Obsession

Former Member

What do you do with someone who becomes so obsessed with you, that you fear they might do something silly if they don't see you. Typical story. You met, you got on, you went on two dates, had a kiss.. but then it wasn't really for you so you told them you weren't really looking for a relationship at the moment. To be fair, I've just come out of a long relationship, and though the attention is fairly nice, I don't want to commit. University next week!

But I've just done the typical 'cool off and not talk tonnes' thing yet am receiving text messages every day. They start off fine like 'hope you're ok, I miss you' and then go onto things like 'I feel like I've blown it with you, you made me so happy and I don't know what I'll do without you'. Ok, bit creepy. If I don't text back I'll get 'sorry for annoying you, I'll just go off and die'.

Now, I don't want to have to deal with this, but her friends have said to me they're worried about her and that she's supposedly really depressed. But other friends have seen her going out with her friends and having a good time. She obviously has self esteem issues and I think I was her first kiss. Now whilst I don't make a habit of breaking hearts, I'm kind of stuck now. She's even said such things to me as 'mum doesn't let me go out on my own anymore in case I do something stupid'.

When I remind her I'm not looking for a relationship she says she just wants to be friends, but we are just friends and she complains about us not being close anymore! We were friends before, and then we got close and a bit romantic, and I guess that fucks the friendship up, but there was never a promise of anything more and I cant seem to get her to realise that it's not going to be more than the friendship we had before.

And forget about this thread after you have given advice... it never happened

Former Member

I think if you ignore her for long enough, she will get the message. Saying that, I don't think you should be really rude to her.

Former Member

I'm not rude... but she doesn't take no for an answer! I think she thinks if she's lovely enough to me I'll want to go out with her. I got home today and have a lovely love-note through my post box. Well, it wasnt a love note as such, just a note, but a very lovely one, saying how she's sorry she's not giving me space but I'm just so important to her and she's scared she'll never see me again after uni. Kerr-ist!

But yea, am being cordial with her but I'm just at my wits end with this. I'm not her babysitter, but she can't seem to leave me alone. But I don't want to scream at her because then she might just think life has no meaning...

How can someone form such a strong attatchment after a few dates????

Former Member

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Former Member

She sounds really needy, the kindest thing you can do is speak to her and tell her straight, you think she's lovely but you aren't ready for a relationship not even a casual one. Leave her in no doubt, and maybe ask her to stop texting you as well for a while. Give her a time frame and say you'll give her a ring in a month or so to check she's ok and maybe you can be freinds.

She sounds like she'll be okay - a lot of what she is saying (my mum worries what I'll do when I go out, etc) sounds very attention seeking - if she was seriously going to harm herself its highly unlikely she would tell anyone.

Everyones got to have their heart broken once.