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Moving in with your other half...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and my boyfriend have been together for just under a year, although we've known each other about 4/5 years. We're both still living at home, and we've both been chatting about moving out... now, he's asked us to move in together. I said yes - and I know that I really do want to! But a teeny little bit of me is scared it will get super serious and I'm not sure if I want our relationship to change. Like, we get on really well, we have a laugh, I know he thinks the world of me and vice versa... but I'm scared that will change once we move in together and things will become scary serious.
All I'm looking for, really, is other people's stories of moving in with their boy/girlfirnds and how it changed your relationship - if it did at all!
All I'm looking for, really, is other people's stories of moving in with their boy/girlfirnds and how it changed your relationship - if it did at all!
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That was.. err.. about 4 years ago.
Can't say it changed our relationship drastically. I suppose it depends how easy going you are really. You never know your other half's annoying habits until you've lived together.
For the record, my current pet hates are..
Ripping the bread bags open rather than undoing the tags.
Putting the odd bit of rubbish in the sink with the washing up.
Leaving cupboard doors open.
Putting throws and rugs.. EVERYWHERE.
Although it all evens out with me leaving clothes on the floor etc. etc.
My own advice is do it. It's pretty exciting and if it all goes sour you can just bugger off back out.
Just don't go halves on anything too expensive! Makes life simpler after if you have to divide up the booty in the event of relationship meltdown.
Good advice. I live(d) with my boyfriend, we broke up. All the kitchen stuff is mine, all the electricals (tv, vcr, freeview box, microwave etc.) are mine, he has nothing.
I would say don't neglect your life outside of your realtionship-its easy to do when you think all you really want is right there in the format of your boyfriend. Also, don't forget to still do special things together. We didn't do as much together as we were together much more, if that makes sense. Spending a lot of time together doing nothing, which is no replacement for proper time together.
Actually - thats a very valid point. It's oh so very easy to suddenly find all your mates don't call you anymore because you've been tucked up in your love nest for the past 6 months doing your own thing.
Get a good balance between going out with your friends and spending 'quality time' with your boyfriend - and by quality time I mean something exciting not daily hum-drum activities.
If you can strike that balance right - everything should be peachy!
I'd say some of the same things that the others have said.
Dont take each other for granted - make sure you still go out to do things and have special time
Dont forget to go out with your friends and have time seperate from each other. (have time seperate from each other at home too actually e.g. go in different rooms and do something different, you dont have to spend 24/7 together)
Work out a good division of paying for stuff and of doing chores and things - i think these things lead to the most arguments.
and mostly dont be afraid of saying if its not working, it doesnt mean you have to break up, you might just need more time living seperate.
It's a big step, but it doesn't have to become the big, scary thing that a lot of people make of it. When my fella and I moved in together a couple of months ago I had a few "I'm moving in WITH A BOY" moments of terror, but it's the best thing I ever did. Admittedly it's not all plain sailing and I definitely found the sheen wore off a little after a few weeks when the boxers started appearing on the floor and the piles of unwashed cereal bowls started to accumulate in the kitchen but generally he's very good and we're very straight with one another about what we're willing to do chore-wise and try to be very sensible financially so there haven't been any rows of that variety yet. I generally prefer the company of men (oo-er) anyway so I find we are more compatible living together than I was with my various female housemates over the years at uni, and there's something really lovely about going to bed together at night. Now if only we could get rid of our freeloading "lodger" everything would be perfect
From what I know you get on famously with your Dad anyway, so it isn't as if you wouldn't have a little retreat as and when you needed a night of "me" time... the same going for him. Since he's lived away from home before he will have a little more experience of it, but obviously it wasn't in the context of living with his lass so it's a new adventure for both of you which I think is probably advantageous as long as you seek advice (which you are). As long as you're realistic financially and don't feel any fear of being straight about money, housework etc because of ruining the atmosphere between you... well then I'd say you'll be fine.
I'm sure in your heart you already know what you want to do, but it never hurts to get second, third and twentieth opinions. It's definitely a case of nothing ventured, nothing gained. In one person's opinion, anyway
With my boyfriend, we lived together for a year prior to becoming a couple, never once got on eachothers nerves and basically lived in eachothers pockets. So when we became a couple it was no different- just more intimacy and sharing eachothers beds. We basically do spend all our time together apart from when he goes to uni or when we go out with seperate friends. Take turns cooking, eat together, sleep together, watch tv together. Its not a problem for us (so far...) but would be for others.
I think its important when you live together to have your own room if needed, if you need space or "me time" you can retreat there. Its peace of mind to me to know that i can lock myself in my room if im feeling upset or want to be away from him for a while- though i havent needed to do this yet. I also think its important to have your own seperate social lives some of the time.
I moved in with my boyfriend when I was 16, way too young but I seemed to do quite well independently. I like the point about not neglecting your friends, I did this unintentionally. Thankfully they were all there for me when it went wrong. Moving in together is really exciting. I remember buying loads of stuff for my flat from multi-coloured candles to a Snoopy poster for the kitchen. You can really make it your own.
I don't do anything differently, she doesn't do anything differently, and it isn't as big a step as people try and make out.
As for bills, take everything out in joint names, and open a joint account. Don't pay salaries into the joint account, but work out how much you need for your rent and your bills, and transfer enough across from your current account. It means you are both responsible for the debt, and if you split it means that one of you can't do a runner from the lot. Don't take on joint-name debt though until you are very much a couple that is going the distance.
independance can be very important to some people, and it maybe better to split the bills roughly in half but pay cash rather than putting your name to a contract.
i have been living with my boyfriend for about 2 years now. he even moved up here to be with me when i started at university. we still feel the same about each other and its the best thing we have done. but we did wait a while about a year and a half till we moved in together.
of course you have silly fights over washing up or money worrys but if you can handle that you will be fine.
yes its scary but its worth it.