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Damaged beyond repair?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm a bit worried because my social skills are pretty much non-existant. I never really thought of them as important but I've tried to be more talkative at work and I'm starting to realise how important they are. I find it painfully difficult to even make small talk and I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to reverse the damage.
I was very isolated during my teenage years and I barely spoke to anyone. It's become the default position for me but the loneliness is starting to get me (the depression/mood swings). I've tried practicing but people aren't very patient and I think I come across as really stupid and maybe damaged aswell. I can't seem to find the right words.
My hearing doesn't help either. Although, I'm not sure if I actually have a hearing problem. It's kind of weird.
I dunno. I'm just thinking out loud I guess but I would appreciate any advice/thoughts.
I was very isolated during my teenage years and I barely spoke to anyone. It's become the default position for me but the loneliness is starting to get me (the depression/mood swings). I've tried practicing but people aren't very patient and I think I come across as really stupid and maybe damaged aswell. I can't seem to find the right words.
My hearing doesn't help either. Although, I'm not sure if I actually have a hearing problem. It's kind of weird.
I dunno. I'm just thinking out loud I guess but I would appreciate any advice/thoughts.
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Comments
a lot of confidance is about acting.
I do often ask people to repeat themselves and there are times when I just nod and pretend that I've heard them. I've noticed I tend to watch peoples lips as they speak. It seems that unless I have my full attention on them then I do miss things.
I'm not sure if it's a hearing problem or a anxiety problem because my hearing problems seem less frequent with family members and friends.
getting out into real life, making yourself be around people, even if you don't feel that comfortable about it at first, i think would help you no end, its about leaning with experience to get used to situations that you would otherwise find uncomfortable and becoming comfortable in them, becoming comfortable with a situation like that allows you to develop. and everything else will follow. your social skills will improve. but you need to make the effort YOURSELF, and help yourself. nobody can do that for you. a counsellor cant do that for you. counselling sits you in a room with a person, focusing on your problem and talking about your problem not really doing anything active to defeat the problem.
It didn't help me much. My confidence and self-esteem has been completely demolished over the years and its pretty hard to build something up when the foundation isn't there. Not only that, people don't appreciate being practiced on and I'm basically starting from stratch so at the moment going into those situations causes more harm than good.
You need to have faith in yourself, be careful to mark down on paper or mentally whenever you get some success in social situations. DO NOT focus on when you make mistakes because then you will subconciously reinforce your idea that you are shit at it.
Councelling basically taught me that I was blowing the negative stuff out of proportion and later on I picked it up on my own to start focusing on the positive stuff (I wrote a diary of positivity). It worked wonders. Even if I am not the best socially I am now so amazingly happy in my own skin. I honestly didn't know it was possible! It makes everything so much easier.
You are NOT a victim of fate. You can change things in your favor IF (and that's a big if) you are willing to work at it. It's bloody hard work, no one will be able to tell you otherwise, but well worth it. I doubt I'd appreciate what I have so much if I didn't need to go through what I did to get where I am now!