why arent i turned on?

Former Member

i just cant seem to get myself in the mood for sex when im with my boyfriend.

when im by myself i can turn it on just like that an i think "god im gagging" but then when im with him he tries it on but i think of anything to try and get out of it. i even try and start arguements just so i dont have to have sex so he thinks im constantly moody now and im not, i just dont want to have sex with him. that sounds awful

sometimes im just not that into it but i feel bad so go along with it anyway and end up getting really hurt cos its not opened up - so to speak!

anyone got any suggestions? - tried more foreplay, that doesnt work, porn doesnt work (although i prefer more of a storyline myself an hes just got hardcore!)

its not him- hes great at sex, just right in the downstairs department and ive not been so happy in ages, its just this that gets me down, i feel so bad for him.

Former Member

Perhaps its because theres no excitment anymore, i mean you can just shag your boyfriend whenever you want when hes around but when on your own you cant if that makes sence.

Former Member

Do you still find him attractive and are you happy in your relationship?

Confidence can be another issue, if your unsure about your body you might subconciously not be wanting anyone to see you or get close to you.

There can be a number of reasons why but it sounds like maybe your just struggling with intamacy if your fine alone.

Former Member

weve been together close to 6 months kinda (lots of uncertainty and just "seeing" at the start) an have only been having sex for 3 so wouldnt have thought the excitment would go this soon!

at the start i developed thrush and bv and was in ALOT of pain and although theyre not sexually transmitted, just about yeast level etc etc yuk yuk, i think i sometimes link it to having sex with him. but i also know that wasnt his fault and he was so supportive over it- most lads would have been "Urgh youve got what!" but he wasnt.

im fine about my body- well im not myself but he always goes on about how he loves my body so i dont feel conscious around him or anything

i really dont know what it is just seems like im being stupid cos there is no reason for me to be like this.

Former Member

have u had sex with anyone before him?

Former Member

From reading your latest post you sound like me in alot of ways that maybe your sex drive just goes up and down like a yo yo when it comes to your man. Im always up for it on my own, bring my guy on the scene and currently I will avoid it anyway I can, BB, Dinner, anything.

How long have you felt this way btw?

Former Member

I think I'll keep a close eye on this thread :chin:

Former Member

hes not my first sexual partner and to be honest i have had this problem with a previous boyfriend but it only lasted like a week apart from that one time i usually have a high sex drive.

if im honest i think its been pretty much from the start, i was fine for bout a week then i got ill down below so went off it then then had a horny spell for a week about 3 weeks later an thats about it.

when he gets going im fine, if it doesnt hurt i can enjoy it, its getting up the *no clue whats words meant to go here* to do it.

Former Member

Well, whether it's hormonal, emotional, psychological, whatever - it doesn't seem to be his or your 'fault', just circumstancial. So, either way, it's not a serious problem. At least, not one that affects the bulk of your relationship, hopefully (apart from the trying to avoid sex thing).

If I were you, I'd talk to him about it. I don't know how much you do already, but definitely tell him you're having problems and although it's not his fault at all, you need some help in 'getting there'. It sounds like it could be to do with the thrush. If he wants a definite reason to reassure himself, then say you think it's to do with that.

Anyway, then you can work together to get better. Maybe you can try masturbating in front of him? Since you have no problem with that. You can work your way up to having him join him or something, and you'll eventually be in the mood for actual sex, hopefully.

Hope all goes well.

Former Member

Oh please-i need an answer to this.

Ive been with my bf 3 yrs and we havent had 'a healthy sex life' for about 18months.
It was great for the first yr or so. But since i started sufering from depression 2 yrs ago its slowly got less and less and then nothing for ages. When i make an effort and try, it hurts and i hate myself so bad it upsets me.

But im fine on my own. And as ive gotten a little too close to a friend, i think id be ok with him.

I know depression is a biggie in no sex drive and so is the medication but ive stopped it at all that shit and i just dont feel any excitement towards my fiance.

oh and yes-ive been ignoring this problem for quite some time.

Former Member

I'm in the same situation been with my bf nearly 3 years now but my sex drive has like died i just am never horny but i think this was due to underlying problems in the relationship and we've started communicating now and understanding each other and it seems to be helping. Glad to know i'm not the only one though with this problem.

Former Member

Are you taking any meds? any kind of?

Former Member

if you guys are taking anto depressants then that can have affects on your libido