Starting to resent my best mate

Former Member

because shes just started wearing alot more makup then normal and she looks REALLY pretty and does her makup really well and it makes me feel down because i feel rubbish in comparison to her and im starting to resent her for it as it makes me feel that no guys will want me when im with her
i really don't want to dislike her but i don't know how not to?!

Former Member

does she know about this?
why feel bad in comparison?

Former Member

no she doesnt know
just because i feel like i look rubbish in comparison to her like all the guys would rather go out with her than me
i dont want to start wearing loads of makeup because i know i will start to rely on it and wont be able to go out without it (because im like that) but then at the same time i want to wear it so i feel good about myself
i dont want to stop her being pretty because of me

**helen**

Hi playdead,
It's not unusual to feel inferior standing next to stunning mates, but when jealousy starts to bear it's ugly head, as your post suggests, it's time to do something about it.

Nothing will change the fact that your friend looks pretty, and as you have said yourself, you don't want to change that - you're happy for her. However, it's clearly causing you some distress as it sounds like you don't think too highly of your own appearance. So probably, the best thing is to channel your energies into improving this situation, and to just accept that your friend may have already got this right (or maybe she hasn't - remember it's all down to personal opinion).

Anyway turning to you, it's worth noting that there are some really good make-up products out there that can significantly enhance your appearance without looking like you've bought out the whole of boot's make-up counter. Consider subtle products such as tinted moisturiser, mascara and subtle lip colours or gloss. You may also benefit from speaking to a consultant about various products.

It's also worth investing in a really good haircut or new style, as this can make more of an impact than any amount of make-up.

Finally, the guy thing. It's a classic irrational worry that more guys/or girls will be impressed by our friends' looks than our own. Unfortunately, unless you are identical twins, there's always the chance that might happen. But it's worth remembering that to an extent, most of those guys will probably never actually get to know the real person and just admire from a far. No doubt there's guys that admire you too - but the point is, it's not the kind of thing we necessarily even know about - in the grand scheme of things it's our personalities that make the difference in the relationships that matter.

Former Member

can you not speak to her+say how she always looks lovely, can she help you to do your make-up like hers....only not quite as much of it. that way..when you go out together, i.e. to the pub, you can look lurvely yourself? she may have some brill techniques for chosing+applying her make-up that you could apply to yourself.

Former Member

yeh as sugar mouse said, you should use it as a friend-bonding experience. you could dress up togehter and let her do your make up before you go out. i know that me and my friends all ask each other to do bits of make up or hair styling when we get ready together.

Former Member

**Helen** wrote:

Finally, the guy thing. It's a classic irrational worry that more guys/or girls will be impressed by our friends' looks than our own. Unfortunately, unless you are identical twins, there's always the chance that might happen. But it's worth remembering that to an extent, most of those guys will probably never actually get to know the real person and just admire from a far. No doubt there's guys that admire you too - but the point is, it's not the kind of thing we necessarily even know about - in the grand scheme of things it's our personalities that make the difference in the relationships that matter.

:yes: While your friend may turn more heads in a club, or get more guys approaching her, a lot of the best relationships come from people already in your social circle, because they're based on you getting to know the person first. A lot of guys out there will go out with a girl just because she's good looking, even sometimes to the point of 'putting up' with her, because he thinks she's hot (yes, I've seen it happen). Whilst a really attractive girl will generally have more opportunities with guys, she will often also find it harder to find the one's who genuinely like her for her, rather than just wanting to get into her pants.

I think you just need to focus on yourself, rather than comparing yourself to others. When you have confidence in yourself, people will want to get to know you, and be with you, because they like your personality, as well as finding you attractive. Do you think someone in a happy relationship envies a friend who happens to get more attention when they go out? Maybe a little bit, sometimes, but generally speaking I don't think they'd trade places. I have friends that aren't the most attractive girls in the world, yet they've had a few really good long-term relationships, and have never had any trouble finding a new relationship when the previous one didn't work out. And it's because they are happy, positive people who know they have a great personality that will make someone want to be with them.

Let's say you go to a party. If a really attractive girl sits in the corner quietly, chances are she'll get a guy approach her. If a less attractive girl does the same, then she might not. However, if you are proactive, positive and confident in yourself, then people will talk to you no matter what you look like, and that's when they get to know you and you'll get the odd person who's genuinely attracted to you.

Former Member

Oh, this takes me back.

Between the ages of 13 and 15/16, I had a particular girl as my best friend. I felt incredibly inferior next to her, as she was slim, blonde and pretty. She didn't really help matters by reminding me quite frequently that she weighed less, talking about all these boys she was fighting off with a stick (although to be fair, she really was) and flirting with my boyfriend all the time. I spent a rather long time feeling miserable.
We eventually drifted apart, as friendship groups change, and I didn't see her after we left school until my 21st birthday. Just by coincidence, she turned up in the pub where I was celebrating. I had a new boyfriend at the time, who I'd met at Uni, and as she was stood at the bar, I asked him what he thought of her. He glanced in her direction, looked back at me and said "Hmm, she's a bit butch, isn't she?".
I hadn't really thought about her and how I'd felt about the whole situation for a few years, and it was really interesting seeing her from someone elses perspective, as I'd never discussed it with anyone before. I realised that my feelings about her all came out of my insecurities, and that her put downs and making me feel bad all came out of her insecurities.
I think what I'm trying to say is that it is easy to get caught up in a 'she is much prettier, skinnier, more attractive to boys' type of jealousy with best friends, but that that ultimately, different people like different looks. My best friend did have a lot of attention from boys, but it was because she had the confidence to flirt a lot with them, not because she was necessarily 'more attractive' than me.

Former Member

wow..it's great to see that i wasn't alone in the 'im so ugly' phase in my life! iwent through it right up til uni though! wen i was 13 i had a best friend who was (and stil is!) gorgeous..but she was a total bitch n loved putting me down.where we're from bigger girls are loved n adored n petite 'boobless' girls like me..well...we weren't really noticed..that's how i felt anyways. the situation didnt get any better when i moved to uni and the people i hung out with here were model look alikes (they really are!) and guys were all over them..i was honestly ignored..and my self confidence just sank at one point.
then i realised that i didnt like the way i dressed so gradually i started dressing the way i wanted to...wearing a lil make up (eye liner n mascara..thats it!) and got a shorter smart haircut and.... walla!...i didn't even care abt the guys anymore..i just felt good! n it did get me a lot of attention...not the look...but my new found confidence!..my model look alike friends actually come to me for advice on what to wear now!

..it just shows..be happy inthe skin you're in...and if you want to wear a lil makeup then go for it...jus do what you feel is right...you won't be superficial or anything..it never hurts to try if you want to enhance your already beautiful features!

Former Member

playdead wrote:

because shes just started wearing alot more makup then normal and she looks REALLY pretty and does her makup really well and it makes me feel down because i feel rubbish in comparison to her and im starting to resent her for it as it makes me feel that no guys will want me when im with her
i really don't want to dislike her but i don't know how not to?!

oh the sweet sweet jealousy.

Get a grip girl, it's not all about that. definitely not a reason to resent her, just because she's got it.