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Just realised I'm going to miss my girlfriend when I go...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
The other week it kind of hit me that going to uni would mean i woudl see me girlfriend a lot less. Im not relishing this fact, have been getting doubts already, thinking of picking a uni a lot closer rather than York so for the first year at least I could see her more. But then what do I do the next year when she could go off to anywhere? Everyone says you should pick them based on academic stuff, but the deal is, my girlfriend is kind of my life, however stupid it sounds, I do want to be with her forever and ever and ever. But I dont want to give up uni. Just cant give up her.

How do distance relationships work out at uni?

Anyone got any words of advice for me to stop me being lovesick before ive taken my exams let alone gone...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a long distance university relationship last year. I managed it for a year and a half so I would say its possible. I also know lots of other people that are in long distance relationships too. It will be hard at first but it gets easier. Its a bit of a shock at first to be honest. It does require effort from both sides though.

    Although its quite a distance I'm sure your girlfriend would love to travel up to York as its a lovely city :) The uni is quite nice too. I bet you will love it there. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think ive just suddenly realised the prospect of losing her is real, and its scared me a bit shitless lol. I suppose I'll still have the chance to see her when I'm at york, it's only 2 hours down the motorway, so I could always nip down on a friday night and go up on a sunday morning, or work some plan around it. I did a search on this topic, and there were two results. One was replied by littlemissy - and she's still with her man now :), thethe other by whowhere, and he was bitter cos his relationship had just broke up, and then lots of other people said theirs had as well.

    Its just, theres never been the balance we've got in any other relationship ive ever had. Its either been, they like me but im mildly interested in them or vice versa. In this relationship we're mad about each other lol. Last night she kept me up for half hour when i was half asleep because she refused to let me say the last 'goodnight' lol. But I suppose since Ive got nothing to do today it doesnt really matter... lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to say but most relationships don't survive the first year at uni.
    my only advice would be that you don't spend every weekend going to see her or her coming to see you. the friends you make in first year are very important and will stay with you for the next 3 years (when you move into a house etc).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    YOu should pick a university that matches your academic ability and academic needs.

    I don't think you should be basing your life on this relationship, because the chances are high that this girl won't be the woman you marry and have children with. That's life.

    if the best uni for you is at the end of the street then go there, but if it isn't, then don't. Most relationships don't survive the distance of uni and they don't survive the new faces of uni, that's just how life is.

    Relationships can and do survive distance and university- we stayed together through uni, and I did the Friday commute to see the lass in my first year- but most don't. Don't go to a crap uni just for the sake of a relationship that probably won't last anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's what ya get for having relationships in your teenage years. I deliberately chose not to have relationships until after uni. That way I've had more fun and avoided a head fuck breakup. You never know though, it might work out for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I think last night I was just a bit lovesick. I will go to York, and I will still get to see her quite often. Terms are only 10 weeks with breaks in between, and its not *that* far, I could see her in any given evening if it was important. My mum was just pointing out to me the other day that if I do want to come back its 1 1/2 - 2 hours not 30 mins.

    And I havent resigned myself to the fact it 'probably wont' work. Just keep on plodding... :)

    (all the unis I want to go to are on a par, just decided the individual one is difficult. I think York though cos it was just a nice place).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    sorry to say but most relationships don't survive the first year at uni.
    my only advice would be that you don't spend every weekend going to see her or her coming to see you. the friends you make in first year are very important and will stay with you for the next 3 years (when you move into a house etc).

    I completely agree with this. I was so wrapped up in my relationship in my first year I lost the fun of being a first year. I didn't have the fun of going out several times a week with my friends because I was too busy ringing my ex and working during the week so I could visit him at weekends. I didn't spend much time with them at all. Luckily, they realise now why I behaved the way I did and they like the person I am now. Apparently, I've changed a hell of alot since I split up with my ex. All for the better though.

    Don't throw away your first year like I did. Yes, you can still have a relationship with your girlfriend but spending every spare moment with her won't be the best thing in the long run. You won't have time to see your girlfriend every weekend anyway, you will want to go out and have fun with your friends, you might need to get a job (I don't know how your finances will work out) and you will have uni work to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    YOu should pick a university that matches your academic ability and academic needs.


    exactly, its not like you wont see her at all anyway, and hell youll make the msot fo your time when you do :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    exactly, its not like you wont see her at all anyway, and hell youll make the msot fo your time when you do :naughty:

    lol placebo :)

    Whatever happens, the only way to go into a situation and be sure of failure is to think you will fail. So I will do precisely the opposite, and hope I will succeed. :)

    Thanks for the advice guys :) its given me some food for thought. In the bath just now I had a 'whats the point' moment, but then I saw a pic of my girlfriend and it reminded me what the point was :). Besides, if its meant to be it will be.

    For finances I will be ok :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    You should pick a university that matches your academic ability and academic needs.
    In other words, where the best course for YOU is.
    Don't go to a crap uni just for the sake of a relationship that probably won't last anyway.
    I very nearly did that. I was starting the application process to start in September 2005, and I settled onto Cardiff University because someone I had feelings for was there. (I'll spare you the details) I'm glad I didn't go through with applying for there, it would have been a huge mistake.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm another to agree with Kermit. You have to do what's right for you in the long term, not the short term. If you are meant to be together forever then three or four years isn't really that long.

    Going purely on my experience with my ex-flatmates, I know of two and three year long relationships that ended within a couple of weeks, and relationships of the same length that are still going strong. I know of couples that had been together for two months old in September that are even closer now than before uni, whilst my relationship (and like you, we were the real deal, going to be together forever, no question about it) lasted the short time I was at uni then fell apart pretty disasterously when I came back home.

    There's absolutely no way of knowing what's gonna happen, whatever you might think and feel now. It's so, so hard but you have to keep things in perspective, and think about what's best for you, not whats best for your relationship. Going to university is a huge, life-changing experience and the last thing you want is to regret the choices you make now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my sister met her boyfriend just before she started uni, they're still together 4 years on. she was at york and he was in loughborough. it's definately doable but you have to both want it to work. and ditto to what lipsy said - don't dedicate all your weekends to your girlfriend otherwise you might find your other friendships suffer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive taken heed of your advice. Now Im going to pick York uni anyway. Yea it probably wont work but then in all probability nothing does anyway does it. At the end of the day the only thing for certain is you die.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its not just the distance that breaks a relationship.. its also that when you move to uni you grow as a person. you become more independent, you want different things, you have a new life with new friends and new responsibilities.
    anyway its good that you are choosing a uni you want to go to rather than just to stay near your girlfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Two hours away down the motorway is nothing. I *live* two hours away from my own university!

    I lived at uni for my first year, which was two hours away from my boyfriend, it was not a problem at all. I saw him every weekend since no one at uni ever went out at the weekends, everyone I was living with just wanted to stay in and do work or go home themselves so I didn't feel as though I was missing out on anything. But even if you only saw each other for 2-3 days every other week, that is still plenty often, and as you say terms are only ten weeks long and then you get really long christmas breaks.

    At the end of the day uni goes really quickly, so although it may seem like a long time, it won't feel like it. And if you are meant to be together, you will be able to work something out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yep agree with all other posters, go where ever is best for you, don't think of your girlfriend. Sounds horrible but its thats a lesson i have learnt.

    I moved to Manchester to live near a ex - we split up the summer before uni. Thus i was going to a uni and i wasn't really looking forward to going to.

    Lucky for me things have worked out well and i wouldn't change how my life has developed here in manchester - but i have learnt that you have to look have no.1 i.e u!

    While a friend of mine didn't move away due to her bf - she now regrets making those choices.

    Go to York - see your gf when you can. If its meant to be - it will work out. Uni is a great opporturnity - enjoy it! :yippe:
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