seeing 'first love' ex again for the first time in months

Former Member

not sure if i need any response to this,its very long so i apologise. just need to vent really clear my head.

fell in love stupidly with this boy over summer, got all complicated towards the end but in early september i decided to end it properly for 'closure' as he was off to uni. i said a tearful goodbye and have cried every single day since then.
i was sort of accepting its over though, although i was crying i hadnt seen him in so long( well, long for me!) so i thought maybe id put him on a pedastool over time and it was just time to get over it.

on saturday though, id planned to have his brother( who im mates with) and his mates ( who i made friends with thru him) over to mine for a bit of a session.
got a call from the brother though saying they were a bit pissed and could i go over there. no problem, i say. oh, and 'X' is here as well down from uni, that ok? i said, yeah fine.
then i cried and was all shakey for about half an hour, the shock that id be seeing him again.

we all had a blaze and X wasnt too chatty to me, probably because we were a bit monged out and it was infront of everyone.
he went to bed, and i sat there, gutted. looking around the room like, this is where we cuddled/shagged/talked etc. it was so weird being there again.

then i get a text: 'come upstairs'. heart pounding i go into his bedroom, all dark, take off my shoes and get into bed with him. we layed there and talked for ages just catching up like old times.
then we were facing eachother so close and my heart was going- and you know when you just touch someone and it literally feels like electricity? i just wanted him to kiss me so much. then he gently touched my face and we kissed ... i was just like 'i cant believe im here again'.
got a bit horny and no sex cos i was on (DAMMMMIIITTT!!!) but we did other stuff..
that night i slept in his arms like we used to. in the morning i said goodbye to him at the door, and off he goes to uni again.

this has just fucked up my head so much.. i wasnt over him but i was in the acceptance stage, had closure after 2 months.
now i see him again and im on a high even now, so happy after spending just one more night with him. we're not keeping in contact, it was just a one night thing, but now in my head im like 'he'l be down for christmas i can wait til then'; then 'he'l be down all summer i can wait til then'... its unhealthy to think like this i know, but i dont think il ever get over him as il just be looking forward to the next time i see him, even if its only for a few hours.

has anyone else just felt completely fucked up after seeing their ex for the first time, who theyre REALLY not over?
thanks if anyone read to the end sorry its long x

Former Member

i think what you're feeling is totally normal, but you've got to be strong and try to remember why you split up with him in the first place. He's off at uni, so it sounds like things between you really wouldnt work.
think of it this way; while you're pinning all your hopes on him+spending time daydreaming about him, he's probably off out at uni,getting pissed+pulling other women. do you really want to be just a physical thing to him??

Former Member

That must be really hard for you... I saw one of my ex's after months that I wasn't over at all, and she was with someone else at the time which hurt even worse.
I know you don't wanna hear this and it's so hard to do but you HAVE to try your hardest to just forget about him, go out with your mates, have a good time and try and find another bloke for your own sanity. Just keep occupied.
Good luck! :thumb:

Former Member

sugar_mouse wrote:

think of it this way; while you're pinning all your hopes on him+spending time daydreaming about him, he's probably off out at uni,getting pissed+pulling other women. do you really want to be just a physical thing to him??

im getting pissed and high as a kite and pulling other blokes though... it doesnt necessarily mean anything. its just sex and a good time,which im enjoying and which hes enjoying at uni. id want to do that if i had to go uni, which is why i made sure we broke up.
but what about AFTER uni? uni is only 3 years.... and il still know him by then because im such good mates with his brother.
i know this is unhealthy thinking as ive said but i cant help thinking its meant to be, and it stops me from crying every day as well if i think about the future.

Former Member

pill 'ed wrote:

: it's so hard to do but you HAVE to try your hardest to just forget about him, go out with your mates, have a good time and try and find another bloke for your own sanity. Just keep occupied.
Good luck! :thumb:

well i have got another bloke really, hes lovely but i duno he really is just to help me get over X which is wrong. i was trying to get over him but i know he'll just keep cropping up every few months which will always leave me on a high..
grrrrrrrrr:crying:
thanks for the advice tho both of u

Former Member

This made me really upset just reading it. I hope you're okay. I send you a big internet style hug. Not sure what to say but you won't feel this bad forever.

Former Member

have you considered just not seeing him next time he comes down from uni? just dont see him face to face, and hopefully when he has finished uni in 3yrs time you will be over him then.

Former Member

Yep, and when he does come back from Uni, then MAYBE you can try and give it another go then if you both still want to but seriously for now you got to forget about him, and yes I agree with sugar mouse that it might be a good idea to try and not see him when he comes down...cos you can't spent every day for 3 years in that much pain, it will drive you insane

Former Member

aww thanks alot rachael that was really nice of u to say that.

suagr mouse and pill'ed, my little agony aunts of the night youve given me so much advice considerin i only posted this thread couple of hours ago!
what you both say is of course true.
but theres no way in hell id miss the chance of seeing him again. i cant wait, its what i look forward to. it actually makes me happy planning it out- im getting a haircut im buying new clothes etc.. they say that breaking contact works, but for 2 months ive been more miserable than ever, so it doesnt really.
and the thing is i WANT to see him again. its like when you give up cigarettes- you have to want to give up really, if you dont then it wont happen.
il stop writing now, and reading this back i look like an absolute psycho but ah well thats the way it is. cheers again.

Former Member

No problem I know how much Love can hurt...
You don't sound like a psycho at all, I can see where you're coming from, I've had it when I'm completely obsessed with a girl who just doesn't feel the same way and I still get all excited whenever I know I'm going to see her and sit at home all depressed thinking about her.
It's totally natural and I see what you mean about having to want to... but you gotta think about yourself and what it's doing to you...however at the end of the day, the choice is yours and I'm sure you'll do the right thing by you, and always remember that although it doesn't seem like it will right now, the pain WILL go away in time.

Former Member

Wow, I split up from my first love last summer and I've been dreading seeing him again... especially as I'm now with the guy he always suspected me cheating on him with (not that i did, just to put the record straight). I think it might be a good idea for you to get some distance for a little while until you have figured out what you really want. I hope it works out for you, chin up

Former Member

The grass is always greener, huh Sian?

I wish I could be back in the days getting high with my mates. Sounds stupid, but the dudes I used to get high were not only very friendly and reliable, the were benevolent and generous and now I just don't see them anymore

they were nothing but just "druggy-friends"... so careless *sigh*

Sounds like we two have a lot in common, since I hang after my girls a loooooong time too, and have a hard time getting over someone.

I am not giving advice, because I know how fucking hard it is, but in my humble opinion it's the best to get over him, because this on and off "waiting for someone" is not just fucking with your head, no, it prevents you from open your eyes and meet other interesting people.

Former Member

I'm really lucky, when I split with my first love he went back to his home town after. So I never saw him again.

Former Member

I know this one exactly. In fact my best friend im in love with. I love him but i didn't really want him. Anyway we were around each other solidly for 6-mths and then i got a bf, he got v jealous of the bf refused to say his name, then we split up. He got a gf who lived abroad, i was yeah go for it (secretly knowing she''d go home in 3 mths). I met her, hated her for takign him away from me. I met her again, he was happy she made a real effort and i like her much to my hate, we started to hang out. Although im jealous we've both moved on. Truely admit i love the boy but i dont want him,not liek that, i just dont like him not being mine as and when i want, selfish i know! Him and the gf are still together, and im happy. I have a bf now who i love and its all cool. He still never admits i have a bf and we just dont talk about stuff! Anyway movign on and time apart helps. What also helps is seeing him every now and again and still gettign a cuddle which is better than anyone elses and a kiss on the head, whisper in the ear going 'i love you/think the world of you/Miss you'. That makes me happy!!! Kitts xx