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its really irrational i know, but i have images of him laughing, taking the piss, or going off me, or tell people about hideous parts of me. even though he's a completely nice person in every way i can think of, and i trust him completely, but still i get this fear
Im exactly the same when it comes to revealing feelings; so maybe its part of the same problem?
i dont know. all i know is that if a part of me is seen, then i will go really really wierd, he will know something is up, and i just feel stupid and eugh.
maybe its because he's too good for me :chin:
I am sorry Sister Theresa I forgot how you really add to every single thread you post in it...
Want me to add, I love myself now and I know I can be arrogant about it, because for years I hated my guts, I hated all the scares I had on my body due to fucking 10 years of SH and now I fucking love myself... Sorry...
Blah just accept yourself as you are and you will be accepted by the right one, no worries...
I know it's not easy, been there before, just have to accept who you are and realise that you have way more to offer than you think... Most people have way more to offer than they think, you're a great intelligent girl, there is nothing wrong with you... If someone has a trouble with you, they are just not worth it, believe me... Just listen to what the people who love you say about you and based yourself on that... Those who said crap, it's cos they dn't know any better and ignore them...
That's not it, at all. So please don't think that.
It's a very brave and difficult thing, to expose yourself to another person - be it physically in the flesh, or emotionally in terms of feelings.
Obviously it's more of an struggle for some than others - as is everything in life - and you're one of those who finds it a big challenge. We're none of us perfect, and being comfortable in your own skin is a very rare thing, especially when you're young. Maybe it'll come with time and the development of trust between the two of you; but I suppose the bottom line is that until you feel comfortable with your own body no amount of adulation (or even acceptance) from a member of the opposite sex is going to feel comfortable. It's a rough situation, I really feel for you and wish I had some truly excellent, foolproof advice
If he wants to see you with your clothes off it will be for one of two reasons.
1. He likes you, he cares about you and he's interested in you. In which case he will damm well know what you look like underneath, you can't hide anything that well. In which case he won't be surprised or care in the slightest about any slight imperfections.
2. He just wants to get his hands on anything female. In which case he will have been eyeing you up all over, will have a vague idea of whats coming and really won't care in the slightest as long as he gets his hands on something.
Find some peace and quiet and see if you can handle your own body with no clothes on, that'll help your confidence around someone else . Also bear in mind that if you've let him near you clothed he'll know exactly what your like and that will be part of why he likes spending time with you.
Very, very true. Of course the question then is where do you get this confidence from?
You fake it. Act confident, even though you're not. And after a while it does actually become real confidence, when you see that your fears were all in your head.
Did i say that?
When you are ready for it you will be ready for it. If he is someone you trust you will be happy to reveal yourself.
what if i do trust him and i still cant do it? I thought the same, i thought that once im with someone i trust i wont mind. But i trust him 100%, more than ive ever trusted anyone before and i still cant bear/bare (ha) it
Believe me the benefits are well worth it. If it makes you feel better snuggle under a duvet, then he can't see. Gradually you'll get used to it and won't grab the duvet back so quickly.
Here are a few ideas you could try:
- Every time someone compliments you on your appearance, write it down in a notebook. People probably compliment you more often that you think. When you're feeling down about the way you look you can read over them. I know that people seeing you clothed isn't the same as people seeing you naked, but if you can accept yourself as an attractive person with clothes on, it's easier to make the mental step to accepting that you're an attractive person whether or not you're wearing clothes.
- Make a list of the things you like about your body, and don't think about the parts you don't like. Everybody has bad bits but everyone has good bits too, it's more positive to focus on them than on the bits you don't like. And remember that everyone does have bad bits, you're not going to be the first girl he's seen who isn't perfect.
- You could also get out a pen and paper and describe the things you dislike about your body - not just "I don't like my thighs", but "My thighs are quite chunky and have cellulite at the tops." I don't know if that would help, but maybe getting honest with yourself about what exactly is wrong with the bits you don't like would help you to accept that ok, they're not perfect, but that's how they are.
- Look at yourself naked a lot and get used to the way you look. If you're alone in the house, walk around in just your underwear, or sunbathe in the garden in a bikini - I know it's hard, but if you hide from yourself you'll never be able to accept your body. If you want to change the way you feel about yourself, you have to do things you maybe don't feel that comfortable doing, but the more you do them the less uncomfortable they'll feel. It'll take time, but if you end up being able to accept yourself then it'll be time well spent!
You don't trust him though- you don't trust him to see your naked body and not run a mile screaming.
That's not an attack on you or him, that's just a statement of facts.
I honestly don't know how to say you can overcome these trust and intimacy issues. I think you need to work out exactly what it is that you are afraid of, I get the feeling you aren't really sure at the moment. Again, that's not a criticism, a lot of people feel fear and don't know what its about.
We can assure you that he won't be running a mile- his thoughts will be somewhere between "hope I don't come in three seconds" and "way-hey!". But you don't believe it and can't believe it until you work out why you don't believe it.
i do that anyway
doesnt make me more confident in front of other people