Amsterdam - i cant face it :(

Former Member

Me and my bf have been together for over two years and this summer we are hoping to go away on our first holiday together abroad. I haven’t been abroad very much at all and since finishing uni have developed a real interest in seeing more of the world, there are a few countries id like to go see, Italy, Germany and France in particular, and I’d like to actually feel like I’ve seen these places and experienced them, money is tight and its really important to me that I make the most of any chance to go abroad I get.
Thing is my bf isn’t as interested in going abroad as I am, and ive got myself into a stupid situation. It’s not that he doesn’t want to go away, but he doesn’t have a passion about it like I have, I really want to go with him though, think he’s the person id like to share these experiences with most. We were talking about going away last night and in an attempt to get him a bit more excited about the idea as he’s not really shown much interest in getting anything arranged or decided upon, I spent time asking him about places he’d like to go and what he’d like to do, cos I do want him to enjoy our trip as much as I do…anyway, he’s not keen on going to France and we cant afford Italy this year so we were discussing other places and some how I suggested Amsterdam.
Last night when I was in a really good mood having a really nice chat to him I thought this seemed like an exciting and fun idea, neither of us have ever tied drugs, and the idea of getting a little high with him in nice little café, strolling around an odd little city, and venturing to see what the red light district has to offer seemed daring and like a lot of fun…in the cold light of day however I don’t know if I want to go to this place.
I have always had serious issues with prostitution, strippers and porn…im an insecure person and when I’m feeling bad about myself and an attractive girl walks past I instantly think she’s better then me. I get stupid worries over my bf preferring the girls he looks at in porn to my wobbly tummy and stretch marks, he is well aware that I couldn’t cope with him going to a strip club and would see it as him choosing another girl over me…anyway, I know I have these dumb insecurities and im scared that going to somewhere so “free” where there are woman on offer all around me would set me off into a crap frame of mind and ruin our holiday. I don’t have these worries all the time and there’s part of me that thinks going and seeing how normal prostitution and selling sex is to some people, seeing how other gf’s can walk through these streets with their bfs and laugh about it and not feel threatened at all would help me, it would make me realise that im wrong and I shouldn’t think its all so bad, for that reason I kinda think id want to go, that I might learn something from the trip….
…however I can also imagine myself breaking down and crying at my bf paying even slightly too much attention to these women, or suggesting doing anything with any of them, and I REALLY don’t want this holiday to be ruined.
The thing is he seemed to really like that I suggested we go there together he knows how I feel about the sex industry and he doesn’t agree with my view of it, I’ve only had sex with people ive been seeing and really cared about, he’s had a few one night stands and really can separate sex from feelings, and sees how these woman can see it as just a job and thinks there’s nothing wrong with it, he felt like it might be a good experience for us to share and now seems really up for us going on holiday, has even started looking at flights and stuff.
I’m just not sure I can go there, and im really scared to tell him because he seemed to like me more for being brave and agreeing to go somewhere he never thought I would, im scared he’ll be disappointed with ME for actually being the prudish insecure girl I am.

Former Member

i think you need to deal with the way you feel about yourself by remembering that your bf is with you because he wants to be! and as long as he is, you have no reason to feel insecure because there is obviously alot to love about you in his eyes when you have been together so long! i think you also need to talk to him though, you need reassurance and i think he's the only one who can give it to you.

you cant avoid other females though, if you went to spain there'd be girls in bikinis, if you went to a nightclub in london there'd be scantily clad girls so i really think you need to deal with your feelings and realise that he's with you for a reason so theres no need to feel jealous of anyone else.

Former Member

However much stripping and porn are glamourised or widely accepted, you have to remember that majority of these girls didn't choose those jobs.

You've finished Uni, you've got a career ahead of you, you've got a long term boyfriend etc...
Also Amsterdam is not all about the red light district. There is much more to it.

Also, facing your insecurities is sometimes good, and might help you to lose some inhibitions, which can only be healthy.

Also, talk to your boyfriend, talking is good.

Former Member

secondsophie wrote:

I have always had serious issues with prostitution, strippers and porn…im an insecure person and when I’m feeling bad about myself and an attractive girl walks past I instantly think she’s better then me. I get stupid worries over my bf preferring the girls he looks at in porn to my wobbly tummy and stretch marks, he is well aware that I couldn’t cope with him going to a strip club and would see it as him choosing another girl over me…anyway, I know I have these dumb insecurities and im scared that going to somewhere so “free” where there are woman on offer all around me would set me off into a crap frame of mind and ruin our holiday

Firstly, you don't need to have many worries on that score - when we went to Amsterdam, I must say that the girls in the windows in the red light district weren't that stunning, and not really anything to get insecure about. And as Sugar said, your boyfriend's with you, loves you, and so even if they were the most gorgeous girls on the planet it wouldn't matter. Personally, I thought that aside from the general buzz of the place, the red light district gave out a rather sad air: all the girls in the windows either looking bored or desperately trying to attract passersbys attention. Not very erotic really.

And as has already been said, there's so much else to Amsterdam besides that - just loads of museums, art galleries, the Heiniken Experience etc...you'll have a whale of a time, I promise.

Former Member

Amsterdam is a Beautiful place to visit! I went for a weekend there back in November and i had one of the best times of my life!! There is so so much more to the place than the red light district - yeah thats a big part - but definately not what it is all about!

There is so much to see and do, along with loads of museums to visit, plenty of cafe's and lots of bars. There are some really nice 'oldy worldy' style bars if you take to some of the back streets. I would definately recommend Amsterdam to anyone - couples, singles anyone! Well worth a visit!

Former Member

You shouldnt really worry about your boyfriend fancying porn stars to be honest.They are fantasy women,meat on the screen nothing more while your the girl hes with and a real person if you see what I mean?No man would really choose a porn video over his real living girlfriend.........well,not unless hes really sad that is. :chin:
And if he was sad enough to really want to sleep with a porn star he could just lube up a bucket and go for it!! :thumb:

Former Member

Thanks for all your replys its just so much of the time i really think that he *should* leave me if another more attractive girl made it clear she wanted him...i cant explain it, its just that in my head its logical for a guy to want to sleep with a more attractive girl then the one he is with, like its natural and just how things are. I dont understand why my bf *wouldnt* just go pay 30 euros to get to shag a thinner and sexier prostitute, its like it says in that article posted in another thread, when youre a couple you cant be as sexy or kinky as you might like cos you know each other toooo well and if i tried to make out i was all sexy and horny he'd think "hey thats what youre really like" and know i was faking it...

...ah i cant explain it very well.

Former Member

You sound exactly how Id feel if I ever got a girlfriend.......why is she with me when hes better lookingmore confident blah blah blah.
Just remember,you`ve been together for 2 years and he must find you attractive.I dont know why any guy would choose cold clinical sex over sex with someone who you love and loved you back.

Ps looks alone dont make someone love another person!!! :thumb:

Former Member

secondsophie wrote:

Thanks for all your replys its just so much of the time i really think that he *should* leave me if another more attractive girl made it clear she wanted him...i cant explain it, its just that in my head its logical for a guy to want to sleep with a more attractive girl then the one he is with, like its natural and just how things are.

Someone he finds more attractive, or someone you think is more attractive?

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

Someone he finds more attractive, or someone you think is more attractive?

Heh, yeah, he always says that too.

Former Member

Go to Amsterdam, and don't go round the red light areas. Simple.

You don't have to go to strip joints to have a good weekend in a city after all. Go to the Anne Frank museum or something instead.

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

Go to Amsterdam, and don't go round the red light areas. Simple.

You don't have to go to strip joints to have a good weekend in a city after all. Go to the Anne Frank museum or something instead.

Yeah i know, but i think the whole point of us going to that city in particular would be to go and experience the drugs and redlight district experience...