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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im in a pathetic state right now. I dont know whats got into me. I have a lot to get off my chest so bear with me with the huge post.
A bit of background info for anyone who hasnt read my previous threads: a few months ago i fell for someone i met in my final year of uni but i didnt dare do anything about it because we became very good friends. As we were both about to move back home from uni, we discovered on a drunken evening that we both felt the same way.
As a result of this, we stayed at uni a few days longer and spent time together and it was everything and more, than what i always imagined it to be all those months ago. It was amazing, just finally being able to kiss him and be close to him etc. The time came where we had to move back and say goodbye, and to be honest i felt like i had died inside. I immediatly threw up when he left and i just couldnt stop crying, i had to wait a few hours to calm down before i could drive home.
I still feel dead. I got home nearly 3 days ago.
Im finding this so fucking hard. and i dont know how im going to cope. I miss him so much, and i'd do anything to be back at uni with him again, that will never happen as we've finished uni now.
It just all happened too late, and i feel shit for it. Yet theres nothing i can do, i cant turn back time. I loved spending every day with him over the last few months, even when nothing was out in the open, because we completely click. I want that back again, so badly. We live about 5 hours apart. Im used to seeing him every day, for most of the day. The transition has been too much for me. I cant cope.
I cant go on as i am. I have no motivation to do anything, i get teary at the thought, i cant concentrate on anything.
Im supposed to be getting myself sorted after uni, getting a job and sorting out debt. But i cant think about anything else.
I just want to cry all the time, i cant even be bothered to eat, i feel physically sick every time i think about not seeing him. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning, i cant sleep at night, i cant listen to music without thinking of him because we had exactly the same favourite bands. I dont want to go out with my friends at the weekend, theres nobody to spend my free time with any more because it was all spent with him. I feel like ive lost him, as a friend and as a potential boyfriend. All i want to do is to see him.
Ive tried keeping myself busy but its not taking my mind off him.
This is so crap and i want to be happy. Ive never felt this low in my life.
I feel like i maybe like him a little too much? ive never felt this strongly for anyone. Before we left we never talked about the possibility of a LDR and im too scared to bring it up. As we were saying goodbye he said that he doesnt want to not see me again and that we should meet up some time, but thats not the same as a LDR. If i mention the possibility of trying to have a relationship i fear it will scare him off, what if he doesnt feel as strongly for me as i do him? Am i acting like a bunny boiler? Could it just be that he fancies me but not enough to bother trying anything from a distance. I fear this so much.
In fact, im not even sure i can accuratly interpret what was said when we were discussing things, he told me that he's had a "soft spot" for me for a long time, that he was too scared to tell me, and asked if we could have "had anything" between us if we hadnt found out so late. What does that mean? Does that mean he wanted a relationship had we not left it too late? Or am i looking too far into it?
I just need to get over this and i dont know how. I cant turn my feelings off, and i want him so much. In a way im in denial about leaving uni and not being able to see him all the time. I feel so delicate, just looking at a picture, or having a quick thought will make me cry.
I know theres nothing that anyone here can do, you cant turn my feelings off and you cant turn back time, but im so lost and i want to stop feeling like this.
A bit of background info for anyone who hasnt read my previous threads: a few months ago i fell for someone i met in my final year of uni but i didnt dare do anything about it because we became very good friends. As we were both about to move back home from uni, we discovered on a drunken evening that we both felt the same way.
As a result of this, we stayed at uni a few days longer and spent time together and it was everything and more, than what i always imagined it to be all those months ago. It was amazing, just finally being able to kiss him and be close to him etc. The time came where we had to move back and say goodbye, and to be honest i felt like i had died inside. I immediatly threw up when he left and i just couldnt stop crying, i had to wait a few hours to calm down before i could drive home.
I still feel dead. I got home nearly 3 days ago.
Im finding this so fucking hard. and i dont know how im going to cope. I miss him so much, and i'd do anything to be back at uni with him again, that will never happen as we've finished uni now.
It just all happened too late, and i feel shit for it. Yet theres nothing i can do, i cant turn back time. I loved spending every day with him over the last few months, even when nothing was out in the open, because we completely click. I want that back again, so badly. We live about 5 hours apart. Im used to seeing him every day, for most of the day. The transition has been too much for me. I cant cope.
I cant go on as i am. I have no motivation to do anything, i get teary at the thought, i cant concentrate on anything.
Im supposed to be getting myself sorted after uni, getting a job and sorting out debt. But i cant think about anything else.
I just want to cry all the time, i cant even be bothered to eat, i feel physically sick every time i think about not seeing him. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning, i cant sleep at night, i cant listen to music without thinking of him because we had exactly the same favourite bands. I dont want to go out with my friends at the weekend, theres nobody to spend my free time with any more because it was all spent with him. I feel like ive lost him, as a friend and as a potential boyfriend. All i want to do is to see him.
Ive tried keeping myself busy but its not taking my mind off him.
This is so crap and i want to be happy. Ive never felt this low in my life.
I feel like i maybe like him a little too much? ive never felt this strongly for anyone. Before we left we never talked about the possibility of a LDR and im too scared to bring it up. As we were saying goodbye he said that he doesnt want to not see me again and that we should meet up some time, but thats not the same as a LDR. If i mention the possibility of trying to have a relationship i fear it will scare him off, what if he doesnt feel as strongly for me as i do him? Am i acting like a bunny boiler? Could it just be that he fancies me but not enough to bother trying anything from a distance. I fear this so much.
In fact, im not even sure i can accuratly interpret what was said when we were discussing things, he told me that he's had a "soft spot" for me for a long time, that he was too scared to tell me, and asked if we could have "had anything" between us if we hadnt found out so late. What does that mean? Does that mean he wanted a relationship had we not left it too late? Or am i looking too far into it?
I just need to get over this and i dont know how. I cant turn my feelings off, and i want him so much. In a way im in denial about leaving uni and not being able to see him all the time. I feel so delicate, just looking at a picture, or having a quick thought will make me cry.
I know theres nothing that anyone here can do, you cant turn my feelings off and you cant turn back time, but im so lost and i want to stop feeling like this.
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Comments
I guess i fear that if i was to see him, that it would make me 10x worse when i had to leave him again.
I cant bear to feel this crappy.
Plus, i cant afford to visit him due to post uni debt syndrome, and he has a job he needs to be at.
i agree. even a text or email would do it - i know i find it easier to be honest that way.
you don't have to pour your heart out, or tell him you want to marry him and have his kids. nowt scary.
just tell him you're sad without him. see what he says. he might be feeling exactly the same way. but too scared to say anything to you, and you'll both just piss away what could have been something really awesome.
:yes:
You cant just not do anything. Youre obviously smitten. Dont be a sap, just tell him.
I want to stop liking him but i dont know how. I wish i had never met him then it wouldnt hurt this much. Ive never met anyone that i get on with so well, who can make me laugh that much, anyone so honest, or anyone who i would trust with my life, and if i hadnt of met him in the first place then i wouldnt know what im missing. Its like ive met the person who ive always had in my head as being the perfect boyfriend, only i cant have him.
Finances and distance suck. But neither are good enough reason to not let yourself have a go. When I was 20, I packed my bags and moved 220 miles to be with the girl who stole my heart.
Sod debt. Sod distance. If you don't go for it, you might regret it for a long time to come.
thanks for huggage, shame i cant have real ones right now :crying:
Click to see more, who is Glah?!
well your no worse off than you are at the moment...... so just do it
What if he's out with friends having a great time in the sun, last thing he'll want to read is me telling him that im missing him.
Send It
(I have no better advice that has't already been said)
its sent and have a report.
I feel sick!!
*edit*
YAY
Hes having a great time but apparantly misses me aswell.
I think this is as far as im going to get
[EDIT] Well it's a start. Don't lose faith!
Male Blah?
If that is the case, then you're better off knowing than always wondering. Have some more virtual hugs :thumb:
i dont know though do i
I dont think theres ever going to be a right time to straight up ask if he wants to make a go of things.
When i text him, there'll always be like a final text, take the series of texts from a min ago:
1) i said i miss him and asked what he's doing
2) he said he's having fun with friends, but misses me too, asked what im doing
3) i said im doing nothing
4) he replied calling me a lazy bones then said to have a nice evening.
Its like i havent really got the oppurtunity to say anything. the last text was final and like a dont text back kind of thing.
I feel so much worse now
I cant just text him and ask him what he wants, he's happy as he is. He's probably got what he wants
I left the text kind of open ended, and non final
but im not expecting a reply
i feel like he's slipping away already. only contact i have with him is text, and when we do text theres always a final one along the lines of "enjoy the rest of your day"
Ring him, text him, email him. Whatever, but be honest - there's no point having regrets in life if you're going to mope about wishinig you had only said something....
So just bloody phone him! And don't beat about the bush, men don't understand all that nonsense. If you like cheese, tell him that you like cheese. If you don't like cheese, tell him that you don't like cheese. And if you don't like it when he eats cheese, then don't tell him that it is okay for him to eat cheese.
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. At least you'll know where you stand
i cant afford phone credit, i get free texts on my PAYG but have no actual credit.
He's out having fun with friends, and is always out with people doing things, or at work, so it would be rude of me to call him up anyway.
Yeah but men don't listen. If you tell them you don't like cheese, they'll offer you a cheese sandwich.
Well come over here. I'll let you use all my 1000 minutes
ETA - What did Nikki say?
Blah - if me and boy hadn't done the whole "I really like you LIKE THAT" thing, I'd probably still be single. AND he thought I didn't ACTUALLY like him til he actually asked me out.
JUST TELL HIM WOMAN.