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But the way you've posted this- and several other things in your time here- is that the main reason you are angry with her because she didn't show enough gratitude to you for "being there". You're only cross because she didn't kiss your feet after you deigned to lower yourself to her level. And now you're taking more than a little schadenfreude because she's lost everything.
Don't be her friend, but lose the attitude that you're owed things. You aren't.
when her boyfriend left her she started being friendly again - i think that's what made me snap. When she started sending threatening notes telling me to stay away because i was trying to split them up...i fancied him and was calling her a slag. All of which was completly false. I never even met the guy or spoke to him. She said something along the lines of ''i don't need you anymore, i've got my joey now'' and i was just like...oh so thats the thanks i get for sticking by you for 4 years? So i just left it at that and let her get on with things. From then on i've just distanced myself because i know that if i go back to being friends, then the chances are it'll just go back to how it was. I'd got new friends and was getting on. That's all it is basically. It was an unbalanced friendship and we're now heading different ways.
I'm not taking pride in that she's 'lost everything' i think shes had a few brief relationships since and has got friends at college. I said before i wish her no bad karma, she's just better off going in her direction and i'll go in mine.
You don't want to be friends with her. End of. Instead of stringing her out anymore, just tell her straight. Don't ignore her calls. Have the guts to answer them.
Don't tell her she's a bad person and she treated you like shit because...she's not a bad person, she's human. She's obviously very troubled. She's depressed, she's using self harm as a means of demonstrating that she's just not happy and she's had an incredibly unselfish bringing up, and obviously a very damaging one. It may seem like she's demanding and self-centred but you don't know what's going through her head, the emotionally screwed up things that are warping her mind and making her like it. I was very self-centred when I was depressed, I was paranoid this girl was after my bloke and it brought me down even further. It's a package deal with depression, it comes coupled with feelings of insecurity and paranoia.
Do you know how huge boyfriends are at any age? How you wanna spend every ounce of time with them and you don't realise how you shrug people off because you're so absorbed in them. I think you do.
All people are saying is that if you don't wanna be friends tell her no. Otherwise be the friend she needs, support her, help her. Don't make her worse by ignoring her calls cause that must really upset and dishearten her. Think from her perspective.