Dealing with temptation

Former Member

Hello all,
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we're really in love/sex is still good/really close friends etc so its all going well. Problem is recently I've been finding myself becoming attracted to one of my close male friends. I'd never cheat on my boyfriend and I don't want to leave him (plus there's no suggestion this friends even likes me in that way) so I'm not contemplating acting on it but I still can't help thinking about him. I can't avoid him because we're at 6th form together and have the same group of friends.
How can I force myself to get over it?
Any help would be great!

Former Member

You cant force yourself to get over it, you just have to excercise self control if you love your boyfriend and want to stay with him and not cheat. Self control until you get over the crush on the other guy is best you can do, because it is most likely a crush.

Former Member

Employ aversion therapy. To cancel out the pleasurable thoughts of him, associate something very distasteful with the emotion. For example, every time you feel something towards him, 'remember' that he shagged your mother (twice), threw up in your bed and wrote your name and number as being the local 'bike' in the bus station toilets ....

Otherwise, try and consider why you feel this way. All of us look at what is in the window but we remember not to touch. If you feel that your present boyfriend does not do it for you then it is only fair that you let him go .. in spite of the good sex and mutual friends. You will only hurt him more if you string him along for longer than is neccessary.

However, remember that the grass is not always greener and while you have a physical attraction to this guy, he is really an unknown quantity - and you may find that he is really not up to scratch in other areas.

Former Member

You're in a simlar position to my girlfriend. You cant help how you feel. But you can't have both. What do you do?

Former Member

Thanks for your understanding guys. I'm sure it is just a crush but the problem with my crushes is they're rare but strong (I dont fall easily but I fall hard). It makes me feel so bad because i really do love my boyfriend and the relationship is great. I get all excited when i see this guy now and then feel so incredably guilty about it. On top of that I've got to hide all these feelings from my boyfriend who is already the 'jealous type'..oh and from my friend as well and all our other friends of course.
Im just so confused

Former Member

self discipline is the answer.
i'm sure though that if you admitted to your bf you ahd these feelings but that they were only feelings of a crush... he's not going to dump you for it.

Former Member

Teagan wrote:

However, remember that the grass is not always greener and while you have a physical attraction to this guy, he is really an unknown quantity - and you may find that he is really not up to scratch in other areas.

That is v. true. When we fancy someone but don't know them that well, we tend to fill in the gaps with how we'd most like them to be.

Former Member

what do you do when things with the b/f arent so good in certain areas but are more complicated than being able to just finish it and the other guy really REALLY likes you.

Former Member

Sikorah wrote:

what do you do when things with the b/f arent so good in certain areas but are more complicated than being able to just finish it and the other guy really REALLY likes you.

You have sorta answered your own question - if things are 'too complicated' to finish with him, then there is nothing you can do, is there? You have to live with the complications or find a way to get out.

Former Member

true.

It means tough shit you made ya choice when you got with him, end of!