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Caring about what other people think
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Does this ever get easier?
I seem to spend a stupid amount of time worrying about what other folk think of me. Is it a confidence thing? Can you just stop caring?
I worry far too much about people not liking me, which I (think) is daft because I'm fairly inoffensive. I worry that I'm too loud or obnoxious when really I'm incredibly quiet and mild mannered.
Sorry, just brain farting really
I seem to spend a stupid amount of time worrying about what other folk think of me. Is it a confidence thing? Can you just stop caring?
I worry far too much about people not liking me, which I (think) is daft because I'm fairly inoffensive. I worry that I'm too loud or obnoxious when really I'm incredibly quiet and mild mannered.
Sorry, just brain farting really
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
It might be a confidence thing. You'd have a better time if you stopped worrying.
As long as you know what people really think, and don't just invent it in you head to torture yourself.
I've learned to love my little quirks, and I still get moments where I go "Ahhh fuck, what if people think I'm just silly?", but if you get more confident in yourself then it does get easier.
Because I'm not totally convinced that I'm not a loud obnoxious twat, I can't stop worrying about being one.
But I'm not sure that I'm not just projecting people thinking I'm a loud obnoxious twat because I don't really like myself.
Jesus fuck, this is complicated
ETA: Thanks for the replies.
I guess I really need more confidence in myself. Hmmmmm. And I need to worry less.
At times I don't care at all what other people think, but then again I am reliant what other peoples think, because you need to adapt your appearence/mindset/etc so people notice you etc...
This is all pretty generally seen and clumsily phrased
I actually care a lot what people think of me, even if I am neither dependant of the person, nor is it important that I really appreciate the person or smth.
I remember back when lipsy called me a perv sometime in summer, I sure threw a tantrum back then (and took it immensly to heart).
I like you, but if you start with all the flashing heart shit i will have to kill you both.
Damn right you won't
As kaff says, you need to base your decisions on genuine facts. What do real people think of you? Then you need to work out whether their opinion is worth a flying fuck- if your girlfriend says something I'd sit up and take notice, but if some stupid cunt at work says something then it means nothing.
It is a confidence thing, having the confidence in yourself to tune out the losers, and only listen to the opinions that count. Having the confidence to know who counts, and to trust your judgement, and to trust their judgement. It takes confidence to listen to the stuff from the good people and to ignore the stuff from the losers and the freaks.
There are several people at my work who make no secret of the fact that they seriously dislike me- well, fuck em, they mean nothing to me. There are some people on here who make no effort to hide the fact that they don't like me- fuck them too, they're nothing. But if my good friends started saying hey, you're being wrong on this, I'd sit back and listen.
It does take time, but I think your missus has pretty much said it all.
Remember aswell though, I think a little bit of insecurity can be healthy, because it keeps us all grounded and stops us from becoming one of the aformentioned loudmouthed obnoxious twats, y'know?
Just keep working at it, and it'll come, honestly :yes:
I guess I'm just going to have to get some confidence somehow.
Bri, your right, I'd rather be a tiny bit doubtful of myself than an arrogant cock.
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Thing is though, if people worry too much about what people think, the natural reaction is to go back into their shell and not say a word. Then people will probably just be ambivolent to them, and I'd hate that more than anything.
I'e got a long line of ex girlfreinds who probably think I'm silly, and it does get to me because I was myself in every relationship I've been in, and it's not a nice thought to think that people see the real me, and think I'm daft or whatever.
But it's just a matter of bouncing back if you get a knock like that, and I've learned that for every person who doesn't like me for me then there's gonna be whoever else who thinks I'm an alright boy to be around, and I'm happy enough in myself to think like that.
It takes time, and you do get moments of doubt along the way, but it really is just a matter of building yourself up and surrounding yourself with the right people, who want to be around you.
And if you don't agree with that, then don't blame me, it's the white wine talking.
The problem comes when you are listening to, or trying to impress the wrong people in the wrong ways. For example, for my final year film at uni, the opinions of the other film students, actors and lecturers was much more important to me than the opinion of my parents. Because these people are better positioned to appreciate anything I did well, and criticise anything I needed to improve.
The main problem occurs when people care what people think, when really they shouldn't. Like caring what strangers think. But the worst is when you care what someone think, who obviously doesn't care about you, despite them claiming to be your friend or partner. That's something my ex went through a lot in school, and she's now one of those people who's constantly worried about people not liking her, and people talking behind her back (he says, behind her back on a public forum). And it's hard to make that switch when they've been someone whose opinion you've valued, to not giving a shit what they think (which obviously you shouldn't because they don't care about you).
I am not the worst case scenario, since I made a bunch of dude friends in university after just 2 weeks and - even tho I don't see myself as that - I am in some kind of "leader" position. This sounds incredibly stupid, not like I "abuse" this "position"... Just.. you know. I entertain them with the wits, I have a lot of convos with every single of them and when I have a idea or suggestion, it's mostly agreed on.
My real weakness are the girls. I have talked to a few and it's really easy, if I am not attracted to them. But there are a few I think are really cute, and - alas - haven't spoke to any of them
I make friends easily, and every girl who was ever interested in me, did at least have a lot of convos with me/went out with me/knew me for some time, etc. because - as arrogant as this sounds - my valueable goods are clearly on the inside.
Since I cannot project how I am - as opposed to WHO I am - on a wall and show everyone, I try to dress/style/strike out in any other way in different kinds to get the attention somehow of one, but how can I expect someone to approach me if I can't do it myself
fuck, as many hits as my self-esteem already took, I know I am worthy boy-friend material (and people knew and pointed out in the past too), but it's the spark that's missing to ignite the fuse.
sorry for the shit-wreck of post derailing this thread
i have become moderately sensitive to all this but there's nobody's opinion i respect, it's such a shame that i have to hear it and part of my act is to show care to what they say.
when i have my way, people will be oppressed and i wont have to listen to their rubbish opinions, unless it's something i agree with. even then i wouldn't go about begining to 'like' somebody they'll never have achieved what i have. that said i appreciate it's hard to not get consumed by the feelings of others if you set yourself out as a listener and someone who cares. i can't say listening to others was ever a part of any growth i've done. don't listen unless they impress you. it'll just demote yourself to a follower and you'll loose the initiative to grow.
do things your way and you'll unlock huge potential in your mind.
i think one can be marked out as a 'listener' when they feel they've done all the growth that they can possibly do and are prepared to listen to someone else. i adopted 'listening' to demonstrate to idiot insecure teenagers i hung around with to demonstrate how being grown up was my neiche. as soon as i started that role, i never got out and people think less of me.