what does he want?

Former Member

i dont feel like a couple when me and my boyfriend are together, honestly if you asked me id say i was single then i have to correct myself. i was thinking about it the other night and its actually laughable that we call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.

i do really like him, hes funny and good looking and sometimes really sweet but part of me wonders everyday why im with him.

we both want different things from a relationship, he wants someone whos there when hes free, a few times a week, and i want something a bit more committed, not everyday or anything but at least more than twice a week!

sometimes it feels like he doesnt want me at all, like the other day, we spent the whole day together and it was really good, acting like a real couple i even met his family and we made plans for next weekend and he said he was really looking forward to it. and i really thought that maybe it was starting to mean something to him, he even said that he never realised how much he liked me till then but then yesterday i brought it up and it was like it wasnt even him i was with, he couldnt remember anything about the day or even making plans (he had been drinking though) but that made me think, does he care about me that little that he cant even remember making plans with me :eek2:

then yesterday as i was leaving him he says oh i wont be able to see you this week cos ive got no money and ill be tired from work! wtf? :eek2: how can you know that your going to be tired. i just know aswell hell be fine to go down the pub with his mates! i just dont understand! it honestly feels like he doesnt want to be with me and to be honest im starting to question whether i want to be with him. the only reason why i text him sometimes is to see if hell text me back. that cant be good? :chin:

i dont know why im writing all this i just needed to say it i guess and its easier on here to put your true feelings.

Former Member

Its clear that you both want different things.

He wants someone but only when he feels like it, and you want the full on relationship.

Seems like part of him is willing to go a bit more serious but when he thinks about it, its not what he really wants and he backs down again.

You cant force him to be ready, and you cant act like your happy with something casual when your not, so the most sensible thing would be to end it. Your not going to be happy to keep continuing how you are, and you cant keep hanging around in hope that he might get his act together, because its a waste of life!

Former Member

have you spoken to him about it? maybe you should so you both have a clearer idea of what each other wants and where you stand, then you can work out if the relationship's worth carrying on with or not.

Former Member

changed my mind about what i said

Former Member

Kat_B wrote:

have you spoken to him about it? maybe you should so you both have a clearer idea of what each other wants and where you stand, then you can work out if the relationship's worth carrying on with or not.

i have tried, ive asked him if hes happy and hes said yes. and ive explained how i find it wierd that we dont really see each other but he just says well get bored if we see each other everyday (which i do understand)

he said that if he wasnt happy and he didnt like me then it would be obvious.

thing is hes not a very serious person, everything that comes out of his mouth is a joke and although thats one of the main reasons why i like him, it also makes being serious veeeerrry hard

Former Member

littleoleme wrote:

then yesterday as i was leaving him he says oh i wont be able to see you this week cos ive got no money and ill be tired from work! wtf? :eek2: how can you know that your going to be tired. i just know aswell hell be fine to go down the pub with his mates! i just dont understand! it honestly feels like he doesnt want to be with me and to be honest im starting to question whether i want to be with him. the only reason why i text him sometimes is to see if hell text me back. that cant be good? :chin:

Hmm, that's not good, you're right.

I think you need to honestly weigh up your relationship here, having a good day once in a while may not be enough to make up for the days when he shows no interest in seeing you etc. You know if the good times are worth the bad times when you feel neglected, second best etc.

You say yourself that you know you want different things from your (or any?) relationship...are you sure that that's the case? I mean, have you actually sat down and talked about where things are going, what you're getting out of being a couple etc? If you haven't discussed it yet then it's also possible that he might be thinking he's as attentive as he needs to be, and you're fine and dandy getting on with your own life until you go out, or spend a day together or whatever. Maybe it is that he's not looking for a full-on, committed relationship...but you'll never know that until you talk it out with him. Don't do it during or after an evening out, the degree of truth in things people say when they're drunk can vary wildly. edit: Just saw what you said about him being a jokey person, they're often very very hard to get any serious conversation out of...so you'll either have to pick your time very carefully, or try and read between the lines.

Basically you need to decide if you're happy staying in a relationship and situation where your feelings are (or look to become) stronger than your partner's. Maybe he'll change his mind and become more committed to your relationship, but he might not....or maybe not for a while anyway! So you need to find out where he, you and the relationship stand before you can make any "make or break" decisions.

All the best with it. :thumb:

Former Member

briggi wrote:

You say yourself that you know you want different things from your (or any?) relationship...are you sure that that's the case? I mean, have you actually sat down and talked about where things are going, what you're getting out of being a couple etc?

any ideas on what i could say though, i dont want to seem as though im getting at him and i dont want to argue bout it.

like i said aswell it is hard to have a serious conversation with him and if i do try to get serious im worried hel either think im going to be moody or am getting to "commitmenty"

he talks about meeting his friends and family and acts like its a big deal and hes always telling me how im the first girl in a long that hes really had a proper relationship with, and how all his mates are shocked that its even lasted this long. which makes me think that he does have strong feelings for me (or even any at all) but then on the other hand i cant help thinking if he really did hed want to see me and do stuff with me, then even as im writing this im thinking to myself that maybe its me being too clingy and really the only thing thats wrong the relationship is that im wanting to see him too much.