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Loosing my marbles

I'm so close to break down atm. I feel sick and tired all the time. I'm not sleeping right and I'm getting back into self harm, tho not like I used to....its not enough to leave marks but kinda punching my leg/arm till its numb.

I'm so stressed out with college, my teacher is bullying me and today launched into her second verbal attack this week and has accused my of being a racist in front of my whole class. I wasnt aloud to defend myself so I feel totally humiliated. I've had problems with her in the passed but the way she is treating me is making me ill. I cant cope with the usual stresses that come with assignment deallines and exams along side this digusting treatment.

I've even developed a twitch in my eye which i'm sure is down to stress. I'm getting scary thoughts about self harm and ending it again, which are starting to seriously freak me out. I thought i was over this, I worked damn hard to get over my depression and for her to bring back all the old feelings I had when i left secondary just makes me feel sick.

I dont understand how she can think i'm racist, I'm the only white in my class and surely if I was such a terrible racist I wouldnt have stayed two years, being what i thought were really good mates with the majority of them. ]

I dont discriminate agaisnt her for being black, for all i care she could be green with purple spots! I get annoyed with her because shes a bitch!

I just feel like packing it all in and never going back. tbh atm I want to crawl into a whole and die, but that wouldnt be very productive.

I dont know what to do, or what my aim is for writing this thread, just needed to rant and get things off my chest. I dont want to do this on my own and i just feel like no one understands how I feel.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Despite reading that hysterical attack on me that you made in another thread, I'm still saddened to hear about this. All I know is, from what I know about you, you're a fighter. No matter whether the odds are stacked against you, you always seem to bounce back soon enough. Their treatment of you is pretty disgraceful, there's little doubt about that, I have no idea why your teacher is behaving like this, but it's unjustified. It's not the first time it's happened either - maybe you could report her.

    I know you'll probably ignore this, but I can't say I haven't tried.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want to spew the standard advice because you've heard it all before, but I just wanted to respond so you know people are reading this and sympathising.

    Take care, I hope the upcoming Easter break gives you a bit of a chance to get things back together. And do think about reporting the teacher, she's clearly out of line.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have reported her on several occations and shes responded by a verbally attacking me. The college dont seem to care becuase the department is being shut down at the end of the summer term:(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Zella wrote:
    I have reported her on several occations and shes responded by a verbally attacking me. The college dont seem to care becuase the department is being shut down at the end of the summer term:(
    That would definitely explain the amazing sense of apathy they have. In that case, you've got two options for dealing with the teacher; (1) grin and bear it; or (2) report her to someone higher up than the college heads.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think i can really offer you any advice that you havent already heard, Its disgusting the way shes treating you, and i hope she gets what she deserves. Also i hope you find a way to work through this an that every gets better for you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say work your way through it, if you've been there 2 years and only got a few months to go then stick it out cos life aint fair and some people just suck!!

    I worked for a company where this new guy came along (friend of the owner) and was trying to push me out to have the dept to himself, inthe end he got his way, but 2 months later the company went bust and I walked away with 3 months wages in advance and he got nothing ... lol ... poetic justice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dear Zella

    I sounds like you've had a really horrible time of it. I hope you have got a lot from the words of sympathy from the other users on the board about your situation. No-one should have to put up with being verbally attacked and humiliated in front of a class. It's really positive that you have reported her on previous occassions.

    Even though the college appears to be unsupportive this incident of completely unprofessional behaviour should not go unreported.
    If there is a pattern of abusive behaviour towards you these will all be recorded so atleast you have it on record and hopefully there will be some grounds for invoking the grievance procedure regardless of whether the college is closing down.
    Please don't give up let this person impede your future - it's not worth it. You appear to be a resilient person and no matter what she says find the strength to get through the last hurdle.

    TheSite has a lot to say on who to talk to about stress and self-harm

    Stress Self-Harm

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hugs* to you

    It can be really hard when it feels like you're being singled out and picked on, perhaps she is the racist one? Also annoys me that no-one will take it seriously as it really seems to be affecting you. I'm afraid honey that the best thing you can do is stick this one out, like someone else said, its just a few more months, try to keep out of her way, ignore her even if she starts picking a fight. In a few months you'll be off to pastures new and she'll be out of a job and probably looking for the next person to take it out on

    Rise above it darling xx
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