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Damaged beyond repair?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm a bit worried because my social skills are pretty much non-existant. I never really thought of them as important but I've tried to be more talkative at work and I'm starting to realise how important they are. I find it painfully difficult to even make small talk and I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to reverse the damage.

I was very isolated during my teenage years and I barely spoke to anyone. It's become the default position for me but the loneliness is starting to get me (the depression/mood swings). I've tried practicing but people aren't very patient and I think I come across as really stupid and maybe damaged aswell. I can't seem to find the right words.

My hearing doesn't help either. Although, I'm not sure if I actually have a hearing problem. It's kind of weird.

I dunno. I'm just thinking out loud I guess but I would appreciate any advice/thoughts.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think anyone is ever beyond gaining confidence.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're beyond repair. You come across, on here, as a really nice peep.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lifeless wrote:
    My hearing doesn't help either. Although, I'm not sure if I actually have a hearing problem.
    could you get it checked out?

    a lot of confidance is about acting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've thought about it. But I'm not sure I have a problem. I can hear sounds pretty well and usually hear things others don't but sometimes when people talk to me I miss some of the things they say.

    I do often ask people to repeat themselves and there are times when I just nod and pretend that I've heard them. I've noticed I tend to watch peoples lips as they speak. It seems that unless I have my full attention on them then I do miss things.

    I'm not sure if it's a hearing problem or a anxiety problem because my hearing problems seem less frequent with family members and friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't think you're hearing things properly then maybe go and chat with your GP, they can arrange a hearing test if they think it's needed. It may you're not 'hearing' because you're simply not listening properly if you're shy around other people, mind too busy worrying to think about listening!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have similar problems, if you feel like you really really need to get help about it then go to your gp and they can give you advice, when i went and gave them a description they immediately said that sounded like Social Amxiety which i much more complex than it sounds, I orginally thought that it was just something that little kids and get over it as they grow up but when you look up on the internet you can get a description and discover that it is an actual condition. They referred me to a counsellor straight away whihc i start this week, but we have yet to see it helps. Hope this is useful, good luck! x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TreeSpirit wrote:
    They referred me to a counsellor straight away whihc i start this week, but we have yet to see it helps. Hope this is useful, good luck! x
    tbh i think people rely on counselling to much as a cure - all for their problems.
    getting out into real life, making yourself be around people, even if you don't feel that comfortable about it at first, i think would help you no end, its about leaning with experience to get used to situations that you would otherwise find uncomfortable and becoming comfortable in them, becoming comfortable with a situation like that allows you to develop. and everything else will follow. your social skills will improve. but you need to make the effort YOURSELF, and help yourself. nobody can do that for you. a counsellor cant do that for you. counselling sits you in a room with a person, focusing on your problem and talking about your problem not really doing anything active to defeat the problem.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I saw a counselor last year for my depression. She said I had Social Anxiety but she didn't go into it much because she was more focused on my depression. She basically told me about getting out of comfort zones and exposing myself to uncomfortable situations.

    It didn't help me much. My confidence and self-esteem has been completely demolished over the years and its pretty hard to build something up when the foundation isn't there. Not only that, people don't appreciate being practiced on and I'm basically starting from stratch so at the moment going into those situations causes more harm than good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wrecked my social skills as a teen but am proud to say that I am well on my way to regaining them. It's taken a long time and I will need to keep at it for a while longer but I can now interact much better in social situations and am growing closer to people much more easily.

    You need to have faith in yourself, be careful to mark down on paper or mentally whenever you get some success in social situations. DO NOT focus on when you make mistakes because then you will subconciously reinforce your idea that you are shit at it.

    Councelling basically taught me that I was blowing the negative stuff out of proportion and later on I picked it up on my own to start focusing on the positive stuff (I wrote a diary of positivity). It worked wonders. Even if I am not the best socially I am now so amazingly happy in my own skin. I honestly didn't know it was possible! It makes everything so much easier.

    You are NOT a victim of fate. You can change things in your favor IF (and that's a big if) you are willing to work at it. It's bloody hard work, no one will be able to tell you otherwise, but well worth it. I doubt I'd appreciate what I have so much if I didn't need to go through what I did to get where I am now!
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