Just split up

Former Member

A couple of hours ago I split up with my girlfriend of a year, aho I loved to bits, she was so nice and we were so close......... it just wasn't working out on a day to day basis, arguments about silly things etc etc. and different views on certain things....... I'm absolutely devastated, not even any housemates in so mooching around feeling sorry for myself. How many of you have split up with people where it wasn't at all acrimonious? The only other split I have experienced was a bit nasty and things got unpleasant which in a way made it easier to move on. But this girl was so sweet, and even told me 'I'll always love you' as she disappeared today after I'd told her I had to call it off. I feel absolutely destroyed. I know this depends on the personalities involved but do you think those who split without disliking each other per se have a better chance of being friends down the line when both sides have had a bit of time and space to calm down? I still want to know her and take an interest in her, she still means so much to me..... :crying:

But right now I feel like she has died

Thanks guys. Sorry for the rant.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

A couple of hours ago I split up with my girlfriend of a year, aho I loved to bits, she was so nice and we were so close......... it just wasn't working out on a day to day basis, arguments about silly things etc etc. and different views on certain things....... I'm absolutely devastated, not even any housemates in so mooching around feeling sorry for myself. How many of you have split up with people where it wasn't at all acrimonious? The only other split I have experienced was a bit nasty and things got unpleasant which in a way made it easier to move on. But this girl was so sweet, and even told me 'I'll always love you' as she disappeared today after I'd told her I had to call it off. I feel absolutely destroyed. I know this depends on the personalities involved but do you think those who split without disliking each other per se have a better chance of being friends down the line when both sides have had a bit of time and space to calm down? I still want to know her and take an interest in her, she still means so much to me..... :crying:

But right now I feel like she has died

Thanks guys. Sorry for the rant.

In fact - even tho I am no expert in that area - I think people like you described it there, have a good chance to have a second start and come together again. I mean, sometimes relationships seem to be dead end. Nothing delevops anymore, just quarrels of who put too much salt on the omlette and other unexplainable bad moods. After some time seperated, even tho BOTH partners like/love/miss each other (a break-up usually unlikely then), it might just work out again and you both look back and laugh about the little crap you fought about.

I am not here to make you feel better, since neither am I an optimistic person, nor do I care lots about internet strangers, but In my humble opinion I'd say this is not the last time you'll both hear of each other.

Former Member

Might not seem like it justnow, but it's better that you don't dislike each other.

It's good that you know you aint gonna be best mates from tomorrow, have some you time and mope for a bit if need be.

Former Member

Bri-namite wrote:

Might not seem like it justnow, but it's better that you don't dislike each other.

It's good that you know you aint gonna be best mates from tomorrow, have some you time and mope for a bit if need be.

thats true, you may not feel it now but when when you've had time to get over her, and move on. you feel better that you still may have a friend in her.

i dont know what curcumstances you split over, but getting back together can make you stronger or make the relationship "never be the same again", constantly thinking why the other split in the first place. The latter happened in my case, but that doesnt mean the same will happen in yours.

Former Member

She understands why I called it a day and is really sorry for it - she offended me/hit a nerve over something about which i'm pretty sensitive and after a couple of other daft arguments recently it tipped me over the edge. So if we did get back together she needn't wonder why what happened happened and hopefully that would mean she could consign it to history. There is no mystery as to why I called a halt to things. Thanks for your input. I really want her back, dammit! I can't lose someone that special over things which in perspective are so trivial. Grr, don't know what to do now. I can't tell her I can't see her one day and tell her literally the next day that I want to see her again. Give her a bit of time and then speak to her and see where the land lies after a bit of individual reflection? Appreciate you posting back, thanks.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

She understands why I called it a day and is really sorry for it - she offended me/hit a nerve over something about which i'm pretty sensitive and after a couple of other daft arguments recently it tipped me over the edge. So if we did get back together she needn't wonder why what happened happened and hopefully that would mean she could consign it to history. There is no mystery as to why I called a halt to things. Thanks for your input. I really want her back, dammit! I can't lose someone that special over things which in perspective are so trivial. Grr, don't know what to do now. I can't tell her I can't see her one day and tell her literally the next day that I want to see her again. Give her a bit of time and then speak to her and see where the land lies after a bit of individual reflection? Appreciate you posting back, thanks.

just be careful and don't let yourself too much time. keep in little contact with the occasional text, I'd say. you don't have to crawl back to her on all fours, just ask her to hang out, and have a talk with her if you feel like it.

Former Member

I know what its like to break up with someone you Love. I was withsomeone for 12 years and there nothing wrong with the relationship. She ditched me for a newer model thats all. But give it time allow some space to develop between you. If its meant to be it will happen. Just the odd txt saying something like "Hope you are OK?" will do. This shows you are interested. What ever you do, dont go for a mercy shag. Give yourself time. Time heals everthing. SDA

Former Member

me and my ex split up purely on the basis that he was about to start a new and time consuming job. he figured he wouldn't have enough time for himself, his job, his friends AND a girlfriend which is fair fluff; i understood. it is shit splitting up when you seem to have the best relationship and are really good together but it's just the way the cookie crumbles. it's been hard sometimes but we're still good mates a year down the line and i have a lot of respect for him. only difference is unlike you we never argued.

Former Member

Don't give it time, call her, tell her you need to ser her and tell her what you said to us.
If I was her I'd be in so much pain and sadness. I'd want to know your feelings straight away. Go get your girl!

Former Member

I really want to do what you suggested Vicky, I rang her last night and she didn't pick up, texted me back saying she was 'here for me' but that the needed a little while to 'deal with herself' before she spoke to me, and signed off with 'kisses xxx'. Very confused! Thanks for all your advice, any more welcome!!

Former Member

It seems confusing but I reckon she needs time to think about your relationship. I think this is normal. Being "here for you" is an indication that she will support you and the kisses x3 is I reckon an idication that she means it. Give her some space. This is what she is asking you todo. Dont push her. Let her be. You could return a message that reads something like "And I am here for you. Contact me if and when you want to talk. xxx" And I would leave it at that. But you know your girl better than I do. At the end of the day its your Girk and your relationship. Do what you think is right. SDA

Former Member

After being so upset about me callign it a day on saturday and begging me to change my mind, she calls me earlier, less than 48 hours later to tell me in a very calm, matter of fact way that she has no interest in seeing me anymore and only wants to think about herself at the moment. End of story. Fantastic. Thanks for your posts folks. Wounded :no:

Former Member

I'm not gonna give you the cliched you'll get over it in time, because...you will but that's not what you need to hear.

When I split with my last bf (we were together about 2 years) we split on the best of terms. It was merely the distance of uni that broke us up and a few 'trivial' arguments and that was it. He called the next day saying he thought the split up was a rash decision and he didn't mean it, lets go back and inspite of feeling pants about the split, thinking I could have him back in a second, I said no. I said no because the reasons we split were valid. Getting back together did not mend those arguments, did not bring us physically closer. I felt like my best friend had died - I was in a terrible mess and I was low. I felt pointless and empty. It's a year ago now we split - and we've been close friends after a period of detachment which allowed me to accept more fully the relationship was over and rebuild me again.

At the moment you're in a place where the emotions are raw, and intense. You're gonna feel empty and pointless and like you've lost the most immense thing in your life. This is gonna happen but honestly, time is a healer and on reflection you may, or may not realise this is a good move for you and you need to accept her decision. Now you've broken up, you need to look to looking after yourself and leave her alone long enough to get out the initial panic of I'm alone, I'm single, I need her. This will come, just take care of yourself for now and let your emotions out.

Former Member

Museman wrote:

After being so upset about me callign it a day on saturday and begging me to change my mind, she calls me earlier, less than 48 hours later to tell me in a very calm, matter of fact way that she has no interest in seeing me anymore and only wants to think about herself at the moment. End of story. Fantastic. Thanks for your posts folks. Wounded :no:

She will still be hurting though, be doing her absolute best not to show it, but she will be.

Was gonna give a big long thing, but I'll just say I agree with Malt :yes:

Former Member

malteser monkay wrote:

I felt like my best friend had died - I was in a terrible mess and I was low. I felt pointless and empty.

That's the crux of it for me. I feel absolutely desperate, to have spoken to her at length every day for a year and tonight the phone hasn't rung. It's soul destroying. Thanks for your post. Just absolutely devastated

Former Member

Have you again told her hwo you feel? She mau be saving face because she thinks you want it to be over.