walk away now, or play them back.

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

Not really. It's not like they make a conscious effort to do it.

Oh, I thought you meant when it is a conscious effort, when they know you like them and they enjoy the attention they get from you if they flirt with you, but then they back off for a bit because they're not really interested in you. So they're playing games with you, but rather than it simply being playing hard to get because they want to attract you, it's playing hard to get because you never are going to get them. You agree that's mean, right?

Former Member

heyaaa,i totally see ur point! im so sick of dating guys who play hard to get, not that they r hard to get!! i think you should be honest with guys about ur feelings...n they should be about theirs...but xperience has taught me that if you show too much emotion, n text or call all the time they'll probs run off! but showing your interest isn't bad at all hey?