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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello, My name is Killing, and I'm addicted to Methamphetamine, again.

If you all remember, I decided to put down the drugs a while back. I put everything drug related into a bag and threw it out! Speed, some opiates, pipes, an array of other pills, even all my tobacco! I was determined!
I stayed clean for a pretty long time... I fell through once, and ended up 'snuffing some meth and then IVing some more. I've always had a problem with methamphetamine... Two summers ago I was heavily addicted...
Well I found myself the next morning, and pulled myself back together, I managed to stay clean again for a while... Until...
I've been diagnosed with ADD. Been medicated since 2nd grade. My precription was up to 30mgs of Dexedrine(d-amp) two times a day. It caused some pretty serious depression, so I asked the doctor to switch me. We tried everything, strattera, wellbutrin, provigil, adderall (again), Concerta/ritalin (again)... Nothing worked. He brought up Desoxyn. I was in shock! At first I was thrilled! Desoxyephedrine! METHAMPHETAMINE! But as I walked out with the Desoxyn precription in my hands I had my doubts. As pusher described it, I had a prescription for temptation. Desoxyn had been treating me well. Lower dosages meant less side effects and more good effects. Either way you look at it though, I still had methamphetamine, be it in an orange bottle or a baggie. I started dosing higher and higher every day. You all know the route of "self-medication". After taking a lot of these pills orally, I decided 'snuffing them would be better. I found less side effects if I snorted them. Then I went back to IVing... Everythign is back. the binges, the paranoia... If one word describeds a methamphetamine addiction, it's gaunt. Skinny, empty, lonely, depressed. My arms are yellolw and purple... Yuck!
I don't know what to do though, I need medication to focus. It's my senior year in High School, I'm applying to colleges, and need to get very good grades for at least the first semester! Any suggestions guys? I plan to quit my recreational use, it's just so damned hard when you have the precription bottle standing right in front of you... the letters screaming out at you... DESOXYEPHEDRINE 5mg.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Jeopardy Theme Song*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest I think its best to explain the situation to your doctor. I dont really have enough experience with meth to feel qualified to comment.

    Could you be moved onto dex instead?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've already been on Dexedrine (d-amp), and it served its intended purpose... It just made me really depressed! I took 30mgs a day, which is a damned high dose to be prescribed to!

    I've been good so far, not abusing it at least, since i posted. We'll see how it goes. I'd hate to talk to my doctor, because he'd set me up on Strattera, which isn't even a stimulant, and hasn't worked for me before.
    I think I'm going to just try to fight it, can't turn down a good fight..

    Thanks budda for the advice though, I suppose this thread is more of a rant now, haha. Thanks though
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you can you might want to try and get hold of some BZP (which I know is illegal in the US and I am not recommending you break the law). Its just that there have been some good reports coming from NZ where the use of BZP can help people who have a problem with meth, it gives them the speed experience that they want but it has a lower risk and a far lower addiction potential.
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    JadedJaded Posts: 2,682 Boards Guru
    Killing, I really think you should enlist some support from professionals on this one, its not something you should be facing on your own.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BZP... Hmm, thanks again budda.
    Ladyjade - I know. I just don't want to be labeled as an addict by all my doctors and such! I'm plannig on bringing it up with my therapist if it gets out of hand though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kill, good to talk to you again, my friend. I see what you're saying. It's hard, I know; discussing it with your doctor will brand a bright red flag in your medical notes for the rest of your life and leave you stuck with an inferior medication. Bringing it up at all, in fact, will earn you the label of an "addict" by some, which is something that no one ever wants. And the legitimate need for academic purposes gives you a justifyable reason to tell yourself. Yes my friend, life is hard. Very hard. Especially when there are very pleasant things very available that could ultimately end up controlling your life. As you know, amphetamines have always been my drug of choice as well, even over cocaine, so I hear you. And even trying d-amp only once myself, dear God, yes it is good and if I had a legit prescription I can see how the temptation for abuse would be astronomical!

    That said, I don't really believe that there is one right answer for you. All I can tell you is what I do to control my addictions. That is, forcing yourself to focus on the negative aspects and physical harm forthcoming to your body. In my case, I have refrained from picking up my habit of casual cocaine use as I now have a mild reaction to it. Even if someone offers me a line I try to imagine the worst case scenario, telling myself "this will turn out to be more than 1 line if I get started" and over and over in my head reiterating the fact that that "mild" reaction" could turn into a "serious" reaction in a matter of seconds. The same, of course, goes for any stimulant; no one plans on getting a heart attack from a meth overdose. The other thing I ask myself is "ok, at this rate, how bad will my health be in 5 years?" There's always sometime or another when a drug user tells themself that the amount of substance used will only be taken to that extent for a certain weekend, but lo and behold, that ends up carrying just a weeee bit over into Monday...then Tuesday, Wednesday and so forth.

    You've heard this a thousand times, I'm sure, but sometimes you just need to hear it again. David Toma, a worldwide anti-drug activist once told me that he met a man that had been clean for over two decades but still drove nearly TWO HOURS twice a week to and from a support centre for drug support group meetings. He asked him "Why do you still do go to these meetings if you're clean?", to which he simply replied "because I need to hear it." I don't know, this story, simple as it may be has just always sort of stuck with me, and because of this I go to a meeting once a week every week myself. So, I suppose I'm just saying that a support group is a relatively private way of helping your addiction. I know I feel a lot better just talking about it, even if it may be uncomfortable at times. But doesn't it help, even discussing it here on an online message board? If it does, even just slightly, don't stop.

    I don't know...whatever works for you, anything at all that helps, do it. That's all I can tell you. I'm not your neighbour, so I can't walk through Mr. Jefferson's dandelion patch to give you a ring and check up on you. Nor am I your mother or father, and have no right to ask you the tough questions they may. It's up to you, and you alone to stop. But you have to want it, and I know all too well...that's the hardest part about it.

    Just know that you have friends here that support you all the way and care about you.

    Keep on fightin', man!:thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ ^ ^
    Doesnt sound like your taking your addiction seriously... you either need help or you dont
    I don't know if I do... Which makes this whole thing more confusing! I feel like I could use it, but I'm afraid to ask for it. So I'm trying to get it done on my own.

    Pusher, I can't tell you how helpful you are, thank you. It's good to hear from you too! It's been a while, I miss our talks, haha. That's good advice, I've never thought of the consequenses of using to keep me from using. Thanks again!

    Anyways, I've been clean still. I feel like this is just always going to be something I have to keep a super close eye on, more than a serious I'm-in-way-over-my-head-addiction. I think I just got a little scared and jumped to the "addiction" conclusion too quickly. It was certainly easier to get off it this time than it was last time... I have a problem with methamphetamine, but a currect addiction? I suppose not.
    Anyways, thank you guys for being there for me. That's the thing I love about these boards - the seriousness and friendliness of them. I can't thank you all enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just had the strongest urge to drink this evening as a lot of serious things just became seriously fucked up. But I remember what I told you about stopping and considering the consequences, which would have been still being groggy the next day at work (I have to get up at quarter to six) and kept telling myself that it would only help for a few hours and would accomplish nothing but making my wallet a bit skinnier.

    Yes, I knew all of that, but under these circumstances I am PISSED, and thus I would still like to drink very, very much. It's fucking killing me, right now as I'm typing this, right this second. I just logged in and saw your new post about refraining from doing so and thought about what a good-for-nothing hipocrite I would be for saying all of that to you and then turning around and doing shit myself just a few days later. But I won't lie; yes, even considering all that I still want a fucking drink to forget everything.

    Sometimes I think about how it's pointless because all the pain will come back in a few hours, so I ask myself "why even bother, then?" But then it just pisses me off even MORE knowing that it won't really help at all, which makes me want to forget all this shit even stronger! Dammit.

    Sorry to be somewhat off topic, but when I do get urges like this, they're HARD, man. Just wanted to let you know I know what you're going through. Always easier suffering with a bro, right?:thumb:
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