Girlfriend Cheated

Former Member

Hi, could you please help me out or give me some advice about my problem?

The other day I was at my girlfriends house and found out that she had cheated on me, now I have always said that if I ever found out that she had cheated on me then that would be it. But I don't feel that I could'nt leave her. I still love her but don't know if I can still trust her. She said she was sorry and that it wouldnt happen again but isnt that always the case? She also said that it only happend once but I have a harible feeling that she was going to or has done it more.

What do you think I should do?


Please help im lost.

Thanks

Former Member

ditch her, if she loves you she wouldnt have done it in the first placce, would she?

Former Member

Good point, just dont know if I could leave her.

Former Member

sorry to hear that, the best advice i can give is to follow your heart, but imo you can't have a relationship without trust. if she's cheated once i personally think she is capable of doing it again. i have been in your position myself and if you do decide to split, then within time you will feel better. if you just take her straight back then she may feel like she's gotten away with it given her more reason to go and do it again. if you have the feeling she's done it more than once then sorry to say it but she most likely has.

hope you feel better soon

*hugs*

Former Member

ditch her, unforgivable in my eyes. if she loved you that much she wouldnt have done it in the first place. understand it might not be as simple as that, but thats how i see it.

Former Member

I have been with her for about 3 and a half years and just dont want to loose all that with her. I think I have given in too easy as i told her that I would forgive her but now im having second thoughts.

Former Member

have you talk about why she cheated? is she happy in the relationship? you've been together a long time.. do you think it could just be a blip?

Former Member

It might be hard but its for the best to leave her, and if you feel you cant get over her just cut her off, dont talk to her dont text her or ring her.

Former Member

i was with my ex for four years, he cheated, at the beginning of our relationship, he lied about how it happened to make himself sound better, i took him back, had more years of secrets. once a cheat always a cheat. 3 and a half years is nothing compared to your whole life. do you really want to be in a relationship where you cant trust her? she will cheat on you again and she doesnt love you of she did in the first place.

Former Member

its so easy for everyone on here to say "leave her" but every relationship is different. at least she was honest and told him what she did. it may well be that she is really sorry and wont ever do it again. but thats up to the poster to decide after talking to her about it.

Former Member

How did you find out she cheated on you? Did you stumble across something or did she tell you? Not all relationships break down due to infidelity, some can survive, but it takes a lot of work, a great deal of building trust back up again and most importantly, total honesty with each other, and yourselves.

Was her infidelity a one off thing, or had she been seeing someone for a period of time? These are the things you will have to address together if you want to work through this.

I think you have to ask yourself if you don't want to walk away because you feel that you can both get through this, or if you are afraid of what will happen if you break up, there's a difference, and I wouldn't stay with someone for the sake of being with them, especially if there's little or no trust, it could lead to even more hurt than the infidelity itself.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll get through this whatever way you decide.

Former Member

She said she was drunk when it happened after going out for the night with friends. The only reason i found out was because I found a used condom in her room and the guys lighter on her desk. I gave her about 24hr to confess to me and gave her plenty chances to tell me but she didnt. Then when I asked her about it she said it was a mistake and wouldnt happen again.

Personaly i dont think the drink is too blaim cuz i saw her first thing the next morning (he must have left just before i came because she phone be about 10 mins before i got off the bus to see where i was.

Former Member

a kiss i think is easy to give, but full on sex is different, do you think she would have told you if you hadnt found the condom?

Former Member

I dont think she would have, she said she didnt tell me because she didnt want to hurt me. I also think she thought I would leave her without thinking about it.

Former Member

tbh if i was in your shoes i don't think i could find it in myself to forgive. no matter how drunk i am i would never cheat on my boyfriend. and i especially wouldnt take someone else back to my place.

Former Member

Hmm it's a difficult one. Going to ask you a bit of a difficult question here - do you think your girlfriend left out the used condom and the lighter because she wanted you to see them? I don't know what your relationship has been like, but playing devil's advocate, do you think she wanted you to see the things, kick off and have you tell her that it was over?

Former Member

The Law wrote:

The only reason i found out was because I found a used condom in her room and the guys lighter on her desk.

shitty way to find out.. i don't think i could forgive her in that situation.. i wouldn't put it past her that shes done it before either. and she didn't exactly try to hide the evidence did she.

Former Member

as i've said before, love isn't enough to make a relationship work. You need trust, communication, understanding ect and cheating usually gets rid of alot of that.
And if she loved you, she wouldn't have done it.

Former Member

Well the lighter was just left on the desk but the condom looked like it had just been chucked under her desk. She has been going on about me finishing her alot the last few days so it might be that shes trying to get me to end it because she cant.

Im really not sure what to do.

Former Member

The Law wrote:

Im really not sure what to do.

i know its up to you at the end of the day but i think you will come out of this alot better off if you decide to end it. you will feel better with time

Former Member

She has been going on about me finishing her alot the last few days so it might be that shes trying to get me to end it because she cant.

You could see this in two ways. One is that sadly, yes, she wants to break up with you and doesn't want to do it, so she's pushing you to see if you'll do it, hoping that sleeping with someone else will be the final straw.

Another is that she's insecure about the relationship, and thinks that you want to finish with her, and 'tests' you by sleeping with someone else to perhaps show you that she needs the attention etc.

To be very honest, neither of these outcomes are very nice, nor is the motivation, and by the way it sounds, neither of you seem very happy at this stage, including before you found out about her cheating. Sometimes relationships just run their course, and it's time to move on.

Former Member

man you just gotta be a man learn from my mistakes! dont show any emotion just walk away if it affects you dont show it....this will make her go crazy...and if she starts crying and saying sorry i want you back dont go back its tough dude but read my thread! i went thru hell with my ex.

http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?t=103373

Former Member

I agree others ditch her!
she is just seeing how far she can get away with shit...thats what immature girls do they are on a power trip to see how far she could go and get away with it...dont forgive her....

my ex said to me if you really loved me then you would forgive me...i said B*tch if you loved me you wouldnt of cheated on me and lied to my face....and trust me on this a women like that can look you straight in the eye and lie to your face!

Former Member

get rid of her

Former Member

i agree 100% with that. I think I have made up my mind. Thanks

Skive

lipsy wrote:

its so easy for everyone on here to say "leave her" but every relationship is different. at least she was honest and told him what she did. it may well be that she is really sorry and wont ever do it again. but thats up to the poster to decide after talking to her about it.

:yes:

Though I think the fact you found a used hat in your bed speaks volumes - that she doesn't give fuck. I'd have to say cherio :wave: after that.

Former Member

ya my situation i never had a real hard evidence but shit if someone left a used condom on her bed thats already enough to leave.

dude to be honest you dont have self esteem to stay with a chick like that.

its easy to say move on because to be honest thats enough evidence to move on.

Former Member

I have spoken too her and she does seem really sorry and was doing everything last night to try and make up.

i found the condom under her desk not in the bed. looked like it had just been thrown down to the bin but missed.

she was crying about it most of the night and going on about how much she doesnt deserve me etc.

Former Member

shes talking rubbish, sorry, your life, your decision, but she will end up hurting you

Former Member

I think the best thing is ditch her, but I personally couldn't do it myself i reckon.

You might give her a second chance. I personally do know only one couple who made it after the girl cheated. Be on observe mode a lot. Is the a bit repellent to you? Does she really struggle to make it work? If you wouldn't show that it bothers you, would she behave differently?

but whatever you do, be prepared for a lot of pain.
Somehow you have to be a bit stricter I guess. Don't show her that you are a doormat and she'd get about with that everytime.

Former Member

i know it will be hard, but i honestly think it will eat at you to much for the relationship to work any longer

you love her yes, but you accepting this is almost like forgiving her...

if i were you,i would think 'sod her, if she hurts me this much she aint worth it anyway'