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a bit blue...
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
decided not to post, didn't want to waste anyones time or get ribbed
sorry
John
sorry
John
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Is this thread meant to make us feel sorry for you and to get attention?
basically just to say changed my mind about posting another thread of me whining.
just sorry for the inconvienience
and for some reason im addicted to coke (the drink, not the drug) If i go a day without it I break down.
I hope you feel better soon.
How much coke are you drinking?
at least not everything anyway...
one of the things on my mind is that my confidence has taken a huge nosedive.
I mentioned in previous posts that I have a condition that affects my leg (it was fixed though to a degree now its only a minor limp) but I still wouldn't proudly admit I had it.
It was all brought back when I went to matalan with a friend cause he wanted to take advantage of the sale they were having and as we were walking down the stairs of the store and a worker says to my friend "you should give those to him, he is disabled so you can go in front of the line" Don't get me wrong, if I was disabled I wouldn't be using the stairs would I?
I know she was only trying to be helpful but she could have been more sensitive and thoughtful.
I also hate it being brought up like "John, whats up with your leg?" or "why do you walk funny?". Some girls make comments about it which makes me feel even worse.
thats all I can say for now
thanks guys
Indeed.
When the worker said what she did to your friend, did you do/say anything or just ignore it?
he did keep saying though "yo, man you ok?" Just said "yeah". (lying obviously)
I also feel kinda sad cause im leftovers (meaning all mates gone off to uni and im stuck at school still) I feel like a screwup...
I just feel like somedays im judged for just being me...
but im ok most of the time
Never stop being you and who you are, but I think you do need to be happy to be you, if ya see?
Seriously man, the other day at work this girl noticed that I was twtching a bit on my left hand side (I get it sometimes) and she asked about it because she was interested, and I got a bit paranoid, because I've known I get it, but it's just something that I've never really thought about too much, because I'd forgotten that people would notice it.
Most people at some point get days when they feel a bit funny about themseleves or feel a bit judged, but you just need to take a deep breath and get on with things, yanno?
I do admire that you can like not think about it cause I can't. I just pretend its not there.
Im a bit worried about my coke drinking prob cause you know when you drink a can of drink it burns? I dont get that... its creepy
Nah, it's my sort of shoulder and my neck that goes a bit funny every so often, I had it as a kid for years, just in the last year or two it's come back at totally random moments and stuff.
Doesn't affect me at all, people hardly notice it at all really, but I worried for about five seconds people did, then I realised nobody would really give a shit anyway.
In your situation, I think it's maybe just a case of accepting that you've got a slight limp, but people aren't going not to like you for that, and if they did then you're better off without them, yeah?
Ive known people with various disabilities whove managed to live as near as dammit a normal life, but they dont pretend that they dont have it, and they dont spend their lives hoping that noone will notice. They just get on with it and make the best of what theyve got - they make the jokes before anyone else does if need be, or at least explain factually if anyone asks about it.
I realise this takes a lot of self acceptance and a certain amount of self esteem, which cant just be bought off the shelf, it needs to be worked at, but I hope you manage to find some self acceptance some time (and then work at cutting down the coca cola)
im just feeling low for various reasons (I get crying jags alot of the time) but then I go back to normal. but the worse thing is that it just comes back.
I feel like I cant be me anymore.
I've found this as well - always got laughed at and whatever because I was clever and would (nearly) always get questions right when I was asked them in class.
When you say 'normal' I assume you mean people who don't have disabilities?
This might be hard, but you have to learn to ignore comments people made. I've been in a similar situation as the op and I have friends who are in the same position as you. (I think they have what you have, but worse)
This makes sense and I agree with it.
Had a look at your profile, and you're 19, yeah?
When I was your age, I seriously didn't know what the fuck I was doing with myself or what I was or who I was. Even now I still wouldn't say I'm 100% confident, or like totally secure in myself, but I'm secure enough (and this sounds hippy but it's true) to just totally be myself and put myself into the world and people either accept you or they don't, and the majority of people you come across do.
It takes a lot of doing, and yeah you're always gonna get people who're not gonna like you or whatever and there's gonna be times when you get hurt and upset, but that's life. Once you're there though, it's worth it.
Have you maybe thought about speaking to somebody professional about the issues you've got?
I don't wanna go see a professional cause I don't wanna appear like im nuts.
I just don't know what to do with myself, I've got no direction, no real ambition. Some days I just think whats the point? but then again im not one of those whiney kids who says there gonna kill themselves. Although Im not gonna lie and say I havn't thought about it. Takes alot of bottle to off yourself so I don't know why they call it the cowards way out.
Do you think it's maybe worth thinking about though, do you not think it's better than feeling like this?
I thought the same before I went to see somebody about 3/4 months ago, because I'd had two psycho g/fs in as many years, one of which tried to pass her kid off as mine for months, and the other one who literally kicked my ass and I hear now is up for the GBH of somebody else.
I was scared of getting help because I thought people I knew would think I was weak or a nutjob and I knew there were people suffering more than me, but they coped? But I got the help I needed, and it saw me through, and I'm pretty much over both situations now.
Think about it though, even if you maybe talk to somebody on the phone (I'm sure the mods can jump in with the numbers) then it might well be worth thinking about.
I'm still like that and I'm three years older than you, I've no idea what the hell I'm gonna do with my life, I've got ideas and stuff, but nothing that doesn't seem like a bit of a pipe dream justnow.
You're giving yourself such a hard time, but all this stuff is normal at your age. You need to reallt get some self-belief, and the only thing that can really hold you back is yourself, yanno?
I have a long term memory as well which means that I can't forget all the stupid things ive done and that just drives me absolutly mad.
Im absolutly hopeless with the opposite sex because I think they think im gonna stalk/rape them.
I get so angry somedays I just wind up punching the walls
I just feel like crap most days.
and i dont know how, its absolute torture.