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broken hearted
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
my boyfriend of almost a year has the past week (through the medium of phone calls, texts and msn) said our relationship was over (just before our 1 yr anniversary) he hasn't actually dumped me yet and he says he is undecided, but he likes another girl (who always breaks up relationships, and sleeps around every weekend) who has been incredibly two faced to me saying she did not want to split us up but at the same time telling him she wanted to kiss him - when he took her to the cinema last night behind my back while i was trying and failing to have a good time out with my friends..
he is picking me up from the station today, i am so devastated, i feel as if my life is over because i can't remember being without him. hes given me a long list of reasons - not just this girl but a stupid argument we had a couple of weeks ago, and the fact he wants to be less serious, needs to be with his friends, that he wants a new car and needs to get a loan therefore won't want to come and visit me at uni.. excuses basically.
and yet still i love him! yesterday night i was begging him, please please please to give us another try and he says we need to talk face to face, as well as him talking with her afterwards.
i feel like what is going to happen is if he doesn't end up with her, he'll stick with me, and i don't want to be second best. so i was (about 5 mins ago) in the frame of mind to dump his ass before he can dump mine as this is no way to treat an old friend as well as a long term girlfriend, stringing me along and all that.. i packed up everything of his in my flat and everything he ever bought for me plus some little notes he used 2 write me. :crying: now im sensing a hidden motive behind all this in my subconscious like i am only doing it because i feel that if he looses me and thinks its forever he'll miss me so much he'll want me back.
i'm trying to figure out whether this is a healthy approach where obviously crying, begging and pleading isn't. i'm considering telling him to go with her and then ring me in a week or so to let me know how it's going.
i know it's not the end of the world but anyone who has ever been in this situation knows that it is the shittest, most horrible thing in the world when it happens to you. i feel totally betrayed, lost and confused. everyone has told him he is making a mistake by leaving me for this girl but he said it's not just the way he feels about her. and i know i say i want him back but do i really want to let him get away with this?
he is picking me up from the station today, i am so devastated, i feel as if my life is over because i can't remember being without him. hes given me a long list of reasons - not just this girl but a stupid argument we had a couple of weeks ago, and the fact he wants to be less serious, needs to be with his friends, that he wants a new car and needs to get a loan therefore won't want to come and visit me at uni.. excuses basically.
and yet still i love him! yesterday night i was begging him, please please please to give us another try and he says we need to talk face to face, as well as him talking with her afterwards.
i feel like what is going to happen is if he doesn't end up with her, he'll stick with me, and i don't want to be second best. so i was (about 5 mins ago) in the frame of mind to dump his ass before he can dump mine as this is no way to treat an old friend as well as a long term girlfriend, stringing me along and all that.. i packed up everything of his in my flat and everything he ever bought for me plus some little notes he used 2 write me. :crying: now im sensing a hidden motive behind all this in my subconscious like i am only doing it because i feel that if he looses me and thinks its forever he'll miss me so much he'll want me back.
i'm trying to figure out whether this is a healthy approach where obviously crying, begging and pleading isn't. i'm considering telling him to go with her and then ring me in a week or so to let me know how it's going.
i know it's not the end of the world but anyone who has ever been in this situation knows that it is the shittest, most horrible thing in the world when it happens to you. i feel totally betrayed, lost and confused. everyone has told him he is making a mistake by leaving me for this girl but he said it's not just the way he feels about her. and i know i say i want him back but do i really want to let him get away with this?
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Comments
Good advice.
It doesn't matter if everybody is telling him he's mad to throw your relationship away; it does sound as if he's insane to throw away your relationship for this lass...but it's his decision/mistake to make. The same was said to my ex by his mates and it didn't make a jot of difference to what he decided to do.
You're right - don't allow him to make you second best. The last thing you want to do is get yourself into the situation where you're the consolation prize - I promise you you're worth more than that, your boyfriend is behaving like a cretin. It's hard because you love him, and you've got shared history as both friends and boyfriend/girlfriend...but I think you'd be well shot of him.
It will seem like the end of the world right now, I can empathise with that feeling and I know a lot of others on here can, too. But you'll get over it, and if you cut him loose now then you'll still have your dignity, as Jon said.
Try and keep your chin up, hon.
Once it's over getting rid of all his stuff and things that remind you of you and him is a good idea. But don't let yourself hope that if he sees you're over him he'll want you back, that's not a good motive! I empathsize it's wayy easier said than done, but it's best to try and put him behind you. If he's going to make you feel second best he's not worth it.
Hope it all works out for you
Yep these are all understandable feelings - and I agree there has been some great advice and support offered already. Have a look at TheSite's article on Mending a broken heart if you haven't already.
Take good care of yourself
Now she is going away with her male friend and taking the kids for 4 days at easter. I dont know how I will get through it.
But you are young and sounds like you have a good heart. Expect to be treated like you treat others. If you dont get the same back as you give, give your heart to someone who will treat you well.
You will get over this. Tell him to go F**** himself and when he comes crawling back (and he will) say it again. The pleasure you get from that will be worth it. SDA
Good luck and hope you become happier soon x
To be honest, I WOULD do this.
I mean, like you said. He should not be stringing you along like this, its just not fair. You deserve better.
I understand how hard it can be since you've been going out with him for a long time but at the same time, if you did stay together, at the back of you're mind you're always gonna remember this situation and probably find it very hard to trust him again.
Its difficult
im sorry to seem rude, but how does that mean he hasnt yet dumped you then?